~ On a random day at work~

I used to write everyday, then it became once a month and now.. once a year. There were thoughts,many of them in fact, but the urge of sitting down quietly, peacefully typing away is no longer as appealing as it used to be. One of the cons of growing up.

As I'm writing this, I'm on my way home to my apartment in Tokyo, a 3-hours train ride. A nice peaceful 3 hours with music playing in my ears and snowy white scenery passing through. Probably my last winter during my stay in Japan.

Including today, it will be the start of a 212days countdown. This is it, another major fork of the road, with changes and uncertainty beyond my imagination. When all troubles I have been through this last 10years of my life in Japan no longer matter. Where, once again, I go back to a place with familiar language but an unfamiliar life style. Like a stranger you know too well.

One thing for sure. I will probably miss the convenience, but will probably be less lonely. Another deep breathe before the huge plunge. 


Dear blog,

I'm actually surprise you still exists,as all known fad tend to die off naturally after a period of time. It's not that I have nothing to say,I'm still a strong believer that everyone has a thought at all times,no matter they are plainly day-dreaming or staring blankly at a pillar. The convenience of Twitter and Instagram is what prevents me from coming back here. It is fast and yes, convenient. Plus,it has all the interaction you lack of. I'm not blaming you, it's all this procrastination and shame talking. You see, here, I tend to hold back, although I used to enjoy being able to play with words, twisting and writing so vaguely that only certain particular member could understand. With Twitter, I can allow only certain members to see,to interact,to understand. It feels slightly safer there. Facing a blank page and just start pouring out while worrying about grammatical errors, proper spelling and who is going to see this is...no longer as appealing as it was to me a few years back. In fact, it feels almost like a homework now. A project which is time consuming.

Naturally, I'm letting you go. Or at least I tried to.
 I still come back to check some old post. To remind myself how active I was when I was younger, to prove to myself what an ardent reader and blogger I used to be, how I tend to capture beautiful moments of travelling while trying to find the most suitable description my brain-dictionary could provide. Or how I tried to share certain thoughts to a certain crush, or express my frustration and stress from studies (which seems pretty lame when you read back), or the times how I thought I was so popular,so ready to impress,so..stupidly young,funny and vibrant.

I lack those nowadays. Young, funny, vibrant.....
Interesting? Passionate?So far from the vocabs one would chose to describe me now. Well, mature with age might be a good thing, but I don't see myself being more knowledgeable. In fact, I could actually feel my brain working less hard and getting rusty as the length of my stay in Japan grows longer. I still stammer with certain Japanese words, being extremely careful with my choice of words now as Japanese tends to bring things around the corner and not make their point straight forwardly. The fear of offending. Good in a way, but bad in getting things done.

Again,I'm going to end this blog abruptly. I guess some things never change. Like, I could never write a proper ending. Or don't feel awkward when speaking in public or when being shown some kind of family affection. Or say a proper goodbye. I didn't even manage to say a proper good bye to my dad. Life, take it as it is, I guess.


It has reached the time,where I am too much "captured" by my daily life.
No longer being able to take the time to just sit down and write,or think,or speak.
A sign where I am no longer the energetic youngster anymore.

Moving to a new place, having lived 5 years at the old,
Made me re-recognize the feeling of being alone.
Of waking up on weekends wondering what to do next.
Of buying too much food when there's no need to do so.
Of hurrying home, just to find, is there a need to do so?

At least, the snow has melted.
The need for 5 layers clothing has gone.
At least, I still can have some time alone after hectic working days.
At least, I'm able to attend one wedding this coming June.

Well, who gets the chance to get paid to live in Hokkaido anyway huh?

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