~craps as usual~

I have been wanting to blog again these few days but can't really do so due to my hectic study schedule.As you all would have gotten bored hearing,I have loads of small tests to handle etc.This weekend I have foreign students trip to Kanazawa.In the meantime,I'm rushing my homework.

Some little thoughts again(but as usual,it'll be a long drag)..On Wednesday,I've learnt some things.The Embassy sent some officials over to talk to us Malaysian students in Suzuka College.I'm not sure if it was a random thing but once they arrived here,after all the customary smile-hand-shake and apa khabar,it was down to business.

Apparently my 5year sempais are not doing academically well and the reviews from the teachers were also quite,how to say,luke warm.Having to know them personally,I thought they were those active kind.However,that seems to be a disguise.In class,the teacher said that they are very quiet and didn't really mix around with the Jap.Ben sempai eventually defended himself saying that he actually paid more effort in getting to know the Jap in his kendo club.How true is that I have no idea.

Having said that and a few warning to them,Mr.Adib turned to face Soo Sing sempai with a bright smile almost as soon as he turns around.(jia dao si).He praised her for her academic performances and her initiative to know her classmates and her teachers.Having said that,he warned/advised us to study well ,for the JPA is considering having stricter rules for application to University to futher our studies to get a degree.And he goes on about how we,being the creme de la creme,should NOT get results that is only 'cukup makan',we should aim high as we are the mere 0.5% of the 40k SPM students.The talk actually,didn't really gave me too much pressure,it just gave me a wake up call that I SHOULD be mixing around,should be more thick face and ask if I don't understand etc.I mean,come on,this is a lifetime opportunity so I have to make the best out of it.

I wonder why I was so shy in the first place....

Straight after THE TALK,I head back and vowed to change.Straight complaint to my members in class,spitting out broken Jap without any concern and heaved a sigh of relief after being in a 'hibernated' mood for so long.I had long worry that what if after a year,my Jap,after speaking so much,still suck,HOW COULD I LIVE up to myself?I DON'T want to see myself in my Vietnam sempai's state,after a year in Tokyo,a year here,yet,she cannot even speak proper Jap..No,I don't want to.Already my Japanese bunpo HAS deteriorated to the max,the least I can do is speak well.No joke,I doubt I can use any bombastic bunpo to write an article now,much less read and understand one like the time I was in PPKTJ.In my blind pursuation of speaking and adapting well here,I've lost my most valueable treasure,to master a good Japanese language.Now,all I do is crap and talk 'biasa'.Shame on me..

I've noticed that I've changed too,physically,maybe fatter.Emotionally,I'm scaring myself.It has been a long time since I get over excited or over melancholic over ANYTHING.Last year,I can feel myself being sensitive to everything,to my feelings,to what other people say.I relised now that it doesn't really matter.Life goes on,you get tired caring about what others say..

I have a motto which I believe in without relising it most of the time:" Whatever you do,you wouldn't actually care so much in say,5 or 6 years time.Do what you think is right and appropriate...In other words,be adaptive,be comfortable to face your future self and have minimum regrets"

Life here,so far,is not bad.I go to school,fight with myself,restrain from eating too much and online too often,study for my course cuz its a difficult one.I had dinner with Die-san yesterday,dinner with Tomoko-san today,was told not to mind in volleyball today by Takamura-san and joked with my tutor Wakebe a lot today.Braved myself to ask Matsuda sensei on the things I don't understand in his lessons and enjoyed translating to Jap in my English Club today.(however broken it sounded)Had fun getting to know Lawson sensei and Aki-san,a student from another class in ESS.Still,I hadn't manage to study as much as my classmates which,I learnt today,sleep at the range of midnight to 1am daily.I'm feeling guilty sleeping promptly at 11pm.But its my habit,I'm used to criticsms by fellow PPKTJ-ians last time too..swell...

Last but not least,I realised,I am moving forward,not neglecting my friends in Malaysia but the earth still turns,they have their own life to live,I have mine to explore.Things change along with the course of time,I can never turn back time to those happy memories of secondary school,primary school or in PPKTJ or at Vincci,or all the mamak sessions or the movie dates and spontaneous trips.I can only look forward to making more of them.