~Once in a lifetime encounter~

I would have post my PD trip first but,trying to get some pictures in that blog,it'll have to wait(its a major construction)..this blog is actually about my speech contest which will take place in 7hours and 13minutes..Before I go in to the hall to deliver my thousand-times practised speech,I would like to share with my friends here,how I felt all this while,having to prepare for this speech,and to some,to take this enormous responsibility..

You guys must be wondering where is this going to lead to,for the title of this blog indicated something different right?Well,that,is actually the litereal translation of my Japanese speech.The summary of the speech is about how many times we have encounters with people,yet we ignore some of them,having not to realise that someday this encounter you have with this person might or would be a life changing one..And I gave 2examples and it was actually the whole speech...

The whole week I've been meeting with Yoshida Sensei,practisng at 1pm,actually it was the time I feared most and it proned my heart to beat fast at every lesson before1pm.Monday was the day i "received" a headche,having to attempt numerous times for a perfect conclusion for my speech,i usually hit a blank wall...After the 5th attempt on Monday yet it was rejected,I felt exasperated..the practise was really a test of patience too,having to read the speech in an extra slow pace,10 seconds apart from each paragraph,it's really killing..(its a norm,how can teenagers red in a frandma speed????)And from 1.20pm onwards I was having real headache and it lasted til bedtime..Amazing what pressure could do huh?On top of that,I was given one day,by Tuesday,I should memorise the speech by hard..Great,a speech without conclusion..And i attempted to write a more "thoughtful" conclusion..while the background was filled with Prince of Tennis anime soundtrack along with the voices of fast pace talking Japanese,I tried to remain composure and fought on(alone) for 3hours to produce 11pitiful lines for my conclusion..having to read Xin ning's speech for ideas,it suddenly hit me that I'm actually weak in Japanese after all,and I could never produce an article as thought provoking as Xin ning's blog,where not only people can relate to what she's writing about,we can feel her emotions seeping out in every corner of the speech...i felt even more dejected as I retire to my room and completed the remaining lines..

As I have predicted,my lines were just hopeful lines to actually wish they can pass the screening test..Out of 11,only 3 were used..And eve that 3,it was modified..not that I mind,as long as my thoughts are there,it just hurts a little that i can't write lines which needs no correction yet shows my emotions..Like xin ning and Chiang Shen,and many others I believe,like Ayuni...they can write flawless essays an I really envy them with that..however,the joy that i need no thinking no more for my conclusion was a bliss,and for the first time,I'm smiling because of my speech..i can now concentrate on the presenting part...

Wednesday,I was given another griling test of patience,to memorise my speech in the previously stated slow pace along with the new conclusion.I failed miserably not having to put any and emotions into the speech,and seriously speaking..My speech needs lots of it..(maybe I should just lay my eyes on getting and oscar nomination for Bst actress instead)The thing is,here's the truth...Ready??My speech is all crap..(try define the crap part yourself..ask me some other time if you can't figure it out)because it's crap,I can't put emotions in it...

Thursday,I was hit with another blow that after so many attempts of memorsing,I still stammered at some part..ESPECIALLY the conclusion..What has "conclusion" got against me??Adn the fatal (almost) blow of the day..I stayed back to study and yes,to practise my speech in my class alone,while the rest went back to their comfort zone of electrical haven in the hostel..The blow was,i asked Kim Shing and Look to listen to my speech(they are one of the minorities who stayed back to,err...fight on) and Kim delivered the blow that night..He said,it was dissapointing to hear that it was such a good speech yet presented with no emotions whatsoever..and the 2 experience/examples is wasted down the drain..Look was the more softer one,but it delivered the same realisation to me..That i was not up to mark to what i have presented in the IBS and...I was monotone..I stayed back til 9pm,got on the bus,feeling dejected and bried myself with tiredness and red a great deal in the bus which only start leaving at 10pm..Having to reach hostel at 1045pm,seeing Amir relaxing with Anuar they all,eating Kebab..I wonder why I don't have that much confidence like Amir and emtions..The shower was good and one last look of my dissapointed self,reflected by looking one more time at my speech..I slept dreaming about my failure...

Friday..everyone who can't go to the contst later had extended their well wishing,of good luck an stay calm quotes...2pm,I faced Yoshida Sensei once more and felt relived that pratise sessions were finally over..A huge grin crept up my face..Besides worrying that I can't perform up to her standads,there was tis awkwardness that I can't speak fluently well in japanese and I noticed myself saying "haik" more then my entire life..My verbal comunication only remain that much throughout the whole week of practise..I hate to fumble,which is why I hated even more...To ask someone to wait while i form words in my head..

Its the day,how do I feel right now?Just a little lost..The whole week,i felt like I've been batteling alone,occasionly some help from Ayuni And May Ching who gave me strenghth by asking me to stay on and encoraged me to practise..And Xin Ning too,for trying to help me with my conclusion..I can see she's stressed out herelf..Thursday night was the devastating night for both of us..According to Clement,she felt dissapointed that after 1 week practise,Uematsu Sensei showed his dissapointment that Xin Ning can't seem to lose her chinese slang( as the same problem i face)But she seemed well on friday..I felt concerned..I've heard that some say I showed as if I wanted to win badly,and I'd like to beg to differ..I wanted to see how far I can go,for,not being to perform academically well as the others here,I'd like to try to chanel my energy to something else for a change..Frankly speaking,win or lose,it DOES matter,but right now...I just want to see if i can perform to my best,when I deliberately wants too....