As one would have expect from this blog,its about the failure I encountered just 5hours ago..So much about giving my best,the hell with it..so much about encouragements,the hell with it..so much about,"You've done well,I'm impressed..",the hell with it...
The first 7 people to go up n stage,only one won...and that wasn't me..I'm fine with that,but out of seven,5 won from the second batch,what does it shows?Thats there was a huge comparison,and it was unfair for those who performed earlier,for they got to compare,and yet,the marks were given in the first round and no alterations were made..i will not go on to the part of how I had performed..Seriously speaking,i think it was my best,and i cleared all the blunders I had in pratises...And I admit losing to the rest(not actually,but i have my reasons,wait..),except for the gal who bagged top..It was totally unpredictable bomb..Goodness,seriously speaking,she can't even be up to the par with the other 5 winners...She can't even pronounce any word correctly..I'm no sour grape..Actually when her title was announced,everyone was shocked,this is the first time I've heard so many gasp in the room,even from her herself,sitting behind me...
Oh well,I have to accept it..I admit,I was expecting 1st prize,due to too much praising by listeners of my speech..The hell with AAJ sensei's praising all of us PPKTJ students,I can't believe I got empty handed..so what if everyone in the room was listening attentively?So what if Hasparina Sensei cried because of my speech?I lost,because my speech lacked vocab?My speech lacked things they can relate to?Someone,please enlighten me...The sickening pain i felt when the first prize was annonced,and it was not my name...I can sense everyone looking at me when the first prize was about to announce,I saw them turning to me,the winners on stage...Yet,it was dumbfounding..U all might say I'm very proud and ambitious,but hell,based on performance,I lost nothing..frankly speaking,I can even out perform some of those winners on stage..But i lost,for what,I have no idea..I didn't forgot my speech,I made gestures and I even made some people cry,but I lost..
It was damn humiliatating..But,people seems to sympathise with me more..A lot of unknown Japanese came to me and expressed their shock and asked me to work harder and join the Speech Contest in Japan..Said my speech is good enough..Yeah right..I'm afraid I cannot coope with a second blow..I despise the sympathetic faces,I know they meant well,but hell,they succeed more in making me feeling bad for failing them..Especially the senseis..All came,and expressed their shock..Yoshida Sensei even hugged me,doesn't she know,that will only make me feel like crying?No,I won't crumble,and I shed no tears..I smiled rather forcefully too,when pictures were taken..Not because I'm sad,its because,I know they are watching,how hard I'm tryng to stay calm...Like the words"the higher you hopes are,the more dissapointment you'll feel should you fail"I found it,the true failure...
How will I face all the people in PPKTJ on Monday?I don't feel like listening to all the"never mind lar,its the experience that counts" yet,it'll happen..How ironic of me..Well see how far I can control the facial expressions..How deceiving I can be...RM70 Kinokuniya Voucher?I'll get the thickest book I can find..It'll remind me of my lost...Again,my heart cried in dismay..it is almost 2am..Why the tears still hasn't arrive yet?Does the shopping for my last birthday present for my mum in Malaysia worked?No,that can't be...it must be...I'm totally lost from here
歌如人生
5 years ago
13 comments:
er.. i think u did great.. really! i told u about it, and i swear it came from my heart. so wat if u didnt win? so wat if she won? its just a speech contest.. which was future, present and now, its past... take this as a stepping stone to more contests lar.. im not trying to console u here, but trying to stuff some of me thoughts here.. its not the experience that counts, its whether u gained something out of this whole thing.. be it, small little stuff like getting rensyuu in hatsuon, or the battle against pressure.. lol
and, i repeat here, the judges sucked!
oh yeah, gambatte and go find the thickest book.. i know, go get a dictionary, or encyclopedia.. hehe..
喂!你有没有搞错啊？为了那评审的决定那么过意不去干吗？得不得到名次不过是评审的决定，每个人给你的评定，给你的赞许，给你的支持还重要过那评审给你的奖品和名次啦！你要几个评审的肯定？还是一大班人给你的肯定啊？你有没有看过一些电影，那种场面是应该的第一而得不到的人，和那个不该的第一的人站在一起，哪个会收到比较多祝福？而眼红的那个人是谁？醒醒啦！不必在乎那些大会的决定，别人的支持，别人的掌声，还有你这次学到的东西。我不会记得我参加什么比赛得到什么名次，但是我记得谁为我打气，谁为我支持。
Well, I have nothing much to say, u lost, but you tried, u know you could have gotten something but you din....feeling mad? Then do something you think that can help you relieve it...and accept the fact but just move on....thats all..
ps. don't waste your life on dictionary or encyclopedia la..come on! Life is more than just that rite!? Get a book of interest la! A dict?! My god mayc!
Hell,i know its in the past and i can do nothing to change it..But so what if I wanna blog or shit about the stupid judges?Its my right to complain..know what?I'm tired of trying to compromise to everyone,scold me for being foolish..Yes,I know and I really appreciate those who supported me..But hell,I'm not feeling the least happy that I failed everyone..Even after giving my best shot...It only proves that life is so totally unjust..Actually,note that even U asked me if I got any prizes..what does it meant?that prizes do count..that victory do matter to some..if it doesn't,why work so hard for it in the first place?Just so that you can lose and appereciate those who supported you?I think not..
This message is actually back to the anonymous who typed in Chinese..I know who you are,and I know you know that too...i'm sorry if i offended you in anyway,and I'm not sure if you'll get this message..But this time I cannot agree with you..I'm really down at the moment and as a friend you have done nothing to console me..that I don't mind,but scolding me?I'm really dejected and hurt..
"scold me for being foolish.."
You fool.
Hmm....all that sounds like yesterday to me. Know how they judge? By your content of speech. They all read the text you hand in and kind of make early judgements. I had 6th place though. High hopes and all..when they had my pic taken, i was sneering instead of smiling at the camera. Usui sensei said i look as if i'm gonna kill somebody.
Anyway, main thing is that you felt you gave your best rite?
Don't feel so bad...at least you can buy your fav book rite??
hmm, experience will shape the person you are...you don't have to like it. you just have to accept it, cold as it is...
erm.. i dun think anonymous is scolding u watsoever wor.. and um, though i dun know who anonymous is, i think she/he made sense...
ps: i was just joking bout the dict thing.. some ppl just cant c a joke as a joke... haih.. old serious apek..
看来我说的话得不到你的共鸣
我选择这样写
是当我看到你写
I despise the sympathetic faces,I know they meant well,but hell,they succeed more in making me feeling bad for failing them
与其安慰你
倒不如给你看清另外一面
可是你看不到
那，你继续自我哀怨吧
Hey girl, dun be upset. At least u tried ur very best and most of all, you learnt a lot from the process of participating in this contest, aren't u? Winning is not everything although as what u said, the winners weren't that good. (i can't justify this though)
And remember, u were given this chance to perform and imagine there's so many others who don't even get a chance to stand on the stage and speak!
Let it be an experience in life and let it pass by. What's the big deal for not winning? Everyone has faced failure before, it's just that how u handle it. Dun care of what other's think about u, and like u said, the Japs were praising u..what does this mean? u are good and U had work hard on it! So, dun be upset anymore and try to accept it optismistically. Not to left out, u earned good words from others and that's what makes it mattered most! *wink*
Ok I have to reply to my comments again..
I'm sorry to say if I sounded stuck up etc..But its really hard when you were there at that moment..Its hard,very hard..
Many have adviced me to move on,to learn from this experience..In other words,I can almost hear you all say "Grow up!"not in a sarcastic way though,i know you all meant well..Like I said before,I know its over,and I can't do anything to change it..
Lets just forget it...
once again i managed to read till the end another one of your blog. and unfortunately, its not a rather happyfying one. but anyways, i've got nothing to say . not asking u to cheer up or anything..coz dun think it'll work. but just wana tell u i know how sucky it feels when you're suppose to win and you don't. seriously know how it feels. thats why not asking you to cheer up. but get over it once you're done. move on. there's more challenges up ahead. and yeah, my holidays are coming.. WeeEee.. iww be fweeee.. ill belanja u the next time we go mamak. the least i could do.
maybe rather late i comment here...
but im impressed with ur spirit to win!! not like me always a loser cause nvr think of winning..haha
!! be angry at losing is good...!!
didn't know that u went throught such a hard time. but i really can see that u're strong n determine not to cry, u really did show alot of courage. not many people can handle it like u did. i understand how u feel, i've been through this in primary school. i know it's difficult but sometimes it's just unfair, n u cant do anything about it. i'm happy for u that all ur friends said u did well. i believe u really did n it'll for sure benefit u in the future.
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