~Exam~

Exam coming...Read back some post a few months back,was wondering why the hell I kept such long blogs..Anyway,it was a good remedy..I sound so childish in some.And some of the flash backs was fun and sweet as I read on.To keep this short,will just brief it through..

Vivian,love ya!!haha..Called all the way from India,what a suprise!!!Oh my God,I still can't believe you call me all the way from India!!And Yann Yoong,liked the cal to Australia??hahaha.I officially declare I love technology.I guess I still have the typical primtive thinking that's why it seems so amazing to be able to get a call and make one across the globe..wohooo..

Exam is near,study is a word I heard and hate most right now.People are staying back in class to study,sports are cancelled,library is packed..These are the scary symptoms..So what am I doing here?Gotta go..jyane..Good luck to everyone in Japan.Most of you having exams during these few weeks too right?Jya,good luck

~分かった～

母に電話したところ。。。一か月一回の電話から、一週一回の電話になった。分かってきたのは母はずっと私のブログーを読んでることが明らかだ。はきりに言わなかったけど、なんで“えぃ、勉強すごく大変？”が最初の言葉か、よく分かってきた。毎回の電話は４分間に過ぎない。前はずっと気にしなかったけど、今日はなんとなく我慢できず、電話のあと。。。。つい涙が出てきた。いや、違った。。なんとなくじゃなくて、理由は明白だ。。。。。。


ここのプレシャーはすごかった。


皆は私を信じてと言ってくれたけど、私は自ら騙された。私そんな立派な人じゃない。そんなに強くない。。。強かったら、今の涙を抑えられるはずなの。。。勉強大変といっても，頑張らないはずはない。そいうことは私は自分に何回も言った。自分はプレシャーを抑えられると信じた。。叫び出しても、ちゃんと勉強をやる。。でも、今私何をする？泣きながら、onlineする。弱者だ。。。onlineするのは、友達と相談したい。。。だれもいない。。。。めちゃさびしい。。。。いやだ。。。。いやだ。。。こんな私。。。

~Singing the blues~

This week has been quite normal besides the fact I've started a journal.An old fashion diary.Wonder why?Cuz I've always wanted to keep track of my daily life and can't be bothered back in Malaysia.Here,starting one might make me notice things I might forgot in the near future.Haha.Like the fact I find the Jap gals in the hostel quite cute brushing their teeth walking down the hall to retrieve their laundry.Its a sight to see,I mean,them in pajamas is OK but see them with make up and cute skirts and lacy dresses?hahaha...

Saw my tutor in tears,dropped one or two myself when we were asked to write comments about our life here.The exam pressure is high and almost everyone in my class is starting to panic now,even the redhair guy who always cause distruption in class is also studying during lunch..Whoaaa...I'm not sure if its only my class but everyone seems extra jumpy and hardworking these days.My tutor having to get so tired,slept and woke up at 3am to study..again..WHOAAAAAAA...Me,I'm doomed..I cannot write nor speak proper Jap,will just try my best..sigh..Study study study..lalallalala..

No more long blogs,the end.Have fun you people...while I rot in my own thoughts..muahahhaha

~Coming~

The feeling is finally coming...


Exams and tests and quizes,
Have taken up every part of my daily life.
I hate the feeling,
Of doing not so well,yet fail,
To rejoice whole heartedly when it the other way around.

Why do I feel that?
The mindset of,'its only natural you should do well'??
The thought of, ' there's more to come,don't be so relief'???
The relisation that,'This is not the major exam paper'??

The only good thing about this is,time passes quickly,
Week by week,lesson by lesson,day by day and night by night.
I'm amazed that it's already 1month and a half.
Everday,every week and every month,
I try to look forward to something.
In order not to break down or give myself too much time to think.

Now I have too much stuff to do,
I wonder if I can coope?
Exam is around the corner,
13subjects all together.
Wonder how much I could gather,
To be one of the top scorers?

Life seems life a sweet candy here,
For I show only my happier times on my blog.
The daily lives goes on,
With so much precision and routineness,
That I sometimes wish for a stop but nevertheless could not...
And fought on.

And occasional chit-chat with friends,
And my senior who visits my room for a chat.
But you could never see me visiting her,
For I would rather catch up on my studies,
Failing to do so,I will 'wither'.
I admire her ability to be a scorer in her class,
And yet have amazing social skills.
Wonder when will I be like her,
Perfect in everyway..oh my,the pressure...

I would not,
And realised that I SHOULD not,
Rely on the teachers too much.
I can have my share of cake,
But should never ask for more.
I should earn it myself.

The feeling is finally returning,
Of pressure,'blue' as the Jap calls it,
As the days counts down,
To my first major exam.

How will I score?
Only time can tell...

~Another Trip金沢~

It has been only about a month and I went to another place already.This time to Kanazawa.All the foreign students and their tutor went.Not a bad experience.SAw some super extraordinary beautiful architectures that took my breath away.Went for Karaoke too.Let the pictures do the talking then..


A beautiful scenery had it not spoilt by the cars...




Went to two places all together..this first one where we can have a hands on making things like Japanese paper or glass sculping.I drew pictures on my glass..Next was the famous kenryokuen and kanazawa shi koenn..Nice srchitecture that really blew me off..Went in for a mere 300yen..worth it man.

~My first major shock~

Yea,I'm blogging again.Well,can't help it,I just shocked myself....

After 5 hours of shopping for gifts and finish up my errands,I came back tired.Moved one of my beds out,covered the empty space with a carpet and spent lotsa money which made me felt guilty.Mind you,I only got myself the carpet and a report pad.

The shocked came after I settle myself down with the stuffs I bought and I stepped in for the oh-so comfortable warm shower.One thing that gives me the calm and tranquility is when I stepped into the shower room,having hot,strong water hitting my chilled body(no thanks to the weather here which til now is still cold whereas other places,people have start to dress less).In the shower room,in the smalled confined place,I always think clearer as I thought back what I had done for the day and what should I do so on and so forth.In other words,the shower room is the only time I can have for myself,uncontrolled by the tempo of study study and study more.

Today however,I'm stripped off of my daily luxury(after a tiring day too!!).The heater went cukkoo and I had to use the Japnese's shower room.The thing is,the shower room is adjacent to the ofuro..where(for does who is still blur),now don't drool,all the naked gals are in a huge tub.Lucky there was no one today but the Jap gal who brought me to the shower room,straight strip in front of me without thinking twice as we were in a hurry to let my other sempai use.They too haven't showered.Imagine my shocked.Luckily I was not wearing my contact lense.I just saw the top,don't dare to lower my eyes and staright closed rhe door.I guess today is my fastest record,after showering,I quickly dressed and head back to my room before I catch a sight of my sempai stripping.Its different to see someone you know strip then to see strangers strip you know......>.<

Actually,I realised the fact that what they have,I have too..Common sense tells me that.But at least,if I really have to go into an ofuro,let me do it in another state,with no one I know off.Not in this place,the hostel,where I can bump into everyone...I'm still not prepared to face it yet..One of them smugged at me,I don't care.Its only a month since I've reach here mar...gimme a break..

Swell,had a great day shopping.Its nice to buy things for others.But I felt like shit right now cuz I'm damn tired.The Jap's shower isn't even hot.Eventually,we found out,the whole hostel's heater when haywire.Great..Tomorrow a trip to Kanazawa,a reknown place after the hit drama and movie of Ainiyukimasu.Hope I'll have fun..jyaa

~craps as usual~

I have been wanting to blog again these few days but can't really do so due to my hectic study schedule.As you all would have gotten bored hearing,I have loads of small tests to handle etc.This weekend I have foreign students trip to Kanazawa.In the meantime,I'm rushing my homework.

Some little thoughts again(but as usual,it'll be a long drag)..On Wednesday,I've learnt some things.The Embassy sent some officials over to talk to us Malaysian students in Suzuka College.I'm not sure if it was a random thing but once they arrived here,after all the customary smile-hand-shake and apa khabar,it was down to business.

Apparently my 5year sempais are not doing academically well and the reviews from the teachers were also quite,how to say,luke warm.Having to know them personally,I thought they were those active kind.However,that seems to be a disguise.In class,the teacher said that they are very quiet and didn't really mix around with the Jap.Ben sempai eventually defended himself saying that he actually paid more effort in getting to know the Jap in his kendo club.How true is that I have no idea.

Having said that and a few warning to them,Mr.Adib turned to face Soo Sing sempai with a bright smile almost as soon as he turns around.(jia dao si).He praised her for her academic performances and her initiative to know her classmates and her teachers.Having said that,he warned/advised us to study well ,for the JPA is considering having stricter rules for application to University to futher our studies to get a degree.And he goes on about how we,being the creme de la creme,should NOT get results that is only 'cukup makan',we should aim high as we are the mere 0.5% of the 40k SPM students.The talk actually,didn't really gave me too much pressure,it just gave me a wake up call that I SHOULD be mixing around,should be more thick face and ask if I don't understand etc.I mean,come on,this is a lifetime opportunity so I have to make the best out of it.

I wonder why I was so shy in the first place....

Straight after THE TALK,I head back and vowed to change.Straight complaint to my members in class,spitting out broken Jap without any concern and heaved a sigh of relief after being in a 'hibernated' mood for so long.I had long worry that what if after a year,my Jap,after speaking so much,still suck,HOW COULD I LIVE up to myself?I DON'T want to see myself in my Vietnam sempai's state,after a year in Tokyo,a year here,yet,she cannot even speak proper Jap..No,I don't want to.Already my Japanese bunpo HAS deteriorated to the max,the least I can do is speak well.No joke,I doubt I can use any bombastic bunpo to write an article now,much less read and understand one like the time I was in PPKTJ.In my blind pursuation of speaking and adapting well here,I've lost my most valueable treasure,to master a good Japanese language.Now,all I do is crap and talk 'biasa'.Shame on me..

I've noticed that I've changed too,physically,maybe fatter.Emotionally,I'm scaring myself.It has been a long time since I get over excited or over melancholic over ANYTHING.Last year,I can feel myself being sensitive to everything,to my feelings,to what other people say.I relised now that it doesn't really matter.Life goes on,you get tired caring about what others say..

I have a motto which I believe in without relising it most of the time:" Whatever you do,you wouldn't actually care so much in say,5 or 6 years time.Do what you think is right and appropriate...In other words,be adaptive,be comfortable to face your future self and have minimum regrets"

Life here,so far,is not bad.I go to school,fight with myself,restrain from eating too much and online too often,study for my course cuz its a difficult one.I had dinner with Die-san yesterday,dinner with Tomoko-san today,was told not to mind in volleyball today by Takamura-san and joked with my tutor Wakebe a lot today.Braved myself to ask Matsuda sensei on the things I don't understand in his lessons and enjoyed translating to Jap in my English Club today.(however broken it sounded)Had fun getting to know Lawson sensei and Aki-san,a student from another class in ESS.Still,I hadn't manage to study as much as my classmates which,I learnt today,sleep at the range of midnight to 1am daily.I'm feeling guilty sleeping promptly at 11pm.But its my habit,I'm used to criticsms by fellow PPKTJ-ians last time too..swell...

Last but not least,I realised,I am moving forward,not neglecting my friends in Malaysia but the earth still turns,they have their own life to live,I have mine to explore.Things change along with the course of time,I can never turn back time to those happy memories of secondary school,primary school or in PPKTJ or at Vincci,or all the mamak sessions or the movie dates and spontaneous trips.I can only look forward to making more of them.

~Golden week~

The most anticipated event I have been waiting for finally ended.Met up with lotsa friends to watch the Thomas Cup in Tokyo.It was an event not to be missed.WE cheered with the utmost energy and with all our hearts out and thankfully Malaysia managed to enter the quater finals.Too bad Wong Choon Han,Malaysias' most skillful player was injured during his match and gave points to Korea cuz he gave up.Rumor has it that he cannot really play anymore.How true is it,I have no idea.

Went there by bus on Tuesday night,shivering in cold as the breeze of Suzuka swept by with no mercy.Was lucky to have a nice lady in her early 20s sitting beside me in the bus.Chatted with her a little,found that she has been to Malaysia before.Reached Tokyo at about 5am the next day.While wondering around the streets waiting for time to pass before meeting Loke Eng at 11am.The shops were not open that early but it was bright as daylight broke in.Met up with Clement.Had Yoshinoya for breakfast.

Met with the rest after a stop at Gotanda,realising that it has been exactly a month ago I was there,just reached and stopped at the Toko hotel.Next we went to Shinjuku,hoping to find a bowling area that is open but found non.The rest looked alright,not much changes and we all chatted again.Went to our place to stay and was really amazed.The place was typically Japanese type small.But we all had a shock for it was REALLY REALLY small.Quickly left our bags and saw the first match of Thomas cup.Had karaoke and dinner.Shared room with Hanim,Aimi and Ayuni.

The next day revolves around having lunch that took hours and then head to a well know park in Shinjuku??(forgotten the name again) and got to know our Super sempai(super seniors) ranging from 5nensei to those in University.Our year everyone turned up except for May Ching,Kim and Chin Leong.Getting to know the seniors was fun but had a hard time remembering names.Had games and we called it a day.Had a luxurious dinner in Elephant restaurant which sells Vietnam and Thai food.Lovely with a super comfortable atmosphere too.Went back for the first time without seniors.Just Teo,Jenny,Xin Ning,Min Ley and I.Made it back safely.Jenny joined in to our 'apartment' and was shocked..

The next day I walked around with Min Ley around Roppongi,had a nice breakfast then we went to Harajuku for shopping.Got my first skirt here,doubt I'll wear to school.Then watch the Thomas cup again,on the way saw the group of teachers who went to BTN with us and met Anuar and gang.Cheered for Malaysia team til night falls.Was dissapointed Malaysia lost but was proud to say everyone tried their best.Most have left,even Min Ley.The room was down to Xin ning and mua.

The next morning Xin Ning left at 7am,head back cuz she promised to go to her tutor's hometown.I went on packing and headed to Ueno Park alone.Saw lotsa things and managed to catch an exhibition.Was about to go to TOkyo University for a stroll but the park was too big that before I had time,I had to go back.Met Boon Hon and Fook Hee at Roppongi for lunch at Sazeriya and the met up with Soo Sing and Shi han and bought tickets for Umizaru 2.Head back myself cuz I left my luggage in the apartment and took 3hours to and fro to Nishi-Magome and back to Roppongi.My feet starting to have blister.The show was super nice and we had dinner at the plush Bintang-walk-alike Roppongi Hills.Everyone bid goodbye.

This time had no problem sleeping in the bus and reached here at 7am.Came back and settle down and started to finish up my report.Its all back to work for me.Having 2 small tests tomorrow.At last,I finally had fun coming to Japan.Golden week holidays was short but I had fun.Next Saturday and Sunday it'll be foreign students trip for my school so I woldn't ahve time to blog about Tokyo then.So here,my report of Golden Week ends.Sorry for the lack of 'salt and pepper' to make it interesting.Need to conserve my brain power for tomorrows small test.Oyasumi~

~Dizzy~

For the first time I had no control over my body...I realised all the symptoms were there,hearing voices two rooms away,swaping between real life and dream-like fantasy,thus being really restless...And true enough,for the first time I'm here,I don't feel like getting up and was lazying around on my bed early in the morning after the beep of my alarm clock...

It started of as warning.a mere ant bite pain..But it grew worse at the same pace of the weather as it gets warmer.The warm weather felt good on my skin,and for once,I need not wear a jacket over my top to class.The Monday lessons were the most boring and today,the dose of boring-ness and sleepiness enheightens the pain.I had a terrible headache...

Bearing it for 4hours,I went back to my hostel as usual for my lunch.Todays' serving however,was in the form of a 15-minute-nap.Woke up feeling better and head back to class,my face getting warmer and flushy,thanks to the welcoming warmth from the sun.However,the next lesson was a bullet-train one-on-one lesson and within 45minutes,I was taught and had tried to absorb the 1st and 2nd year syllabus of Organic Chemistry.If that is not pressuring enough,try having to do exercises there and then while the sensei is breathing down your neck,checking if you really understood what he had taught amidst all the "haik,wakaramishita"..

I nearly collapsed when I went back to my class for the next lesson,jiken(experiment).Did the experiment with full concentration,holding back every ounce of throbbing pain in my head.Even managed to correct my partner and she in return,told me how to do the report.Went back to class about 4.30pm,the paon now intense,and I found myself not even bothered to hurry for my Japanese class.Luckily everyone was late..

Half way through answering questions,I can no longer withheld myself thus I asked my Japanese sensei if she have any medication for headache.She in return looked at me in a very concerned face and told me if I was really only having a headache for I was really flushed at that time.My face was hot and unusually pink at that time.She made me went to the clinic in school,stopping me from continuing the lesson and I was showed the way to the clinic by another nice sensei.Had my temprature taken but I was not ahving fever.

All I felt was nausea and a killing headache.I almost burst into tears when the doctor asked me how I was,saying it must felt hard to cope with the pressure etc.Actually,I'm fine with the time of the lesson here,having longer hours back in PPKTJ.In fact,I find it quite relaxing having short periods here(though the Jap complain it was long having to had 40min per period back then,now its 50min per period).The reason I had tears swelling up is that the pain was killing and having someone speaking to you in such soothing and concern voice in a state of pain,I had no idea what hit me.Luckily I managed to look away and blink back,amazed by my sudden emotional attack.Sigh,headaches are great mind conquerers..

Had no appetite for dinner,munched a few salad,took a few bites of noodles(the first time I feel that the canteen food sucks),chatted with Ben but could no longer withheld the nausetic feeling and excused myself.Sure enough,within minutes of reaching my hostel,all the food I had for dinner came through my mouth,even yesterday's dinner.Vomitted all in 3 go.First,dinner I just had,second yesterday's dinner,third,pure yellow liquid.Felt much better after vomitting and went to bed.Worried about my small test tomorrow but too weak to care..

The medication worked miriculously and within one hour of nap,I woke up fresh.Took the effort to get something in my stomach,cursing those people who doesn't know how to control their volume and their way of walking with loud thuds in their clogs.Tried revising for tomorrow and now,after waiting for the daily annoucement of "tenkou time""lights of time"..Its finally quieter.Hopefully,I can have a peaceful sleep tonight..Else,my journey to Tokyo will be a disaster.