~Chemical Engineer??!!NEVER!!~

Whoever told me that chemistry is easy is so wrong..well,as usual,no one to blame but myself..everyone was doing really great,excellent in fact in Chem but why not me???last minute studies??might be...but hey,who would predict that Chem paper was more of Math quiz???fail??maybe not,but i'm sure being the bottom few in the whole PPKTJ is not a problem already..so wat if the whole world says Chem is just hard core memorising???i can't do it,so there..well,as usual,after the paper,lots of discussions were made..and i was downright deep in the blue..wasted my beauty sleep studying the facts when everything turned out to be calculations..din mange to revise that part yet..4hours of sleep per day for the last few days..great,n emerson calling me a sadistic person??who's to blame,study here and u'll have no problem turning into zombie during exam week,i barely ate much2..sigh..

after my much dreaded paper,spent another RM 24 at Pizza Uno..reading Alex's blog,wondering wherether i'm being to spendrift??guess when we feel guilty about something,we'll think up some lame excuses,and in this case..i've not been eating well for the pass 1 week,spending oni..RM20 for 7 days to be exact..today's meal..really appertising.but felt guilty again..haiz..Million Dollar Baby is sure a good movie,but what is wrong with me?why am i always the oni one not showing any emotions even if its a really touching part???i'm scaring myself too..that's it,i'm a kiasu?dunno ler,just like to keep my emtions to myself,other then the bright side,the emotional and thought-provoking Kelly can oni be found in blogs,mails,sms or any form of indirect communication..

all right,whats wrong for not showing emotions in the public,for me,its not so hard to restrain urself from doing so right??i might potray an image of a very weak gal who try to prove others wrong by pretending to not show the emotional side of me,look at me that way,see if i care??for now i can't be bothered by what ppl think anymore,cuz seriously..I'M SICK OF LIVING UP TO ALL OF UR EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!!!is it so weird u have finish study math n i have to follow put??it's my choice to make,dun gimme the disbelieve look!!!i'm sick sick sick of it!!!!and yeah,do i always have to be the first to make the first move???yeah,she finally talked to me di,not b4 many attempts to make her talk..at last..for now,peace again..i'm talking in codes,and i assume if that person is not me or dunno me well enough,u'll not know what the heck in the world or who the hell i'm talking about..

ok,i'm now on9 at the cc near my house,having barely 4 hours of sleep,i'm trying hard to stay awake..movies,on9..all these seems so unrealistic (imagine me speaking this being surroundd by the sound of shootings as background cuz at cc again) tmr,have to drive all the way back to the hostel,clean the stinky toilet,pack for home ..great again,have to wake up early..i dread,feeling really lifeless too tired..really have to plan well how to spend my 3 weeks of no nihongo..haha..langkawi is there,so is genting (spontaneously suppoted by mum!!),where else??oh,the utmost important event,send the seniors off..

whatever it is,i'm really taking a good rest these days,refresh myself, emotionally, mentally and physically..if not,i'm doomed for life.and to all the ppl out there..friends are crucial,especially to teenagers like us..though we might have different thoughts at times,one side would have to be a more tolerant one..or else,be like what a friend once told me:"if there are true friends,treasure them;if not,let them be in ur memories and live on"...