~Self-confinement~

Note that the previous blog I said at the last line:"I will change"..I meant..hell,I locked myself out from the outside world and gave myself some serious training..Yes people,I gave myself serious mental training..Know how?Forced my mum drive me back all the way to my hostel on Tuesday...Lock myself up in my room,become a hermit and...SELF STUDY!!!Yes people..I did just that..siao bo?

And hell,it was a torture..Dah-lar nobody around,got lar actually,some Malay gals stayed back..But I really locked myself up with no human contact til Thursday...They didn't even know I was in the hostel..Waseh..self study in room,easier said then done...know why?You have to be extra/super self discipline to not talk to a single soul and just read read read..non stop..Occasionally napping is already a very high form of leisure..Half and hour,half and hour is all it takes for me to get homesick and the urge to call my mum pick me home was already bursting to be set free..I MISS TV AND FOOD...that's why..But I didn't go back all the way just to get back home again no?SO,I tahan.....till today.Friday,the day where mum said she'll pick me up..Let's see..MY self-realisation...

Walau-eh,time flies ler..I spent 3 days to study Math and during this time.I had to supress the feeling of calling and sms-in more friends(where are they when you need them most).The phone is my only form of communication with the outside world..Every minute that passes by was like a minute stab of self torture..The mental torture of reading more but can't help feeling I'm not reading fast enough..How am I going to finish the syllabus at this pace??besides the occasional,die lar,next week got more past year papers to do,can finish bo?...loads of crap creeping up every minute and every hour there..As the mind seems to wander off,the angel and demon seems to have a comfortable seat upon my shoulders..

Demon:Read so much for what lar,Monkashyo,like SPM,the wider the scope,the easier it'll be..
Angel:You don't read,however easy also cannot do...
Demon:But no need spend so much time on one subject lar,go study other subject lar..
Angel: Read everything,if not how you can answer..Every point counts..

Scoreboard:Angel..1..demon..0
The result..Wasted 3 outta 4 days on Math..alone...sigh

Comes the sickening hour of the day..2pm til 4pm..The time where you just had lunch and felt downright drowsy,but you know if you sleep you'll waste another 2hours..2hours,can finish a lot ler,though not enough one chapter lar...comes 7pm til 9pm..shit!2more hours before bedtime,hurry up....and a mad rush for the next few hours..I made it clear to myself not to sleep late but wake up early..for many reasons including,for the beauty of my skin,for my health,for..err..not to pressuring myself..well,you know what they say..When the night gets late,besides of the weariness the sips through,there's another dose of...hallucination and imaginations running wild..so err..Zao sui zao qi(early to bed,early to rise)...=p

Demon:Sleep more,if not you'll not get enough sleep for the next day..Read til late night oso can't finish one lar..
Angel:Sleep more,for the benefits of your health,but don't procrastinate..

hmm..Angel sounds nicer..So..took half an hour nap every 3pm..for only...20minutes..

But of cuz,I did cut myself some slack..Breakfast is THE thing to look forward to..Had wanton mee the first morning(wednesday),chee cheong fun the next morning..and Nasi lemak and rendang ayam..*licks..sedap giler...this morning...(that is the only form of human contact..the ordering of breakfast)Lunch and dinner?Another mental torture...skip that part..You don't wanna know..

And thank goodness I had goodnight sleeps and enough courage to switch of the lights to sleep..haha.Never had a problem with "those things"..touch wood..Well,had enough stab of loneliness and made Chee Wei called me and arranged for a meeting tomorrow..New Years eve..My last year in Malaysia..I DON"T CARE!!I WANNA GO COUNTDOWN><...Chee Wei was such a sport,really called and we chatted long..Miss my best buddy here,used to chat everyday when I was working at Vincci..After I went into PPKTJ,and he,to form6,we seldom chatted.Nostalgic...He is one of the rare guys who can be a gals' bestfriend and one that can really pour your heart out to..Cheers to friendship with a guy like him..(makes me think,we says guys and gals can't be best friends??THIS..I disagree with you Uematsu Sensei..GALs and GUYs..CAN be best friends..)=p

This is creepy,why is it that self studying in my room requires so much self discipline while others seems to take their own sweet time doing so?I didn't even go back to class for tuition while the rest did..How can they finish the syallabus?!?!?!My time planning all wrong?Walau,and I still wanna go countdown..hehe..don't care lar don't care lar...The irony..It's is confirmed..The years of Chinese education has instilled a very high level of nicely-said "self-discipline" in me,or else better known as "kiasu-ism" besides the extra dose of "competitveness" and "comparisons"..3more lousy weeksss....3 more weeks of self-torture in the form of "self pressure"..sigh,I can't procrastinate as much as I have the urge to do so..I'm freaking myself out..yea,my new nama..FREAK!

As she bits her crimson red lips,face paled immuniation by the pale lights.She faces her worst demon in the form of "her-self"....While listening to the pattering of rains,outside the window...like small little feets of leprachauns,meetin deadlines with hurried little feet..."Friends are to be made and to be broken only THIS you have control of it".she thought,sighing miserably..As she forces herself into the world of figures and formulas..forcing herself to get use to the maze of her brain,every nook and every corner of it.Putting up a formula for every corner,hopefully to retrieve it when she needs to..

Some crap I thought up..Highly exaggerated by mua,thought up when I had 2minutes before falling to sleep yesterday..THIS meant...go figure...=p