生气

好累。。。
身体真的好累好累。
高专祭，终于过了。。
不知为什么莫名其妙的成了负责人
也不知为了什么而奔波了那么多次。
得来的只是一些怨言，
一些因为需工作到深夜而不满的人的怨言。。
一些因得到的利息太少而不满的人的怨言。

我，好久没有生气了。。
这次的高专祭，说真的我有很多不满。。
可是，我没生气。。
可能是知道，
不是每个人的性格都是我看得顺眼的吧。
知道每个人的短处不一，
所以也只能无奈的接受，
而尽快想出办法祢补惨局。
生气，只会更加累坏自己。
而且，他/她的幼稚，无赖，
不值得我去费心。。
也无补于事。。

说回来，我真的好久没有生气了。。
是好是坏，我真的不知道。。
多次会遇到不爽的事，
也会遇到无理取闹的人。
可是，找人发泄一下，
嘴巴随随便便念一会儿就会没事。
总觉得。。。
不值得生气。。

今天，很难得睡到11点。
也很难得过了一个懒洋洋的一天。
身体好痛。真的是腰酸背痛。。
也难怪吧，不知站了多少个小时，
还需搬桌椅，
还需做跑腿。。
今天，
看了自己想看的偶像剧，
煮了自己想吃的料理。。
好爽。。

可是突然一股莫名的感觉涌起。。
是。。寂寞？ 空虚?
煮的料理，
是妈妈常在家里煮的蘑菇鸡。
以前，总是讨厌蘑菇鸡里的生姜，
觉得好难吃，好臭。。
上次煮的时候没有放生姜，
觉得好像少了些什么的。。
那时候领悟到的是，
要把一个料理做好，
什么都不能缺，
否则味道就不一样了。
尽管它的角色很小。。。

今天，所有材料都齐了，
可是味道还是不一样。。
跟妈妈做的，
总是不一样。。

高专祭的中夜祭，
一个人站着看了会儿。
那时候，也觉得有种莫名的寂寞。。
微风吹过，凉的不止身体，
还凉到心里。。
突然觉得自己，好孤独。。
没有了倾诉的对象，
没有了了解自己的人。。
没有了梦想，
有的只有自己和自己的影子。。

Very long post,do not read.

Another busy week.The main event was our school festival.This year,as a 4th year student,I had to help out with our class exhibition.The thing we exhibited was our experiments which we had done for the pass half a year.Besides the exhibition,we also had 'Chemistry Magic' a show using chemicals as effect and asking the audiences to join in the fun.And we also had to sell 'Yakitori'(barbequed chicken).Imagine one class divide into 3 parts..The amount of work...Some of them have to go help out at their club's stall as well..Kosen festival=Busy.

As for me,besides helping out at the exhibition,I had to help out at the foreign student's stall.For the past one week,I have been buying plates,oil,flour,eggs,vege etc.In other words,became a 'kuli'=P because I was in charge of the money matters while Anuar attended to all the festival meetings etc.I'm glad I shared the job with Anuar because if I do it alone,I doubt I can do it well.

Came Friday,the girls worked hard to make Saihanna's Husyuur..A gyoza like dish.It took us 8hours to get the first 84 done.From 6pm til 2am we worked hard.Tension was high as everyone starts to get tired of failed products.All the cutting,wrapping and frying..Everyone finished at 1am,me,helped TY with the Menu display and signboard,2am.Woke up at 6am the next Sat morning,have to get everything into boxes,prepare all the plates and gas stove.Even dashed to eat breakfast and finished within 5min.

Sat morning,a rainy day.Everything was in a mess.Builiding tent,getting everything into places.Some of them not helpful at all.One kept on showing her sour face,one got many opinions and hope that everyone do what she wishes,one kept on doing things her own way,one didn't get his part done as he was told to,preparing the Roti Jala paste only on Sat morning.WTF..She was helpful,doing things quietly,he was a saint,doing things as he was supposed to and clearing up the mess his 'friend' did.The other two helped out in some ways,doing their part quietly.Me,hah..Suddenly felt like being a second child.

Caught in the middle between the seniors who have their own opinion,while the Monggol girl have her own opinion because it was her dish after all.Trying to calm and satisfy both parties is really tiring.And I have to run to Apita 2days during the festival just because suddenly the plates are not enough,the chili sauce is not enough etc.Fuck..I've already asked them for the tenth million time what else is not enough when I made the shopping,yet they kept on saying,enough enough..In the end I have to go do more shopping.Blame me for preparing not enough coins,didn't prepare the money for the kenben and preparing weird plastic bags?I did prepare coins,but it was just not enough.I did prepare money for the kenben,just you didn't call me when I was at my class exhibition.And hell,the plastic bags?SHE WANTED BEAUTIFUL ONES!!I said it was ok to use the plastic bags when we got from our shopping but no,she want nice ones,so I prepare nice ones,yet it was unpractical.Oh,wth..A quarrel ensued while I was away at the exhibition.Selfishly said,I was glad I was not around to witness the quarrel.Like I said before,with one getting angry easily,one with so many opinions and wish that everyone follow her orders yet dun wanna take responsibilties and one like doing things her own way,its the best 'ingredients' for a quarrel.If I were there,I would have tried to pacify everyone,but that would only burn me out more.I know I sound selfish,but sometimes,I really couldn't please everyone,I could only let them handle the problems themselves.Gosh,give and take lar...

And you,u very busy hor,but you 3rd year oni.Roti Jala ask you prepare you said ok,then you run to your 'club' kononnya,and came in to my exhibition to play.Walked around the corridor and claimed to be busy..And your friend have to clear up the mess for you and stayed at the tent all day.You said you'll do roti jala and he,the curry.But in the end he did both jobs more than you.Fuck..You are really a trouble maker man..He,is definetly a saint..

Sorry Araki,for I have to run to both the foreign students stall and come back to the exhibition.I'm sorry for not being able to be there the whole day though I tried to.I'm sorry I couldn't explain our experiments well to the visitors because my lack of proficiency to explain in Japanese.I'm sorry I couldn't stayed long to prepare for the next day exhibition because I had to go help out the girls prepare the dish for the Sunday's stall and running errands.I could only help do the exhibition errands as well,going to Apita to get more Katakuriko with Genchan,help prepare Dilatancy in the evening.Sorry..

Sat nights preparation was good.Everything was in control,the cutting,wrapping and frying.Even the Vice president of the kosen helped us improved our dish.But though everything was in order,we still did it til 2am.And I slept at 3am having to need to count the Sat's earning whether we could cover our cost.Woke at 7am.4hours sleep again.2cups of coffee to keep me going.

Sunday was bright and sunny.Everything went well.Again I had to run to Apita when it was suppose to be my lunch time to get things the foreign student's stall suddenly run out.I had only one Husyuur as my lunch.The body aching with all the standing and frying on Sat night til 2am took its toll.But I had to kept on with another cup of coffee.When the day finally ends,she complains the earning is not enough with all the work we had put in.Hell,if it wasnt for you kept on asking me to buy irrelevant stuffs,I could have saved more for you guys.Earned 1000yen per person might not be much,but I think it better than just earning back out cost only.

Went to my first Uchiage,a small scale party for our class.Had Milk Cocktail which I think only Japan has.This is my 5th time drinking alcohol in Japan.My 3rd visit to Izakaya.Cycled back with Wakebe and Eguchi.Had fun though tired.Thoughts after the festival?Tiring but satisfied.I knew conflicts were bound to happen,but I was glad in the end everything turned out fine.I know they would complain,somehow or another,but I also know that when everything is over,nothing would matter.I'm glad that some worked hard without giving too much opinions and although 'some' complained too much,I was glad they were there at the tent to help pull everything out well while I was away at the exhibition.I was glad Araki was patient with me while I run to and fro from the stall and exhibitionI'm sorry I complained and rant so much here,but cuz I kept mum about my opinions to make sure everything runs smoothly during the festival,I have no choice.I'm not perfect,I need to voice out my dissatisfaction too..

Now,although my body is aching badly,but I was glad everything was done.Given another chance,I would do it again albeit getting very tired.After all,it gives me a good experience to handle 'problematic' people,helps me to test my abilities to manage something,gives me a good experience than the usual boring classes.

In other words,gave me an interesting event in a part of my life.Kudos to everyone who made this festival a success..(first time get to see how people at the 'backstage' help to work out a splendid 'performance',to make sure everything runs smoothly..Murakami,Wakki,Araki,Eguchi..Gokurosama..)

~DARUI !!~

Came back from a fabulous Saturday outing to a disastreous Sunday morning.Went to Kobe for the Kobe Biennale after seeing May Ching's blog about it.I know I know,I've been travelling too much,but heck,its not often the exhibition is here and while I'm in Japan,I wanna experience and see more things.So though I'm not exactly an 'art' person,I went down for the exhibition all the same.

I made the decision on Tuesday,I was later told that there's a MSAJ Raya party on that day itself too..SOOO??Of course pergi makan lar..Well,I'm meeting May Ching in the evening also,got time,so go 'experience' Raya in Japan for the first time..Went there,no one I knew.Lucky these guys teman-ed me..else look so jacoon,go there for the food mer...

Michael,Fook Hee and Jeremy..Acting as if I'm not there...

The small group..



The big group...(Osaka University students..)Didn't even talked to anyone of them,but when it comes to picture time..Jom Jom...=)

Not 1 table oni,the other side of the room still got...

After finishing 2plates of fabulous-truly-Malaysian food and winning the lucky draw (a bag of goodies sponsored by Tourism Malaysia,mostly pamphlets,but I liked the Malaysian postcard and batik included),went for the exhibition.Was lost for awhile but found our way in the end..

Sesat jalan also no need to get angry,take pictures,and be happy=)

I really had fun taking pictures there.I know,I know,people go there to admire the art,not for the point of taking pictures.I do aknowledge the works they have done,more of like,impressed by most,but that doesn't mean cannot take pictures camwhore also right??So,let the picturelathon begin..

I liked this, the light inside the container is red,but the picture is taken from outside.Go figure how the pic turns all red.Hint,look closely and you'll see words..


Of black and white,zebras and MCs...hehe...

What are these??Look closely...

Helloooo????

One of my favorites..the baloons and the light have a very calming effect..

Can see what this art is based on?

Another favorite of mine...

Some very cool ikebana(flower arrangements..)

After the exhibition met the guys for dinner at Chinatown.FH trying hard to finish all the food..haha.He made my day by trying so hard...Should see his reaction when MC took out the mooncake while he was struggling to put food in his stomach..Priceless..hahhaha

The weather turned chilly all of a sudden so MC and I quickly found a karaoke outlet to stay.Sang til 2.30am,slept til 4am when the stomachache started..Gosh,from then on..Its like karaoke half way,toilet...sleep halfway,toilet...Even up to Yoshinoya where we had breakfast,I went to the toilet.On the way back to Suzuka,toilet once in the train,once at the train station.Even missed one train because of my stomachache!"#$&#$%$&')('(

Reached here 4hours later,battling stomache and the sudden chill.Had too little to wear.My 20min bicycle ride from the train station to my hostel took 43mins today.Almost fell down from imbalance at one junction from my bicycle.Came back,did the usual cleanup,sat down for reports.I'm doomed.Back to reality I guess.Escapede over,time to work.Oni had 2 and a half hour sleep the whole day,wonder how will I score with my small test tmr..hah!

Bye May Ching,til we meet again....

Note to self: crazy for thinking about work when my lips are white,face paled,and dark circles under my eye more obvious than anything..I even talked and walked in slow motion,drawing concerns from SS,TY and Wakebe.Diarrhea,I HATE you...

~Caught me thinking~

"All the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players:
they have their exits and their entrances;
and one man in his time plays many parts..."

William Shakespeare

Remember my post about pretender?

Today Mr.Lawson gave me an insight of what socialogists do.

Socialogists are people who analyse the social structure of a country,

On the macro-level,the role of education,healthcare,politics etc.

And they have to look at things by its "function and conflict".

Meaning a function socialogists will give his opinions about what a certain role a thing plays within the society.Namely citing the function.A conflict socialogists will give a whole new different perspective of the topic debated.For example Marriage.

"Why Marry?What is marriage?"

The Japanese and I gave answers like to keep the population and produce the next generation,blah blah blah crappy,shallow answers.But no,you could do that without marriage,Mr.Lawson said.*grinning

A function socialogist would say:Marriage is a bond to keep two person together,with sound mind,in order to be able to raise children well..Without it,no one would one to be responsible for the child he fathered etc.

A conflict socialogists would say:Marriage is a way to keep a man dominant.With marriage,man can show who's in power,who controls the family,society etc.

But of course,this is all spoken in general terms.Times are changing,women can be dominant too nowadays,he said.But that's not the point,point is,everyone has a role to play.Like a function socialogist and a conflict socialogists have a total different ways of thinking regarding one issue,they are just providing their opinions as their role requires them to do so.

And so do all of us.We tend to behave differently with almost everyone we know.And who taught us to do that?Who taught us how to behave well in the society,what is the norm;what...are the rules?Every country has a different norm and rules,which is why it crosscultural experience is difficult.

Because every country has a different 'director' therefore,we have a different role to play.Thus,to make a good 'performance' and to help the 'perforemer' pull out a great 'performance',citing an example:you pretend not to notice when the teacher accidently lost his footing but listen on to his lecture etc.We as 'audience' have to play our role well as a student and help to make the 'performance' a success.

When I wrote Pretender,I got some negative feedbacks.Why is that so,I wonder?Do you not agree that you are pretending all this while?Not saying that one is a fake,but I call this an 'adaption' to people around us,to the society...You cannot say you have one main characteristic,which really defines you as a whole because that is not possible.Try using one word to describe yourself.I would say it's all part of 'pretending' and you are just playing a role whenever,whichever the situation requires you to do so..

My point being?Try and stop telling people what is right and what is wrong,for there is no definition of the real right or wrong.We have been 'brainwashed' to accept what is acceptable and what is not,because the society requires us to do so in order to keep away conflicts and to maintain a balance as a whole.And no one,ever,has the right to call another a fake...

Because they are just who they are,playing their role...

~13th October 2007~

Today is my mum's birthday.
Today is Joyce's birthday as well.



Today is the first day of Raya.
Today is the first time Anuar made some Malay food for me.

Today marks the end of my fasting.
I manage to fast for 22day.
A feat for myself,
To prove how strong my will power is.
No,this has nothing to with dieting.
Believe it or not.




Today a friend called me because he was free.
A rare phone call since people usually call when they have something to ask,
A favour, an invitation, a question etc...







Today I spent my day in my room,studying...

But I'm not my pressured,

I'm actually enjoying it because I'm doing it at my own pace.

Today I managed to make dinner,
Where TY said:"Good enough to sell"=)
Nothing beats seeing someone being happy eating food made by your own hands..




Today I took another 30minutes walk for myself.
This time without making any phone calls.

The weather was cool and I had time to cool off things on my mind.
The night of Autumn is silent,tranquil and relaxing.

I had a eventful week.
Taiikusai(Sports festival) where I had fun losing at soft tennis,
Had fun wearing the tsunagi (black uniform) where my friends wrote 'もち肌' for me.
I prefered that to '完璧',cuz I'm not 完璧(perfect).


I had fun at Mr.Lawson's room chatting again.
This time with 3other Japanese guys.


I got into my 卒研部屋,
Where we were given 12questions to do each.
Infer the chemical structures base of NMR spectrums.
Cool?Gimme a break.
Have to do 3rd year studies revision again.
Sigh.
Class No.1 is in the same room as me.
He manage to explain to the 編入生while solving the questions quickly than me and 荒木together..
My first hour in the room was a torture.
But I'll be ready when the next day comes.
It's a challenge I would like to face.



I'm back to normal.
No more pessimistic thoughts.
For now.



No assurance for the coming days.
Kosen sai coming up,
Reports mounting,
Revisions to do,
Preparations for experiments.

What if...
I am a born sadist???
.
.
.
.
.
.
Means you guys will have to bear with more negative blogs lo...=p

~Interesting~

Visited Ben's blog..Tried this..Is this my real personality?Close enough..

~Calm~

Weather getting cold nowadays.Take care guys/girls...By the way,hope you guys like the song I've embed on my blog.This song brings me a sense of calmness I've never felt before.Some might say its a bit melancholic,I say it brings hope..

Looking back at my picture folders,realised that time really flies.I've visited so many places,every bit of my trips is vividly in mind as I look back.Its already October.2more months before I have to bid 2007 goodbye.What a fast and dramatic year I had.Sorry,I know its a bit too early for new year resolutions and reminiscing about the past.But I've realised that I've changed in some ways and sometimes I hurt people whom I have no intention of hurting.Which makes me sad when they start shunning away from me.Sometimes,being too warm-hearted is not a good thing after all.

There's lots that I want to say,but time doesn't allows it.Until I have the chance to blog again,see ya peeps...

~No more~

No more deep thoughts this time around.Realised that thinking too much is not good for me.Today is Sunday,we're having an additional public holiday on Monday.So I went for No Reservation by Catherine Zeta-Jones showing at Nagoya.The movie was not bad,but I have to try to cut down my movie trips to Nagoya,cuz everytime I go there I'll end up splurging.Yesterday splurged on dinner,a nice cup of chocolate frappe,movie and hard disk..*sweat..

I've managed to catch 1 TV programme last Friday.It's called Extreme World Tour,showing how the Japanese go to a desginated country for 2 or 3days without accomadation and just travel non stop to a few world heritage sites before returning to Japan.When I turned on the TV it was showing China,a place I fell in love with,and it got me glued to the TV.It showed a place called Multi Coloured Pool (五彩池　黄龍　四川省北部）and it was amazingly beautiful..It's one of the place I've always wanted to go,namely one of the scenice spots of 九寨溝...What fate I have seeing it on TV...The guy actually got to hug a panda some more...Arrghhh,cute...I missed out Turkey and Egypt,but I saw China,Iceland and Angkor Wat.Iceland's Blue Lagoon with it's silica mud is said to be good for the skin.It's sorta like a huge public lagoon.The Iceland geyser(間欠泉) is something worth watching too..It's a natural spring that sometimes sends hot water or steam up into the air....They also showed the ridge between the North American plate and the Eurasian plate said to be the in between where Earth is born..(Geography of Iceland)Hmm..Amazing..And now only I know that Angkor Wat's sunrise is also a view not to be missed..

I guess watching TV does do some good sometimes huh?hehe..Feel like travelling again...sighh...

*making a list of countries I wanna visit...hehe..China?Korea?

~卒研~

Just when things start to get better, I suddenly felt like I was thrown into another world. The issue of the day, we had senseis introducing their respective research and we were given the choice to choose which ‘'room' we want to go and this 10min per introduction really made me awed and fascinated.

Fact is, it never occurred to me that I can have the choice to do all these research. We have so many choices to choose from, for example, to do research on diabetes and insulin, to change hazardous chemicals to environment-friendly components, to do research on bio-fuels, to improve the quality of ink, to improve on medicines that were ban to make it safe for consumption once more...the lists go on. I’m kind of interested in doing research on changing the hazardous chemicals to environment-friendly components, but because there’s two different ways of doing it, I’m having a headache of which sensei’s research to choose. I was awed because all these research seemed so unbelievable and difficult.

Making medicines, doing researches, attending talks, writing thesis, giving presentations to world-wide researchers…They all seemed so foreign to me when I was young. They all just seemed like a dream that could never be reached and could only be watched and awed from far away. Listening to the senseis while they intro-ed their research, showing their recognized thesis, patent, talks in overseas, I suddenly felt that these teachers are really dedicated to their research and our mere ‘high marks’ in exam is nothing compared to the level of research they are doing. These are really geniuses of the world, doing their respective part and I daresay, serving mankind. I really think they deserve better treatment than being ridiculed by these Japanese young kids/Yankees who think they are so ‘mature’. They deserve more respect. The level of difficulty, to find solutions to problems created by others, to create formulas which could not be understood by pure mortals like us but a great solution to other geniuses...This is a world like a foreign language to me, one of the wonders in life I would say, and now, I’m given a chance to understand all these, or should I say be a part of it? Again, I’m baffled by the wonders of knowledge and the complexity of the human brain..

Still, amazement and shocked aside, I’ll have to learn to do all this now. I guess it’s a way of saying “GROW UP!!” to me. Suddenly, life is not all about Math, Physics or Chemistry anymore. There’s more to that...

*pics...overdued tutor's suprise-small-scale party...