~Quiet~

Today I spent my time watching a Taiwan talk show I used to watch daily,until I went back to Malaysia and didn't have time for it. Surprisingly,after all the laughter from the show,I felt down again.And I started to write post cards,4 post cards I got from Krabi which I planned to sent earlier.As I was writing,I wondered if the person who got it can feel what kind of mood I was in while writing it..

I don't know what is wrong with me nowadays.After coming back from Malaysia,emotions have been controlling me.I guess it's because it's all too quiet around me right now.All I can hear are my own thoughts,of doubts,of uncertainties..

Visiting friends in Malaysia,almost all envied me for being here,in Japan.I guess I would too,if I were to be in their shoes.But in real life,not all grass are greener here.Work life is never easy,as to study life.Even after 4 years here,I still couldn't speak like a native or know much enough to be one.In fact,I don't fancy being one.

True,Japan have the technology and the infrastructure,and yes,I do complain when I'm back in Malaysia because of the lack of efficiency etc.But it's still where I was born,like family,you could never leave family.Coming back here,I became really homesick.

Yes,me,homesick.

Talking with many friends especially ones in Malaysia,I give the impression to others that I am strong,independent.Well,I could be.But that doesn't mean I don't get lonely.I was almost dead-like when I just got back.Yes,I did what I had to do,cleaning,unpacking,buying groceries.But while walking at the stores,hearing nothing but non-stop Japanese..

I start to hate it here.

What happened to the familiar Cantonese,BM,English,Mandarin,the -lahs,the -lo,the really-ar?
What happens to tau-pau food whenever I'm hungry?
Where is the air-con available everywhere in Malaysia?

I hate the weather here.Super freaking hot.Sweat while I'm asleep,sweat when I'm awake,sweat even after I bathe.Wth..

I miss my bro.
I miss kacau-ing him in the car.
I miss sharing his pc and songs.
I miss KM,SY,KY they all..
I don't mind listening to their stories about their bfs..
I just want to be with them..

Doggone it.
I hate being alone right now..