~Frustration cum Sadness~

a really long and tiring blog i would say so bewarned..well,say something pleasant first.on the 26th of February we had a farewell dinner for our seniors..and thanks to all of our affort,the whole process went suprisingly well,and like wat May Ching said,thank goodness the seniors din break anything(according to one of them,they always do at any function or dinner..weird huh??)well,everthing was well,but i hardly touched more than a mouthful of food(exaggerate di lar,ok lar,a plateful of little of everything)well,was like a maniac,rushinmg here and there making sure things are in order,(why in the world i offered to help on the prizes i wonder??)and the cake is ready etc..by the end of the day,after lots of pic taking and AGAIN!!!wat is wrong with me,my cam was outta batt and i oni managed to take 2 pic b4 it went..sayonara...haiz...so was so tired by the end of the day,i jumped at the chance of going home when my mum offered to pick me up in the middle of the night..haha..no lar,my cousin who is a beautician came from Johor and was,concurrently with my event at Legend,having a diiner at Mandarin Oriental..and my,these guards are really a tiresome at times...can't he see that its a lady who is picking me up,not some lame imposter "brother"who came to pick a sister up..according to him,there's lots of imposters to pick thier friends up..i mean come on lar,open ur eyes and see lar,a forty year old though i might add my mum doesn't look beyond forty..hehe lady come wor???great lar,have to record my name,my mum's IC etc..really mendoeda!!gila..ah well..

WEll,the seniors finally left on Monday..last Friday we had the sotsugio shiki as in the graduation funtion where each and everyone of them had to go upstage,bow(what do u expect,Japanese-style mar),take their respective certs in the upmost formal way(trained to do so..haha) and stuff..and "lucky" me,(shud i put the inverted comma's??hmmmm)i was asked to represent the first year students to read out a speach..*note,READ out a speech..haha..i felt kinda guilty even though after that lots of teachers and friends praised i did a well job..guilty in a sense that,it take a human's life to give me the chance to go upstage..how so?u might ask?cuz it was actually the CLub's secreatary's job to deliver the speech..and when her father went to the hospital,it was already in critical condition..i was asked to take her place cuz following up the position in club,i was third..(not May Ching merr??)well,i practised di,but she came back the next day,the day b4 the actual function..so i thought,wat a waste cuz i know it'll be a great experience to deliver the speech to my seniors,a little token of appreciation b4 they leave for Japan..well,then suddenly,i'm asked to deliver again as she suddenly received a call that her father passed away..i was bewildered and sent my condolences through friends that went to her father's funeral that night itself..so,though i was glad the speech was ermm...to me okly-delivered..i do feel a pang of guilt inside me..well,when i wanted to share my happiness wen all the teachers,mostly anyway,came to praise(??)me for delivering a good speech with composure..(whoaaa) to Min its not i want to brag that i'm good..i'm just overjoyed with all the praising though i know i have a long way to go before really able to speak well..it really dampens my mood that,being my closest friend around,she showed no signs of suppostiveness to my anxiousness before delivering the speech or any sign of happiness or to say the least share my short-lived happiness after the teacher-praised-me talk..well,i was quiet for the rest of the day..to her,wen i told her that,she said,i'm just trying to show that i've done a good job onstage..i was stumped at the moment,stung in fact by her words,and really..quiet down th rest of the day..of course,to say i'm not the least proud that every1 had praised is pure lie but at least share a little and say some encouraging words???sighhhhhhhhh...

the rest is history..her being in her ever switching mood swings which made me,the gal who doesn't like to have strings attached to any sorts of routine(eg:have to go toilet in pairs,wait for each other to fill up the water bottle,go dinner together,decide what to do all the time),avoiding her unconsciously..and i think vice-versa.well,its not that i dun wanna patch the eerie silence that has befall us somehow,its just that (am i using this as excuse??)we are now really busy with our exams and according to Xin,she doesn't want "history to repeat itself"meaning,she doesn't want to stay at postion 4 in PPKTJ...climb as high as u want,i would love to say,but everything has a price to pay,don't u think so??is it worth it to climb so high,and lose some friends on the way???or maybe its just me,being the clumsy Aquarius,(believe it or not)who doesn't know how to twist or turn with words,ever hurting ppl with my straight forwardness or to me,my "self-defence" system??yeah,Ghai Leong told me that i can be really hurtful with my words at time..i know that too,but hey,i'm born that way lar..however much i try to change but in vain..the best solution i've come so far..to keep my thoughts to myself and be quiet as possible..(yeah,and let ppl think i'm a boring person..so???)

well,yesterday was another boring day,returning after exam for a nap oni to be awaken thrice by Jenny,doing her "routine",which in my words,"noise creating"..yeah,so..May Ching was at the library and thus,i'm forced to study..completed Math revision (at last) and then..dinner at 7.45pm is too much!!!though it was delicious,having yee mee prepared by the charcoal fire..it was nice seriously,but have to wait that long!!!i'm famished..so after dinner was lazing around aimlessly and then..hehe,by fate or wat??May Ching came in to fill in her bottle with our so-call "new"water filter,passed down by our seniors..well,one thing leads to another (don't they use this phrase to say wen urmm...someone ends up on bed??hehe..;) )and we at first wanted to go for a stroll ended up having a night game of badminton to make up for the one we missed earlier in the evening..haha..imagine,9.30pm,2 gals,"supposely" to study for thier last exam before becoming 2nd year students,playing badminton during exam week...cool huh??halfway playing,we saw soo sing and she joined us.she's another one of our gal sempais whom we barely had any chance to talk to before,due to outr hectic schedule in PPKTJ where everything is intensive..so she joined us with our games,chatting while playing..(gals,really can't do lots of things at one go..hehe)i was amazed by our stamine too,cuz usually we'll betired out within half an hour but yseterday's game lasted 1hour and 10 minutes..hehe..we chatted lots about Japan and about our lives here..

Seeing the seniors leaving one by one really made me feel heavy inside my heart..so what if i barely talk to them,and mostly on greetings of "hi" "ohayo" or simply a warm smile or head nodding??their presence is really felt,and i felt sad to see them leave..and oni May Ching felt the same among all the gals i've asked..Xinning,saying that she know we can and will meet them agian in Japan so she doesn't really feel anything..Min,though she barely talk to me for the time being,i know she felt so too,but doesn't really want to show..what's wrong to show that u really missed them i wonder??well,of cuz,in front of them,it'll be dead embarrassing...i think..hehe..well,crossing my fingers,hoping that mum can get the tix to Langkawi so that we'll be back on the day the seniors leave itself..then we can see them to their way to Japan without making another trip all the way to KLIA..hehe..all this,my plan..mum,do get it pleaseeeeee...well,May Ching is checking it out now..praying hard..though i doubt we will have anything to do there in KLIA,i just wanna,like Ghai Leong said,feel the atmosphere before it becomes my turn next year..hopefully..and of course,though for a short period of time,getting to know the senior,making friends with them,to me,is a real blessing..thus...i'm trying to be with them or getting memories with them thru pics..but...the fact is they have to leave anyhow..should be a happy occasion ain't it?but the feeling of seperation is so uncomfortable....

ah well,i guess this really sums up wat i wanted to say a long time ago,no chance to on9,even if i do,barely have the time to really sit down and enjoy the silence and really let my thoughts flowing..well,to sum it up..i'm feeling not so well right now,relationship wise as in my ties with Min,but hopefully,every1 will feel better after the hols and exam,again,i'm hoping............