~Watashino Sekai..~

~Quiet~

2012-01-28T22:28:00.002+09:00

There's no storyline,just some sudden thoughts.

Thoughts which happens every time I come to school on a Saturday.

People adapt to changes, even when they thought they couldn't do so.

It may seem impossible in the eyes of others,

But sometimes, it just a matter of taking the first step.

Who would have thought after so many years in Japan,

I would still juggle so many stuff at one time?

All the random rants on my blog last time,

Hasn't change one bit.

I'm still tired with piled up work.

Work, no matter how hard you try to end it,

Is a never ending task.

It's a fact.

A fact that could be really saddening if you let it sink into you.

Just doing it without treating it as work might be a better motivation.

Or so I tell myself.

I guess unless and until I manage to find a job,

And end the ever so pressuring job-hunting process in Japan,

I would be restless.

And de-motivated.

Part time job at the cake shop, or conference work which requires me spending more time on experiments aren't really helping me in my job-hunting process.

My peers are talking entry sheets, SE, 適正テスト, WEBテスト..

And I am looking at nothing at the moment.

Even my SPI2 book is collecting dust.

This, is a period I hate most.

~Christmas 2011~

2011-12-27T19:13:00.002+09:00

Had Christmas party on the 23rd.

Was busy since morning shopping for stuff to cook.

The final result was amazing, but trust me, that's because we have many strict cooks.

Oh well.

Got an air freshener for gift exchange.

YY cheered me up a lot with her surprised "Santa letter"

And also Lindt's chocolates, scarf and love letter.

I melted=)

Christmas eve and Christmas day itself was spent at the cake shop.

On Christmas eve it was crazily busy but nevertheless, we made it.

Got a free Christmas roll cake on the eve of Christmas.

Christmas day itself was pretty quiet.

But still we worked til 9pm compared to the 10.30pm the day before.

Snuggled up at a good sofa and spent the night watching TV before heading to bed.

26th and 27th.

Lab and experiments.

What do you expect? *sulks..

~Rest~

2011-11-29T22:16:00.002+09:00

The pain creeps up, slowly at first but getting worse by the hour.

The flow of customers never stopped, maybe it did, but only enough for a sip of cold lemon tea before the next flow continues.

5pm, the nausea sets in, the brunch called Maggi came out the way it went in.

Sounds of coughing was heard, flushed cheeks was seen and tears were streaming in the dark followed by the flushing sound of water down the toilet bowl.

The cool tap water tasted so lovely even if its only for gargling.

The girl in the mirror was both pale and flushed.

And the body continues to move at a slower pace, occasional wobbling was inevitable.

And the flow of customers never ceased, some might be wondering what happened to the red-flushed salesgirl with weary eyes and coarse voice.

7pm, finally it's time to officially say goodbye to all customers.

But it also meant the second time the nausea sets in, and the second time which food, liquids to be exact, not digested by the looks of it, gushed out from the mouth which it had earlier entered from 7 hours ago.

For the first time in her 25 years, she has known the limits of her body and was amused that no strong will whatsoever could drag her to go on.

7.30pm was her limits.

Sorry as she was, she had to leave for her body was forcing her to do so.

The daggers in her brain was piercing hard, her shoulders stiff as wood and her legs weighed tonnes.

It took her every ounce of strength in her body to drag herself home for a relaxing shower, she could still swallow some tasteless instant porridge though, before sinking into deep slumber at 8pm.

A day to remember, another history to recall.

Never take things for granted, for it might cause one's downfall.

~Random Tweets~

2011-11-09T09:49:00.003+09:00

From my twitter..

自卑感

The deeper I go, the more I realize research is not my thing.

I can leave lab in half an hours time! Yay..oh wait, part time job awaits..*sulks..

11hours of experiment today.

Flu again and I had to wear a mask to school today

It has been really long since I'm so freaking tired.. And my part time job starts at 9am tomorrow.. Sighhhh

また長い一日でした。。おやすみ

TUT Malaysian sports lasted from 9.30am to 8pm. Crazily tired. Been rrrreeeaaalllyyyy tired this month. Crazy. Insane. *faint

There's a place in this uni called Commons for common people like me to chill when I have time to kill.

Morning. It's a cold day today. Lots to complete by this week. Hope all is well.

Do you notice that as you grow older so does your patience? When it's all quiet, the surge of emotion is still there though...

It's hard to understand. It'll never be enough.

Gosh. I'm never happy and I'm most of the time busy or emotional.

I sure hope I'm happy in my daily life though and melancholic moods are restrained to my cyber world only.Ha, I wish.

*ps: I don't know why certain lines are highlighted. I just don't know how to take them off=P

~14th October 2011~

2011-10-14T09:41:00.002+09:00

I used to blog about my trips after finishing travelling.

But somehow,couldn't bring myself to do so this time.

Pure procrastination.

I guess it's because of the amount of things to do when I came back here.

Nowadays, I have to MAKE time to write, or do whatever I want.

Every event has their own time slot, even watching drama,dinner or sleep.

During classes, I have thoughts.

Thoughts that would have been good blogs if being put down into words.

But alas, when class is over, so does my ponder.

On a random note,

I finally got to buy the full set of Anne of Green Gables.

Couldn't afford it when I read it in my secondary school days.

And only read the first one back then.

Now that I have the full set, I will finish them whenever I have the time.

On another random thought,

It's Autumn now.

The weather today is very similar with the one in London.

Cloudy and cool, getting cold at night too.

It get's dark at 5.30pm now.

Making us end our day in lab earlier than usual.

And the last random thought for this blog.

I suppose we are too accustomed with the Japanese culture.

Always thinking we are too tired or restrained than we actually were.

When in fact, we are only in our mid twenties.

We have many more years to come.

So why do we always complain we are getting too old and getting tired easily?

There is so much we could do, so much we are bound to do.

I'm not letting negative and pessimistic people around me to influence me.

I will speak up this time,

Even if some people still stay the same.

~第108回触媒討論会、北見工業大学~

2011-09-21T15:24:00.002+09:00

Mine was from 10:15am to 10:30am. I presented faster than I have practiced, probably because I'm now more used to my slides. Which also meant one bad news, more time for the researchers to ask me questions. 3 of them asked me today,one of them commented while the other two asked me questions related to my presentation.

Sad to say, I'm the type that gets nervous easily especially when being asked things I'm not really sure of. Today's question was quite easy but I had a hard time trying to understand where the researcher is trying to get to. I actually knew the answer to the question asked but I was too nervous to recall what I had done. So I gave a very lame answer that I would think about what the sensei asked. I felt so dumb.

Though it was over, my body and face was still hot, heart was still pumping too quickly, and my shoulder was still tensed up, like in a battle mode. Or embarrass mode. Or more likely, in a get-ready-for-a-challenge mode. It took me about 20mins after presentation to calm down, longer than the presentation itself. 10mins of presentation went smoothly, but the 5mins of Q&A was an electric shock of what could be.

I finally took the bus at 1:35pm, after grabbing a cheap but not-so-good lunch at the university's cafeteria, take a look at my seniors poster presentation and sneaked away from my lectures. I'm gonna get "lectured" after this for not staying until 3:30pm, the actual time poster presentation is suppose to end, but I was too tired to think.

Truth is, I'm getting sick of materials science. Not good in it unless being forced to. But today I was too tired to take effort to understand other people's research, or pretend I'm interested. So I jilted, back to the hotel, had a good soak at the bathtub and wondering if I could fly home to Toyohashi. The typhoon hits Toyohashi today, making it's way up to Hokkaido. Most probably we won't be able to fly tomorrow.
Sigh, stuck at a place in the middle of nowhere...

On the plane (August 2011)

2011-08-31T00:58:00.000+09:00

On the plane back to Japan after a rush to check-in and custom clearance. Being in Japan for years made me forgot that during the festive holidays in Malaysia, even the usual smooth-sailing highways could jam up for hours. I was lucky to be able to board the flight on time...

"Nyaa,Nyaa"
The kid in front of me is starting to throw his tantrums. Minutes ago he was still playing with his parents, playing hide and seek with me. I guess the ear plugs his parents inserted into his ears didn't work. Air pressure could be pretty painful for young kids.

My nasi lemak meal has arrived. I wonder why it tasted better this time around. Maybe it's the thought that I couldn't get this any more when I arrive at my destination. Maybe, on my flight home I was already fantasizing about lovelier meals I could have, instead of the in-flight meal. Things always seemed better appreciated when the thought of "this could be the last one" occurs.

Good times have to come to an end. No more hanging out with friends at eateries with fancy interiors, no more home cooked meals with family, no more shopping with a bigger currency, no more waking up on the queen size bed at any time I want in the morning.

Time to head back to reality.
Where hundreds of work awaits.
Time to grow up again.

~Whoa~

2011-08-07T22:45:00.002+09:00

Haven't been blogging for a very very long time eh?

Oh well,life is as busy as usual..

With exams last week,I had to juggle my experiments with reports and exam study as well.

I'm not sure how the result will be.

I guess I tried my best.

I am,looking forward to head back next week though.

It's like..FINALLY!!!!!

I guess it's not just me,a lot of us here finally felt the stress after being in Japan for so many years.

Not to say the longer we are here,the more we will learn to love this country.

Let's just say, after living here for more than 5 years, it's hard to find any "passion" for this country anymore.

We start to miss home more than ever, the simple smell of Malaysia's unique delicacies, the simple taste of barley water etc..

My mind is all jumbled up at the moment, having to work for more than 9hours at the cake shop.

It is here in Japan,I know how much I could actually work and push my limits.

But it is also here that I damaged my body and learned the need of rest and the need to care for my body more.

It is here that I can do whatever I like, go wherever I want.

But it is home that I wish to head back to and have a proper sleep instead of worrying what time to wake up to meet more deadlines and plans for the day.

If I could,I wish all my friends here could head back with me,even for a week of break.

But like me,they have obligations to fulfil and thus hard to find time to go back even for a week.

I made time to go back this time, a mere two weeks, but essential for my forthcoming year.

As the end is coming near,

Truth to be told, I despise it.

Yet it's a decision need to be made for the better future.

Home is somewhere I belong I guess.

No matter how I tried to run the opposite way,

The force will always pull me back to the other way.

Accept fate with open heart.

That's what I'll do.

I guess.

~Blog~

2011-07-14T17:28:00.005+09:00

Not that I don't wanna blog.

But things hasn't changed much since I last did.

Still busy with work, reports,classes, journal translations.

With exam coming near, I have to start studying too.

Tired, as usual.

On a lighter note,

Last Friday there was this World Beverage Day by foreign students of this university.

I was asked to take part to make the advertisment poster posted all over

school.

Basically I just translate the Japanese version and added a little taste of my own to the English one.

I like the result of the final discussion and was proud to see it all over

my university.

Besides that,I was asked to be the emcee as well on that day.

Besides planning for the Malaysian booth.

I was darn nervous speaking English in front of so many people.

Somehow, all was well.

Really glad the Malaysians here were so cooperative in preparing the Ipoh White Coffee, Cream crackers,Cucur and Air Sirap Bandung.

With all the effort put in, we got the first prize for best booth.

Hehe.

This is what I call cooperation as Malaysians..

Though my heels killed my foot that day,but it was worth all the preparation and effort.

Had fun=)

~Reflect~

2011-06-26T09:43:00.002+09:00

On a Sunday morning like this,

I use to wake up to prepare myself to work at the cake shop.

Today,I had a break from work but ended up in my lab instead.

A good thing in fact,for it gave me the chance to reflect.

Truth to be said, I was lost.

At what I want to do or what I'm supposed to do.

All these hustle bustle sometimes make me forget who I really am.

What I intend to be or do.

The further I go,the more I realize this is not something I have passion for.

I don't go to the library seeking info for my research.

I don't do my experiment 4times a week.

I rather go work to earn money than use my brain.

I don't have the hunger for knowledge like others do.

All I do now is work at the cake shop,

Complete my homework.

Do research once a week.

Sounds so simple but why do I feel so tired everyday?

Somehow,

Working at the cake shop kills my time for reports.

So I do them at night.

Which resulted me having no time for leisure at night.

And I end up tired,sleeping early,but still waking up tired.

And then there's this mental stress of not doing my research enough.

The cycle goes on.

And I continue feeling tired.

I really need a vacation.

~opps~

2011-06-14T23:00:00.002+09:00

Sorry for not updating..
Been busy like..really busy.
3 reports by this week and I've been asked to do a poster thing.
Well,cuz no one else wants to do it that's why.

Still have work at the cake shop.

Classes to attend, students to teach as well.

Fell sick,mildly though..

I will survive..

I mean,

Why not take it the positive way?

By the end the week,

I will sit down and think..

I managed to get through everything.

No matter how tough it was..

All it matters was how I managed my time=)
I'm not going through all this anymore once I step into the working force.

At least now I still have moments to steal for yum-cha sessions with friends.

Or just go for a walk in the school compound,with friends.

Or say hi and catch up with some foreign students in uni while walking around uni.

Life is good.

If you think it's good=)

~14:15的星期三下午~

2011-06-01T14:31:00.001+09:00

坐在3楼的沙发上，
听着细雨的落下。
一个无人的角落，
让我得了顿时的平静。

忙着应付考试、报告、发表。。
我，不知多久没静下来听着细雨的落下，在雨天漫步，深深的吸一口气。

原来我只需要5分钟的聆听，
细雨对我说的一字一句。。
就能平静无比。。
听得见大学生们的喧哗及课室的开关门声了。
我，该收拾平静，往现实起步，
回到紧张，忙碌的生活了。

~Trust~

2011-05-23T23:13:00.003+09:00

Funny how one could trust someone else more than themselves.

Because one needs not to feel responsible when trust is betrayed?

Or because believing is also a test of trust?

So what happens if trust is just as beguiling,

Than the person who starts to trust?

Never an easy task.

But then so is every decision made.

Sometimes it's not the effort that matters,

But the fruit of all efforts.

People believe in what they saw,

Or what they don't.

One day the fork will come.

When all forks join and separate.

Another commitment and future.

Where trust takes place.

~May 8th~

2011-05-08T11:41:00.002+09:00

One week of May has passed.

The annual Golden Week holiday just passed by as well.

As of the years before,I went to Tokyo again.

Meeting new juniors who asked me advices on classes and life in Japan.

While I gladly answered them,

There's this pang of sudden awareness that..

"Wow,I've been here for 6 years already"

The 3 years in college seemed so far and so long ago.

But seeing the new juniors brings back some lost memories of my life then.

The times I was studying hard for my exams.

The times I struggled to understand my classmates.

The times I put on my music and walked along the field in my college.

Thinking about the future,which became the present.

I'm still a student after 6 years here.

A very long road to others,

But a memorable one for me.

2 more years to go before I bid my familiar student life goodbye.

Don't really look forward to working life.

But it's a path that everyone has to take,I suppose.

But until then..

I will make full use and enjoy the moments now.

And let the future,take its own path=)

~Sometimes~

2011-04-30T09:00:00.002+09:00

Sometimes,

I just wished that there's a shoulder to lean on.

An affectionate hug,

Or just simple place to seek solace to.

When I'm tired like this.

Sometimes,

I just wished things would be simpler.

That everything is crystal clear,

Without having to think so much.

When I'm tired like this.

Sometimes,

I just wished that someone would take notice.

But everyone has their own agenda.

It's sad to think I had to have my own meals at an empty house.

When I'm tired like this.

Sometimes,

When I'm tired like this,

I tend to think more about my future.

And when I do,

It sometimes saddens me.

Sometimes,

When I'm tired like this,

I just get very pessimistic.

That' all.

~The other side~

2011-04-27T22:00:00.002+09:00

In Japan,there's a word call なるほど(naruhodo) which means "I see" but with a deeper knowledge of what was being told than an act of confirmation that one is listening. It's a norm here that with everything that has happened,it has a story behind it. Well, of course things happened for a reason. But the Japanese likes to say なるほど with a sudden glint in the eyes, because usually the reason for things to happen are usually out of the ordinary.

It fascinates me to find that everyone wants a logical reason for everything that has happened. And somehow when you try hard to convince people, you brain tend to come out with logical reasons too. Maybe it's because logical reasons gain people's approval. Or maybe because logical reasons provide the opportunity for people to dig in further on the topic that was being brought up. Well, look at me, I'm coming up with reasons for myself to understand this situation better.lol.

I came to realized that people say that word because that thought never came to them in the first place. Hence, my earlier statement that the "reason for things to happen are usually out of the ordinary". So it's pretty amazing how many times one could say なるほど in a day because of the amount of people they met. I'm not getting anywhere, I know, but I guess I'm just saying,I feel fascinated with the amount of stuff people know. And when meeting people from different countries and from all walks of life, one could really learn a lot from other people's prospective.

There are pros and cons of course, but I'm trying to get to all the good points.After all,that's what I have been noticing. One being, you hear people complain about their work,their hectic schedules,their boss mistreating them. But in fact,everyone in the world is doing the same. Some chooses to keep quiet,not because they are not as busy nor their schedule is not hectic enough. But because they have the right mindset that they are lucky to have work, they have a healthy body to be able to go to work, they have the capability to work. It's just a very small lame example,but the point is,it's the right mindset that counts.

So from now on,I'm going to try to complain less. Not everything is impossible if you set your mind to it. Not to say I won't complain that I'm tired so on so forth,I am human after all. But before complaining, I'd rather be caring about others first. Take a step back before complaining to see what can I do to make other people less tired and by doing so,not only I can help others but also help myself to grow. Sometimes,we tend to dwell on small stuff, when in fact, the world doesn't revolves around ourselves only=)

~Age~

2011-04-20T23:13:00.002+09:00

So as you grow older, you learn that most of the things is not as hard as you think once you begin.

As you grow older, "acting cute" is acceptable because you are deemed "acting".

As you grow older, doesn't mean things will get simpler but actually it doesn't mean the other way too.

As you grow older, you will realize that you would want more time for yourself than being surrounded by people twenty-four-seven.

As you grow older, you would realize that you have more patience towards certain issue and person.

And undeniably, people will no longer take friendships as their first priority anymore.

Work, money, family, looking for potential partners..

Anything could take over "friendship" as the top place of priority in life easily..as you grow older.

People would start thinking "Friends forever? Such naive thoughts.."

Just a sudden thought.

I might beg to differ after a nights sleep.

Who knows?

~Just another tiring day~

2011-04-13T21:09:00.004+09:00

He tapped on my shoulder and said "Is your sister in Japan?" I said "no.." He went on telling me he saw someone who looks a lot like me in the canteen yesterday. I said "alright"..Silence after that until he went :" You know Isala from my lab last year? The Thai foreign student?" "yeah..why?" "Because of her,I started Facebook.Do you mind if I add you as me friend?" I said: "sure,but...(I'll most probably won't approve)" and I just smiled and let the conversation die there. I tried to be nice,having to told him I'm not interested at all..But he hasn't given up I guess. I couldn't do much but to just ignore..Really applaud him for his determination though. If I were to be rejected and asked to stay as friends, I would definitely back off after that and remain as friends,nothing more.

Class ended early today,so I rushed to do my SEM. Usually it doesn't take me that long to finish,but I guess the more I want to end it early,the more accidents would happen. Planned to finish at 11.30am to have lunch then go to my tutoring job,but ended up I could not remove my sample until 11.45am..With only 15minutes for lunch, I ended up skipping it and went to my tutor job from 12~ 1pm..From 1pm onwards I rushed to continue my SEM because I booked the machine til 2pm..Finished at 1.45pm,then only went to have my lunch at 2pm =(

Rushed for class at 2.30pm after that. A very boring lesson about Japanese society and culture. It could be interesting but the sensei wasn't a very interesting fella..The class was such a bore that I almost slept in that class. Class ended at 4.10pm and at 4.15pm I went to my tutoring job again for another hour. This time no students came I guess because most of them don't have classes today. Practically dragged myself back to lab and did some lab stuff while waiting for the rest of my car-pool mates..Tired like shit today..

Came home and work on more reports..Got a call from a sensei of mine in Tokyo.Asking me how am I doing,talked about the earthquakes and all..It was nice to catch up,in a way=P

After continuing my reports for half and hour..I finally thought..

What's the purpose?

People are running out of Japan now.

For what,for whom am I working so hard for anyway?

With that..I gave up on my reports for tonight. Goodnight.

~Gloom~

2011-04-04T22:37:00.005+09:00

It feels weird that even after the guys and girls came back I'm still not all hype and cheery. Sure, I laughed and had a great time chatting with them, but in the end,back at home facing my pc screen..I still feel that something is not..right or enough.

Maybe it's all the farewells that hit me. Most of the people from my batch left, those who left behind are really scarce, and those who plan to work in Japan like me, even lesser. Separation is inevitable, yet it doesn't feel any better knowing that fact. I told MC that I considered putting in less effort and emotions in friendships, for then it won't hurt as much when separation occurs. But I guess why forgo the good and best moments of my life for the sake of not hurting as much?

I've met a lot of great people since I came here. Which could be one of the reasons I don't want to just pack my things and leave after the quake. I know in the end that people might not just remember my existence or the importance of it, after all, their lives never have to revolve around me. People in the end, will live their own lives, chose their own paths and in the end,comes separations. I guess it's just to my own importance that living among them,with them is enough. These are the people I'm meant to meet, meant to listen to, meant to be with at these times. I couldn't pin-point these emotions to a person, it's just a feeling of the moment.

I had been joked at for not having a boyfriend at this age. But more than regret, I actually felt relieved that I don't have one at the moment. For without one, I could mingle among these wonderful people, having to know that life has more to offer. For without one, I could consider in giving more than accepting what was not needed. For without one, I could learn to handle emotions and workloads instead of crying for help 24/7. I'm not saying I'm against getting into a relationship, I just don't feel the hurry to be in one for the sake of doing so.

I believe in..live life of the moment.=)

~此刻~

2011-03-31T00:48:00.000+09:00

如果要说自己怎么看自己、现在的我、觉得以下再也贴切不过了：

刁蛮、情绪化、不可理喻、咄咄逼人、自以为是、虚伪

~Japan~

2011-03-28T11:30:00.002+09:00

Going back to Japan tonight.Although I had only been back for a week, I actually got to know about a lot of changes here. Changes as in not changes of the country etc, it's about changes in my friend's life that kind.I'm really taken aback by some of the changes that happened to them, however it's a struggle that at some stage of our lives we have to go through..I guess.

Meeting with some of the girls are still nice. Meeting Abby was nice also,we actually talked for 5hours. Non stop.lol. I guess it's hard to find someone whom you could talk to and understand what you are going through. So I really enjoyed talking to her cause we have been through a lot together in Japan.I regret not giving her a proper goodbye though,because somehow I felt that we would meet again.Somehow.Talking with the rest of my girlfriends here were nice too. We could talk about work,cosmetics,Japan fashion,back to Japan nuclear plant,then full-of-potholes-roads etc. It's like I never left.

Anyway, I'm not sure how are things at the nuclear plant. But I know I'll have to head back due to commitments there. I need to renew my visa, car tax, house rent, university stuff etc. Not feeling anything at the moment. But I guess, stay longer at a place, you'll somehow get emotionally attached. Time to say goodbye,Malaysia. See you again.

~Home~

2011-03-22T20:43:00.003+09:00

Day 2 being home.On my facebook status I wrote : "Thanks for all your concern my dear friends. After 3hours flight to Taipei, 2hours transit at Taipei with flight delay, 5hours flight to Singapore, spend one day in Singapore and 6hours of bus ride from Johor..I'm finally..home."

Such a long and tiring journey.I had muscle strain on my shoulders on the day I touched down in Singapore. It was such a tiring journey, for not only the flight was not comfortable,the transit at Taipei was so misleading and confusing. Lucky that day Jet was with me (met her at Kansai airport) and having to face everything with another person is so much better.

But anyway...Fast forward today.I spent time at home watching Taiwan talk shows, accompanied parents for lunch and stayed at home the whole day. Felt so useless doing nothing but I guess just by being here might actually calm my parents down. I want to do something,anything in fact,to help and take part of the ongoings in Japan, but other than reading the news online and pestering some juniors who are still in Japan,there's nothing much I could do.(kena ignored by some juniors too -.-'')

Tomorrow,I'm going to go out with some friends for lunch and tea. I can imagine our topics will revolve around Japan, my life there etc. Not in the mood for karaokes all those,so I guess lunch should be alright. Besides, no point being emo here and all. After all,I'm only back for one week..I guess I might as well enjoy my time meeting my friends.

I don't know. This feeling is so weird. I love my friends here, but I don't feel that I belonged here.Somehow. Out of place,is what I really feel. It's a very complicated feeling. And I wanted to talk to people about it. But Abby's not here. And I don't have a boyfriend whom I could talk these things to about. So I guess,I could only blog? lol.

Sad fact.

~Goodbyes~

2011-03-19T01:33:00.003+09:00

For 3 days I slept at 2am,waking up 7am.

Following the day by going to work,help bring friends around for lunch etc.

Watching the news once in a while to see the updates about earthquakes,radiation threats and the tsunami damages etc.

Today is the day I am most tired.

Having lack of sleep, I still wake up at 7.30am,and went to A's place.

Had breakfast with her before we head to uni,

Help her with her cleaning up in lab.

I was given the task to pull out all the staples of the papers and journals she read.

Gosh,I was amazed what people can do in a year.

She actually went through all the journals..

Making notes and all.

The stacks was much thicker than any text books I've seen.

I'm really impressed by how much effort she puts in in her research all this while.

Even if its only for one year.

Then we head to A's house with Isala and help clean her house.

Moved cartons and recyclable papers to my car.

Plus 3 standing fan,2 tables and a bed stand..

Drove to uni to dump the combustibles,

Then head to the International Division to give the furnitures away.

Lunch was curry soba.Weird,but alright.

Head back to uni after lunch and went to lab with A.

Helped her code her thin films,pack them into vinyl bags for her to bring back home.

That took the whole evening and by the time we are done,it was 6.30pm.

Went for a small gathering,a small farewell for Leo who is going back on Sunday.

Everyone was so sad,especially Novi and A.

Gave Leo a hug before we left for dinner at the guy's place.

Lucky dinner was done by the time we reached.

Ate dinner quickly then we head to A's place with H along this time.

Moved more stuff into my car and went to N's place.

Was really out of breath when we went up to the 5th floor.

Much more because we were carrying furnitures and luggages.

Took a break and head to Pak Markus place to give more furniture.

Then to my house to move the TV.

Went to Bachik's to hand the TV,get a snowboard etc.

By the time everything was done,it was 11.47pm.

Back to H's place and they were just beginning a movie.

I was too darn tired to watch.

Came home for a hot shower and packed to go to Singapore tomorrow.

My shoulder hurts.

Back hurts.

But to be able to help A before I leave is worth it.

I've learned a lot from her and really treasure her.

The hug I got from her..

Really made me feel so sad.

I hate goodbyes..

~Foolish~

2011-03-14T22:05:00.002+09:00

I sound so foolish.

She tried to persuade me to get out of Japan.

With her brother.

I let her advise sink into me..

So I called my mum.

But my mum was rational,even though I know she longed for me to go home as well.

She know I have graduation next week,and if I don't hand in the paperwork for my Masters entrance,I might not be able to continue my Masters and obtain my visa to continue studying in Japan.

So she asked me to stay, or go to Kyoto where it's deemed safer.

I panicked and chatted on MSN with a few friends.

Two said to leave,two said to stay.

I went to talk to Abby..

And she is staying put.

Unlike her,

I don't let God decide.

I know some things are out of our hands.

But I also believe that we have to prevent whatever disaster that has been predicted.

But then again,

We have responsibilities.

I know I sound so foolish,

Opting to stay put when my heart longed to fly back to Malaysia.

I've tried looking for tickets to fly to anywhere,

As long as it's out of Japan.

Korea,Sydney,Taiwan..

But in the end..

I let my craziness and rational sink in.

I'm staying.

We'll see what will happen on Thursday.

I'm trusting the engineers at the nuclear plant.

I'm trusting that the Thursday prediction is just a prediction remaining at 40%.

I'm trusting my instincts to stay here.

I'm trusting my foolishness for once.

~11th March 2011~

2011-03-12T20:40:00.002+09:00

It was the busiest day of the week.

I was to fetch Abby's friend from station,take him to lunch etc.

Rushed back for my presentation.

During breaks we felt the tremor.

We were still joking about it as it was pretty minor.

I called H to see if he needs company with J.

Mentioned nothing about the earthquake.

Because this is Japan after all.

Earthquakes are the norm.

So I waited for Abby,

And we went to find H and J.

Until we turned on the TV.

This was what we actually saw.

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2011/03/massive_earthquake_hits_japan.html

It was very serious on the news.

Very very serious.

It was like watching 2012 on TV.

Only,

This is no movie nor joke.

I called home to report my safety.

And cancelled my night bus to Tokyo.

Called MC to ask her to see the news.

I was shocked.

To see everything happen so quickly.

Within 15 minutes of the quake,

The tsunami hit the shores.

I called Ley but couldn't get through.

I tried another 10 times throughout the day.

Was worried sick.

Facebook came in handy at times like this.

Was glad to see people in Tokyo and all reporting their safety.

Was worried sick.

I wasn't even in the mood to go for nomikai after that.

But seniors confirmed say the gathering is still on.

Having paid 7000yen,

I went.

Though my heart wants me to stay and watch the news.

Ate through the meal,

But checking Facebook non stop.

Still no news from those in Tokyo really made me worry sick.

Mum started to worry cuz her phone was ringing non stop.

She didn't expect it to be so serious.

I SMS-ed her again and about 5 friends in Malaysia as well.

People have been worried sick.

I guess the news spread faster overseas.

Some of my friends in Japan wasn't even aware of the major disaster because they didn't turn on the news.

Spent some time in uni with Abby and J.

Went back to H's place.

Lines were bad,

SMS-es took 15minutes or more to reach.

We watched the news again.

Up til midnight.

It saddens me to see the amount of casualties going up.

But still,

We have to get some sleep.

Chat with Ley on msn til 1.30am.

Was hoping I could do something for her.

But I couldn't do anything but pray hard and accompany her until I was too tired.

I just hope the aftershocks won't be so frequent on their behalf.

It really feels surreal this morning when the few of us gathered for brunch.

The tsunami made quite some damage.

And people are getting free food and free drinks.

Even free phone calls.

Somehow,

I'm glad the quake hits Japan and not some other places.

Because only in Japan,

Everything could still be so systematic.

There was no robbing or snatching etc.

People queue up for food,for train to go home,for free phone calls.

Some could even walk home.

Women and children were given priorities in medication and services.

Blankets and even heaters were prepared at shelters.

The news were updated every minute,

And instead of covering up,

Information about the nuclear plant was explained every minute before it explodes.

Everyone is trying to help each other in times of disaster,and not themselves.

In this sense,

I really respect Japan.

No other country would have done better than them.

I just pray.

That there won't be another major quake after this.

Life,

Is precious after all.

~International Students trip to Kyoto & Shiga~

2011-03-10T19:08:00.007+09:00

Day 1

Been to Kyoto for about 6 or 7 times already but I joined all the same.

Because Lim sensei asked me to.

Because I just feel like going when I was at my internship.

Because I thought a trip is always nice.

It was nice actually.

But it could have been better if I could understand Laos.

I mean,I don't mind going without the rest of the Malaysians.

And furthermore,the Laos foreign students was a fun bunch.

But it could have been more fun if I could join in the jokes without having being translated too.

Anyway,

We took the Shinkansen to Kyoto station.

But I have to say I don't like it where most of the foreign students took the first public bus of the day from our university to Toyohashi station.

Because there was too many of us,the bus couldn't fit any other passengers after 5 stops.

Which is quite a serious matter..to me,anyway.

Because having gone to internship recently,

I realized that by missing the public bus could mean you would be late for work that day.

So I felt really sorry for those passengers who wanted to go to work by bus but couldn't do so because a bunch of foreign students are on their way to have fun.

I wrote about this issue in my report about the trip.

I'd rather we not take the Shinkansen instead the university prepare a chartered bus for us from the university to the train station.

After arriving at Kyoto Station,

We went to the Manga Museum in Kyoto,a place which I haven't been before in the numerous times I've been to Kyoto.

Then it was Nijo Castle which I've been to for 4 times.

So I just enjoyed taking pictures with other foreign students.

We went to a very cool Ninja themed restaurant for lunch.

Then Arashiyama was next,followed by Ryoan-ji Temple and the Golden Pavilion.

All of these places which I have been already so I just enjoyed the company than the view.

Besides,

These places are to be enjoyed with less people,where you admire the architecture,the nature and the zen-feel it brings.

Stayed at a pretty posh hotel called Kyoto Royal Hotel & SPA.

Stayed with a girl from China whom I was assigned to be my room mate.

Had dinner at the hotel before I head to bowling with Laos gang=P

Had a great time there,scoring not really well because of fatigue but fun all the same.

Had a really warm shower after that and head to bed.

Day 2

Up early for buffet breakfast then checked out.

Had a bit of heart-to-heart talk with Noy. (I know,so early in the morning huh?)

Then head to Kyoto's "Yuzen-Zome" dyeing and got a handkerchief each.

Spent lots of time in the bus sleeping after that before reaching Traditional Crafts Centre of Shigaraki in Shiga.

Absolutely nothing to do there,and it was so cold that it began snowing.

Lunch was pretty good. I had to say,the food throughout the entire trip was pretty good.

Last visit of the trip was to Shiga-Koga Ninjyutsu Yashiki, the ninja house!!

It was pretty cool in there and the explanation was pretty cool as well.

Like for example,

Ninjas,unlike shown in movies, don't attempt to kill their enemies.

For more details, I'd like to link to the official website here.

More long distance bus ride after that.

Was kind of sad that it ended so soon.

Dragged my tired body home and had a good time uploading photos on Facebook and reading comments etc. I really do wonder how could I survive without Facebook now..

~伊良湖~

2011-03-03T22:15:00.005+09:00

I had been anticipating this trip for 3days already.
First I saw it on Hana's Facebook album.
So I commented on it and somehow..we ended up going today.
Invited Abby and YL as well,but only Abby could make it.
So off we go.Head to Irago with my car,
An hour drive non stop.
First to our destination of the day.
The canola farm.
It was really captivating because the farm was so beautiful.
We girls spent every minute taking pictures there.

I enjoyed the weather,the farm and the company of the girls.
They are a fun bunch,really.
I'm so gonna miss them when they go back by the end of this month.

But anyway,
We stopped to take pictures of the beach and head to lunch next.
Tried the big clams Lim sensei suggested.
It was pretty good actually.

Then we actually 'fought' against the wind to head to our next destination.
The lighthouse.
The beautiful and lonely lighthouse.
The wind was actually trying to stop us from reaching the lighthouse.
But we made it.
Somehow.
I regret not taking more pictures of the lighthouse,with the lighthouse.
I guess, it's because I prefer to enjoy it with my eyes and heart better there.
I love the feel it gives me.
The feel of loneliness and hope,and a twang of sadness.

Next we head back to Toyohashi.
Stopping by at the strawberry farm to pick strawberries.
For 1350yen,it was pretty expensive.
But my,the strawberries we picked were so sweet and juicy,
That it was worth every yen we paid.
Definitely better than the super market ones.

On the way home,
Stopped by to take a quick snap at the wind mill.

Really really had fun.
Seriously,
I'm going to miss them.
T.T

Talked to Lim sensei about serious stuff after that.
And lots of events for me to join.
I'm not sure if I could.
I'm kind of tired. Kind of.
But it's kinda hard to say no. Somehow.

Dinner with Abby after that.
Thai dinner.
Enjoyed talking to her.
Another girl who inspires me a lot.
On looking at the brighter side of things.
Of modesty and the beauty of sharing.
Really glad to know her these few months.

~Last Day~

2011-02-25T22:21:00.002+09:00

And so today marks the end of my internship.
After a long 7 weeks.

Today,I skipped the morning assembly to focus on my slides.
The presentation went pretty well,
Though I was stammered a little at the beginning.
But overall I gave myself an A.=P
Then comes the Q & A part.
Which as usual caught me by surprise with the questions asked.
Because I cannot predict what others will ask.
So I took quite some time to reply.
I was particularly talking gibberish with my blank mind.
But it was over.
I think I even did slightly better than the Korean guy.
Or so I was being told.

After lunch and handing up some documents,
I could actually leave early around 1.30pm.
But in Japan they have this custom of saying a word of thanks to everyone.
Well,truth is,it's not A word.
More like...a few lines of how grateful I am,thanks for taking care of me all this time kinda stuff.
So I waited for my supervisor to make the rounds around the company.
Too bad he was caught in a meeting with the GM.
It was an open office so I could actually see the meeting.
I thought it was just a small meeting which usually ends within 15minutes.

But I was soooo wrong.
I saw the clock ticking by..and ticking by.
I waited 2hours before my supervisor was finally free.
And we made the rounds.
By then it was 4pm.
The GM was the last person I haven't said goodbye to.
And he was at another meeting.
I waited til 4.40pm,
And left without saying goodbye to the GM.
I was pissed man..
I was supposed to leave at 1.30pm,but WAITED til 4.40pm.

In the end.
On my last day of my internship.
I left promptly at 5pm.
I was so pissed that I forgot to look at every spot I used to notice of my 45days there.

Had BBQ dinner with my supervisors and team mate.
Only 4 of us though.
Had fun,cuz they are the fun ones.
I just wished I could speak better Japanese and not stay so quiet all the time.

Oh well.
I'm typing a very long blog because I cannot find people to talk to online.
I'm such a loner.
Darn it.

~Dream~

2011-02-22T20:11:00.002+09:00

I dreamed about someone yesterday.
Even after waking up I still can vividly remember the dream.
And funny how I could link my dream to everything.
Like because I saw that person's MSN keep on popping up yesterday.
And I was talking on the phone to C a few days before,so C was there as well.
And then there's the FB message from sis which made me think about my life here.
And the Korean drama I watched before I head to bed yesterday.
All the details were there in my dream yesterday.

It's kinda weird but nevertheless.
Understandable.

~8 more days~

2011-02-15T20:56:00.003+09:00

It's day 25th of my internship out of 33 days.
46 to be exact if you wanna count weekends.
Yea,I have been counting everyday.

Actually things are better at the company.
I get to do things, but recently most of the time I'm free.
Which is also a bad thing actually.
Because I don't have internet,
All I could do was..waste time.
By thinking about stuff.

LOADS of stuff.
About my chores.
About my plans for March.
About my conference IN March.
About my sister's latest gossip.
About how people my age are getting worried being single.
Thought it doesn't bothers me at all.
I'm serious.
I'm getting all Zen-like recently.
Commitments are too tiring.
Besides,not that there are potentials around me anyway.
Most of them are either hooked up or still holding the torch for other people.

This internship is killing my body.
I have shoulder pains.
Back pains.
And I seriously feel that I have aged 30years or more.
No kidding.
I soooo wish this internship will end soon.
For the sake of my body.

But then again,
Research in uni awaits again.
Life.
Is.
Tiring.

End of complain.
Goodnight.

~Happy Chinese New Year~

2011-02-05T23:44:00.004+09:00

Happy Chinese New Year everyone.
Just dropping by to say that.

This year,the call home lasted only 3 minutes.
Even my family are not gathering at AT anymore.
Work,work,work.
Were the excuses they came out with.
No more the sounds of laughter or firecrackers this year.
She sounded really tired.
I wish she would take it easy.

I wish I could too.
But this internship does not allow it.
So balancing both work and rest at the moment,
Tougher than I thought.
They organized a CNY eve dinner and birthday party for February born people.
And that was the message I got for my cake.
Funny,yet surprisingly hard to achieve.

Already got 4 gifts one week before my birthday.
Really happy to receive them.
My wish?
A more relaxed life.

Not hard to achieve huh?
Yeah right.

~Learn~

2011-01-27T20:15:00.003+09:00

The amount of work at the company.
Made me crave for the warmth of family.
The comfort and reminder that I was well protected.

But it is now I realized what I could do.
As an adult, an individual capable of being alone.
In a foreign land,in a foreign company.
In a unfamiliar environment,
This is where I grow and learn.
Which I realize I should continue to seek.

It's never easy.
But it was never easy for anybody.
Even for any parent.
So I will wait.
Till the day I tell my story to my children.
Of the achievements,no matter how small or insignificant.
Of my travels, of the funny strangers who put a smile on my face.

But for now.
I'm going to listen and learn.
Just listen and learn.

~Internship on 25th January~

2011-01-25T20:24:00.002+09:00

Presented to my team leader a.k.a boss regarding my experiment for the next 4weeks.
At first,it seems alright.
This time,lesser vocabulary mistake.
Then comes the hit.

"So,explain to me again what you are doing this experiment again?" for 3 times.
"Is experiment 1 even necessary?"
"Are we going to spend so much money just to see the possibility?"
"The contents of your slide is too little"
"If given to another person,he'll never be able to reproduce the same experiment no?"
"You need to prepare a table,write what you are going to do every hour,on the day of experiment"

The list could go on.

Some were my fault.
Some were my supervisor's.
Because we thought all we had to do was report our experiment schedule.
But boss wanted us to explain the mechanism as well.
We didn't print that out.
And I wanted to make flow chart,
But supervisor said put it in words.
So I did that,and boss said there's too much words on the slides.

Oh well.
I think my supervisor won't feel good today.
Tired,perhaps.
It's all my fault actually.
Because he had to guide me,
He had to stay back to do overtime for his own work for these past few days.
Because he knows more about the product,
He has to take blame when boss ask why I don't think of the cost.

1296000yen.
That's how much money was needed just to analyze my product.
Just to get results for my stupid presentation at the end of this internship.
I don't even want to present,but I have to.
Goodness,if only I'm given that kind of money.

Felt sorry for my supervisor,
Who was really a big sport.
Pretty decent senior from my university.
But,
I guess in Japan they say: "It's his responsibility,he's getting paid"
Sometimes,
I hate the Japan way.

~难得~

2011-01-23T16:36:00.002+09:00

难得的周末，
就得好好的利用。
难得的实习机会，
就得好好的学习。
难得的机缘，
就得好好地珍惜。

真的有那么多的“难得”吗？
为什么要用到“难得”
才懂得珍惜？
才要好好的把握？

因为“难以得手”？

那，
平日的经验，
平日的机会，
平日的友人，
平日的时间。

就可以草率的带过？
就一文不值？

不解。

~Internship day 8~

2011-01-20T21:17:00.002+09:00

Today I did nothing for 4 hours before lunch.
Well not exactly nothing,
But my supervisor was busy.
So all I did was read notes.
For 4 hours.
Was so darn sleepy.

After lunch,
Finally had some work to do.
But only for one and half hour.
Then my supervisor was busy again.
At least now I got a bit of work to do.

Man..
I'd rather be busy than do nothing
And watch the clock ticking ever so slowly.
Gosh,I think I'm the only one who felt like taking a nap there.
Hopefully they'll be more things to do tomorrow.

Weee...
It's Friday tomorrow!

~Internship day 7~

2011-01-19T20:51:00.003+09:00

Attended the weekly meeting which ended at 9.15am.
9.15am~10.40am I was free.
Because my supervisor was off somewhere.
To take care of some sudden accidents.
Man,I was boredddd..

Then supervisor and manager came to talk about about my new experiments.
All the way til lunch time.
There was this awkward moment.
When my supervisor went off for the 'accident' meeting again.
I had nothing to talk to my manager about.
Also,he was not those who ask me how long I-came-to-Japan-already kinda person.
So then he starts talking about the project.
How many years he spent on it,how he managed to improvised til this extent.
He reminds me of someone I know.
The way he speaks,soft spoken but full of ideas and dedication to his work.

But that aside..
Had meeting with another department.
The team leader there is pretty nice.
And though I tried explained my ideas with broken Japanese,
He listened patiently and didn't push me to go any faster.
And man,
I really salute these people.
The way their brain works,
So fast!!!!
They can think of problems and solutions ever so quickly.
Even if it's a first time experiment.
GOSH..

There's so much to learn.
So little time.
Yet,
It's damn contradicting.
I'm getting the hang of it.
Yet I want to end it sooner.
Truth to be said,
Without FB or internet at work.
I learn to concentrate more.
And believe it or not.
My Japanese actually improves.

Just a thought.

~Internship day 6~

2011-01-19T20:46:00.002+09:00

My first presentation.
Had to present to my team leader about what I planned to do within my 7 weeks there.
Only to be asked to stop in the middle,
The errors being pointed.
And asked my supervisor to plan a better experiment for me.
And also teach me from scratch.

In short.
REDO everything.

That was the highlight of internship day 6.

Errr..if you include me declining dinner invitation as a surprise as well=P
I just..Wanted to be alone,do my laundry and do lab work.
That's all.
Nerd.=P

~Internship day 5~

2011-01-17T21:49:00.005+09:00

I skipped day 4 because..it was a Friday.
I'm lazy to explain.

Today,according to my sensei..
Was a day which didn't happen for 10years already.
The whole,well,almost whole of Japan was covered in thick snow.

I was astonished when I stepped out of my house.
And I took a picture which I uploaded to FB at 7am in the morning.
I was even more astonished to see a line at the bus stop.
Yes,a line of about 15people waiting for the bus.
Usually,there's only about 3 people.
I wondered what happened.

The thing about Japan transportation.
They announce everything.
So that everyone would be well informed.
So yea,I was 'well informed' that this was not the 7.03am bus I planned to take.
It was the one before it,the 6.48am bus.
And it was packed!

Due to the snow,
Traffic was slow.
Everyone had to slow down in order not to slip.
That include cars,buses,motorcycles.
By the next 3 stops,
Our bus was so full that it has to stop at the next bus stop,
Announce to the people queuing there to tell them to wait for the next bus.
By the time 3 stops away from the train station,
I was 40minutes late.

And like all others,
I opt to get down and walk.
Because it was jam ALL the way.
Called my company to say I'll be late.
And was told "It's alright.I think everyone will be late today"

Took my time walking to the train station.
Only to find that the train was late as well.
So yea,usually my train is at 7.26am.
Today I got on the train at 8.20am.
Somehow,
I managed to reach the company at 9am.
Only 30minutes later than the supposedly office hour.

And I was not the latest.
You see,even more were stuck in the jam.
Because everyone went slow.
Some office girls were saying,
They start off at 7.30am.
And was caught in the jam from 2 to 3 hours.
It's worse than taking the public transport.
At 11am,some only started to turn up.

What a day.
Oh well,
Internship was..more work I guess.
Tomorrow onwards 3 meetings.
All of which I have to present.
Starting with tomorrow, I have to present my ideas to my boss.
Get his approval and go on with the next meeting.
To get people create my ideas.
And on to another meeting to get people to analyze my work.
So that I get results and data for my presentation.

I have a very strict supervisor.
I guess..it's better than him not teaching me huh?
It's a good training for me.
That's how I brain-wash myself.
Yea..I'm ok...
I guess.

~Hard~

2011-01-16T20:28:00.003+09:00

I'm acting like a child,I know.
It could be the alcohol I just drank.
I don't know.
I just don't want to go internship tomorrow.

The fear of not being able to produce ideas.
The fear of not performing well.
The fear of tomorrow's presentation.
The fear of the unknown.

I know they won't think that much of me.
I am,a nobody,to them after all.
Just a university student there for 2months.
But still I don't know why...I care.
I had the craziest longing that..
If only I can leave some accomplishment behind.
Even if I'm there only for 2 months.

I don't want them thinking I'm just there for the credit hours.
Or just a brainless girl trying to kill time everyday at the office.
But the sad truth is..
I'm hopeless!!
I know nothing about batteries.
I had to study about them when I'm there.
With the limited time I have,before they stash me with more information and work.
Every work given to me is actually related to the assigned theme they gave me.
There's so much to learn,yet my brain is not working fast enough.
I'm not even living up to my own expectations.
What more theirs?

Tomorrow will be week 1 of 6.
Hopefully I won't have insomnia tonight.
Wish me luck=(

~Internship day 3~

2011-01-13T21:02:00.003+09:00

Side note : I'm gonna salute you if can follow my blog for 33 consecutive days throughout my entire internship=P

Woke up at 6am again today.
Really need to thank my iphone alarm.
Alarms are just..amazing tools.
Can wake me up from the deepest slumber.

Anyway,
I got on the bus on time.
BUT the driver drove so crazily slow.
Arrived the train station at 7.25am,
I had to dash for my 7.26am train weh!!!!
Missed it.
AND got into the wrong train as well.
!"#(!#%'("$#%("$#!!!!!!

Somehow.
I managed to make it on time to my office.
Boots,red-faced and all.
Yea.

Then yea.
Attended briefings,meeting and was asked to plan my schedule for this 6-weeks-training,within 30 minutes.
It's cool,it's cool.
Then asked to make my own form for the experiments I'm going to conduct.
Like.
Work under pressure.
But yea.
I did it.
I don't have a choice.

Then tour around the factory again.
This time I have a clear image what my suggestions were.
I mean,it's no longer only about theories and papers.
I see how they manufacture the batteries.
I see the problems and solutions.
If only I can keep up.
I do wish I have a better brain at times like these.

So yea.
Came home exhausted again.
Brain fried again.
Only to miss the bus.
This is just nottttt my day.
Darn it.

~Internship day 2~

2011-01-12T21:35:00.002+09:00

Korean guy speaks more than me.
Was actually quite surprised.
Talked all the way til we reach the company.
Oh by the way.
I'm doing my internship at Panasonic Storage Battery Ltd. Co.

Attended weekly Wednesday meeting.
Even one malfunctioned product of the millions around the world is being reported and discussed.
I just said 'Yoroshiku onegaishimasu' when being introduced.
Read about lead batteries.
Being taught what a company is.
What customer service is
What 'community contribution' is.
Still darn nervous.

Was asked to study for small test which didn't happen.
Was asked to sit with a senior from uni with his friend.
Invited Korean guy together so that there's 4 of us.
The Japanese guys are of same age,Korean guy one year younger.

After lunch,
Did data input.
Supervisor actually explained what the data means.
And the importance of it in making the batteries.
Everything counts.
Errors,loss,length,width.
Everything.
Brushed up my Excel skills.

Notes/surprises:
1. Too many rules!!
2. Must take rest after working for more than 2 hours.(Was actually forced to rest!!)
3. No walking with hands in pockets for safety reason.
4. No driving to avoid accident.
5. Must change into uniform everyday,change again during lunch to avoid carrying lead from the factory.
6. Every morning there's a meeting.
7. Everyday I have to write a report about what I learned and my observations/thoughts.
8. In a company,if there's a problem, think of a solution asap.In university, thinking about the solutions slowly are required, it's training for the brain.
9.The department I'm working at is actually the brain of the company.No skills and ideas,no production.No production,no goods.No goods,no profit. No profit= no company.
10. Time really pass by REAL slow here.Maybe it's because there's no windows.Everything is slow,people walk fast,talk fast,do things fast.But time just...drags on..

Clock out punctually at 5pm.
Going to bed now.
10pm.
What a robotic life I'm leading.
GOSHHHHH!!!!!

~厌倦~

2011-01-11T21:42:00.004+09:00

我没想到我那么厌倦工作。。
这只是第一天而已，
也只不过是实习而已。
我只是到我的部门报道30分钟，
就已经感觉到他们对我的期许及压力。。

我不是他们指定的松田研究室的人。。
我没有松田研究室的学生的那份对研究的热情。
也没有他们那优秀的脑袋。
我只是误打误撞进了这间公司。。

什么每天写报告。。
每天写感想。。
每天早上说出自己对公司的期许。。
可以的话，我好想说：“我不干了！”
可是我没有选折。。
我只能硬着头皮倒数着接下来的32天。

好累。
对自己严苛的我觉得厌倦。
对我的不吐不快觉得厌倦。
因为得连累他人。
对自己的不够好。
好厌倦。

~Happy New Year~

2011-01-05T00:02:00.006+09:00

One crazy moment.
I drove to Tokyo.
Yea,out of the blue.
I made it weh..
Was so damn..touched when I realize I was in Tokyo.
Driving.
Crazy.

Anyway,
Celebrated Xmas at Tokyo.
Clement was a great cook,Jo Anne was a great helper.
I had my first turkey for Xmas.
Had a lousy toy sword for gift exchange.
But got a Korean chocolate after though=PWalked around Odaiba on the 28th.
Saw how TV programs,talk shows especially worked.Walked around a very cool mall with classical interiors.
I like.
On the 29th of 2010.
Faced my trauma after 4 years of running away from ski.
It was bad,up til the end.
With every fall I made,I felt the slight pain from my left palm.
And the fear crept up along with it.
But I overcome it,somehow.
Managed to snowboard too.
All thanks to Ley especially.
And all the kohais.
But yea,I won't do it again.
It's just not my kind of sports.
That's all.

Count down at Clement's place again.
Welcomed 2011 with a bunch of friends.
At home.
Cozy,with food and drinks.
Just the way I like it.
No,I don't prefer clubbing.
This was the way I want my New year countdown to be.
So it was just,perfect=)

Nabe and okonomiyaki on 01012011.
Then shopping.
Managed to get one bag of clothes from Urban Research.
Not bad at all.

Came back on the 2nd,
Went to Nabana no sato for illuminations.
Romantic..til the max.
Only too cold.
But it was worth it.
Love the pics I took.
Though I'm no professional.
It was good enough.
Perfect with imperfectness.
No new year's resolutions I guess.
Have a great year ahead everyone=)

~600~

2010-12-17T17:41:00.002+09:00

My 600th post.
Wow.
I didn't know I can crap so much.
All these years.
Of complaints,
Of joy,
Of venting.
Wow..

Currently in lab,
Practised my presentation for the god-knows-how-many times.
Not perfect at all.
Can't even be bothered.
I just feel sleepy.
Tomorrow have to practise in lab again.
Ah well,at least there'll be badminton after.

I need a vacation,
Just go some place for winter.
I was hoping for Europe.
But yea,I don't have the cash to do so.
So I'll try Tokyo and erm...snowboard.
Yea,after 3 years of avoiding ski and snowboard.
I'm trying it again.
Let's just hope I'll have muscle aches and butt pains.
And limit to that.
No more broken finger.
One time trauma is enough.

Just a sudden thought.
Amazing group of friends I have here.
In times that I go through my busy schedule,
I still have those who would buy me a drink for tea breaks.
Those who stayed with me til late.
Have those to have dinner with every evening.
Have those whom I can call to chat for 30mins.
Play badminton with.
Not a bad life at all.

I'm lucky.=)

~Abruptness~

2010-12-08T22:10:00.002+09:00

Rubber bands will break somehow if pull til its limit.
Things will rot somehow with the beat of wind and rain.
People will grow old somehow with the passing of time.
These..are the facts that could not be denied nor stopped.

Pasts could not be changed.
Stories,gossips and myths will always remain as history.
Reminiscence is the only reminder the mind has.
To review of what could be avoided.
To grow with patience for what to come.

To stop time,is by stopping oneself from the flow.
Even if it is just for an hour,one minute,one second.
By just immersing oneself for the time that is.
Amazing what the brain could do or create.
Emotions that might surged at the spur of the moment.
Tiredness that might hit out of the blue.

Quietness..
That even one was taken aback.

~Fast~

2010-12-03T22:08:00.004+09:00

It's already December.
My dear SS and YY's birthday has just passed.
Soon it'll be MC's.
They are the few precious of my life.
There are moments that we shared.
Bond that we made that's quite indescribable.
Less contact due to commitments.
But nevertheless talked like yesterday when we do.

Joke as people may.
And usually I wouldn't care much.
Act like I do for drama and fun.
But yea, the mid-twenties is coming for me soon.
I don't mind when people joke about it.
For it's a fact that couldn't be turn back.
Though the night is always merciless when it comes to deep thoughts.Procrastination?Relaxation?Leisure?
They are just labels for time-outs I give myself.
They could be a bit of all three.
I do it all the time at night.
When I try my best to achieve more in the day.
A silly discipline which doesn't shows any benefit for me,myself and I.
At the end of the day,
It's just a silly routine of making myself tired.
And I still come back empty-brained.

The world is everyone's stage.
Petty matters of game scores,
Of what to have for dinner,
Of getting better results.
So insignificant?Or somewhat related?
To how the world works.

Another 2 years.
Of research.
What about my private life?

~Poor thing~

2010-11-29T17:48:00.003+09:00

I suddenly took notice of you today.
Noticed how skinny you have became.
Noticed how the injury still effects you.
Noticed that your skin is getting scaly and dry.
Is it the weather?
Is it the amount of work you have done?

You used to look so radiant.
So elegantly beautiful and soft.
Now,except that you have become fairer,
You looked so tired.
So worn out.
So..unhealthy.

What has become of you?
You poor thing..
.
.
.
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.
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ps:If you are interested in knowing what or who the heck I'm writing about.Do msn me or something,or leave a comment.=P

~Autumn~

2010-11-21T19:33:00.003+09:00

To begin with,words that occured to mind recently..
Gratitude,listening,invisibility..To begin abruptly..
I prefer to be the listener.
As their stories are more interesting,
Full of humor,catching bits.
The art of talking,is still not within my grasps.
After so many years..

A trip to view autumn leaves,
A trip I much anticipated..
Turns out to be a trip I ponder most.
The right combination of people.
The wrong impression on people.
The single life I'm leading thus far...etc.

When all comes to an end.
What,was left behind to reminisce?
Why future,when present is better?
Who are we to say?
Where,do we head from here?
How,could we foresee?

And who...really cares?

~Bad~

2010-11-15T15:02:00.004+09:00

I'm sleepy today.
Sleepy because I was up late for 2 nights.
Well,it wasn't because of research,
It was because of the Nov guy's birthday gathering
And also yesterday's 4 guys 1 girl poker night.
So it was alright.
It was worth staying up late.

But today.
It has taken a toll on me,
Not only I was sleepy.
I broke a glass during experiment.
And was asked to do another experiment out of the blue.
On the same day,yea...today.

Then comes a call during lunch.
I was told I'm not going to Tokyo for my internship after all.
Because my uni made a mistake.
The main company is at Tokyo.
But the internship place is at Kuwana,Mie.
A place near my college.
Instead of listing it out the place as Mie,they listed Tokyo.

So yea..
I'll be here.
Not going anywhere out of cyubu..
I have to replan my winter.
Trying to look things at a different point of view.
Well,I will be here with my Toyohashi 'family'
Celebrating birthday and CNY with them.
That isn't that bad I guess.
I don't have to move my stuff as well.
Oh well..

Oh oh oh..
Another pressure just came in.
Like 1 minute ago.
I have to think of my presentation title within one week.
Better if,like..can hand up tomorrow.
What a crazy life I have.

And they still want me to plan for this Saturday trip?
No way.
I didn't even get a word of thanks for last Saturday's one.
I do mind you see.
I'm that a hypocrite.
Sorry to say.

~Complain~

2010-11-11T10:37:00.002+09:00

I complain.
A lot actually.
Which is why I'm surprise people can stand me.
Especially the few that I disturb quite frequently.
Their level of tolerance are superb.
Respect them for that.

It's the way I function.
Which makes me wonder how others function.
You know,when you have disatisfaction.
What do you do if you don't complain?
Doesn't it makes you sick?
I mean,the negative energy have to go somewhere,right?

It's selfish of me to complain to these people.
Because they don't have the duty to listen to me.
And yet they listen.
And they bear with me.
I guess this is how well-brought these people are.
Their EQ are higher I guess.
Better tolerance.

I always say I need to stop complaining so much.
But I realised it's who I am.
I have no other way of letting the negative energy out.
But I take it a point to ask others about their day as well.
A good way to stop myself for dwelling everything about me.
The world doesn't spin around me.
Everyone has their bad day and better times.

Thanks to all who beared with me this far.
Thanks to all who could and would bear with me further.
Thank you.

~Sky~

2010-11-07T23:34:00.005+09:00

Hello...
A friend commented in his post,saying I don't do art,but I have an eye for good scenery pics.
I love the compliment.

Because...it's something I did without doing it on purpose.
It's like,getting compliment for something nice I didn't know I have or own.
I like to take scenery pics because it soothes me.
It makes me feel lonely,calm,at peace.
Putting up some for memories sake=P

~Friday~

2010-11-05T09:11:00.002+09:00

The weather is so fine today.
Cold but there is sunshine.
So much like someone in desperation,then a ray of hope shines in.
So much like my mood right now.
Amidst a crazy schedule and heavy pressure,a sense of calmness takes over.

Did what I had to do.
Still doing what I could.
I could not stop time.
Sunday will still come.
I could stop myself from panicking though.
That is what I should do.
And trying to do.

I think I might miss the pressure.
Well,just a little though.
Because a new one will set in soon after.
Maybe I really should consider going somewhere for my winter hols.
You know,just to release all the stress..
Just a thought though,just a thought..

~Noon~

2010-11-03T12:50:00.010+09:00

笑。。

看着白色的荧幕

看着写了又删的文字

再看着毫无一人，凌乱的研究室。。

一杯冷咖啡，奶茶味面包。。

渡过淡淡的，冷冷的下午。。

下午是淡的，冷的。。

思绪，却是矛盾的，复杂的。。

无能？无奈？无聊？

她，在笑了。。

~Ha!~

2010-11-01T13:14:00.006+09:00

It's really a saddening thought actually.
I have nothing to look forward to at the moment.
All the happiness and optimism I got from Eat.Pray.Love
All the "Hey,you are doing alright" self-talk
Seems like some funny joke to me.

A joke that could only make me laugh sarcastically.

This is the time where I am most grumpy.
Grumpy at the weather,ever changing like my mood-swings.
Grumpy at the internship forms,which requires me to go take photos with suits.
Grumpy at the slide shows I presented to my sensei,only to be asked to re-do everything.
Grumpy at my non-existence, whereby girlfriends now only talk to their boyfriends.
Grumpy at my non-existence again, whereby no one will miss my presence in school.
Grumpy at my aching body, because I hadn't been working out enough.
Grumpy at my character, for forcing and pushing myself too hard.
Grumpy at my character again, for being such a stupid perfectionist.
Grumpy at my character again and again, for being such an attention-seeker.

Yea,that's what I am.

A self-pity,attention-seeker..

Ha! I'm such a freaking loser...

~One of those days~

2010-10-27T18:16:00.005+09:00

My horoscope for today..

You may begin the day feeling carefree, but end up being disappointed in the reality. The Moon moves through Cancer and your sixth house of health and service to others, placing emphasis on chores, responsibilities, and habits. Spend the evening hours relieving stress by going for a long walk or enjoying a warm bath. Avoid eating fatty, greasy foods this evening to ensure a good night's sleep.

I tell you,this horoscope is too true that it scares me sometimes.I swear that I have not read this until like...6.18pm of today=P So yea,I woke up at 6am today, so carefree because I know what I have to do, I don't have to rush for anything or anyone and take my pace in doing my experiments.

But yea end up being disappointed because I was told I had to pay for the conference I'm going to present in March. That was kind of expected because I'm paying for the coming November conference as well. But to be told that I have to be a member of the association, and have to pay for a whopping 6000yen (RM228) for that membership I don't wish to get..Really "made my day"..That's like losing RM400 in total to attend conferences in which I HAD TO PRESENT.
Simply said, pay to do work. No,not getting paid,but paying to present my research. WTFH!!!

As for the placing emphasis on chores, responsibilities, and habits part.Surprise surprise. I came home early because I was so damn f$#"king stressed up about everything, and went to pay my rent, drag out my winter clothings and yea, out of habit,went for a little grocery shopping to cook myself a more decent dinner than eating out.

Well,it's too cold to go for long walks to release stress but I'll sure enjoy a warm bath.I guess when I read this horoscope,it was a bit too late. Cuz I already had greasy fried rice for dinner.

Gosh..
I guess I won't sleep well tonight then=(

~Random~

2010-10-24T20:57:00.003+09:00

I wish I could speak Korean.
I just like the way it sounds..
The expression they make with the words they say..
한국어 배우고 싶습니다.
쓸쓸합니다.
자신의 성격이 싫습니다.

Ever notice that when you put you itunes music in shuffle mode,
You tend to get the most suitable song to your mood of the moment?
Well,maybe 1 song out of 5..
But still..
That one song might make you stop your tracks
And make you think over about your why you are having that mood at that time..
Especially emo times..

7 days a week.
No matter how tired the other 6 days tend to be.
Just by spending the last one day at home.
Sleep in,watch some lame movie..
Even working at home..
Is such a bliss..

I'm so looking forward to my winter holidays.
Though I have nothing to do.
No plans whatsoever..
I'm just leaving it blank for things to happen..
Without planning..
For once=)

~Scholarships~

2010-10-19T14:34:00.002+09:00

Didn't know scholarship applications can be so damn stressful...
Not only we have to print out our results etc..
We need to write essays,get recommendation letters..
And oh,non stop filling forms..

Wait..
The worst one?
Is that the closing date is in less than a week.

And I have a presentation in less than 2 weeks..
I still have classes and loads of preparation to do for my conference presentation.
Could someone just sponsor me without needing me to fill in forms?????
Or write essays...T.T

~Remember~

2010-10-13T22:18:00.004+09:00

I had been having flashbacks..
Of things I used to do when I was younger.
I wonder why I suddenly remember the slope behind my backyard,
Or that my house used to be at half-hill?
Before I moved to my current apartment..

I suddenly remembered how addicted I was towards ICQ.
Waking up in the middle of the night to use the PC.
In order to use more than my siblings..
The fun of chatting with friends in school.
Seniors were fun too..

How times have changed.
MSN was way much faster and trendier.
Yet staring at the 100+ name list,
How many do we actually bother to keep in touch with anyway?It is times when you don't feel like talking,
And suddenly you get a warm-hearted MSN message pop up.
Old friends just have that kind of sensors..
They just have the perfect timing looking for you to chat.
And who said guys can't be the perfect girl's buddy?

I suddenly reminisced..
That we had been friends for years now..
He shares with me his problem after I tell him mine.
Though his advice were things I already know.
He said it anyhow..
I'm happy that even after having a gf,
He didn't shrugged me off like some nobody.

I also suddenly realised that I still love reading after all.
I remembered the series of Enid Blyton,
Tonnes of Sweet Valley Twins,Sweet Valley High etc
And boxes of horror story books I used to own..
I miss them all of a sudden.
I miss exchanging them with my classmates..

An oh,Vivian if you are reading this..
I miss writing letters to you.
With the glu-covered-stamp we used to cheat postal fees:p
I miss roller blading at the slope..
I miss playing badminton outside our garden.
I miss listening to the radio at night,learning new songs and hearing about people's confession..

Ah..
The good old days..
Where art thou?

~9/10/10~

2010-10-09T15:42:00.004+09:00

My horoscope for today is..

Yesterday's influences begin to abate, helping you to regain control. Keep calm, and slowly work out any problems that were revealed by those tensions. You can accomplish a lot today if you focus on the work at hand. Your supervisors will be impressed at how well you can work under pressure. Don't forget to make time for yourself this evening.

It's really amazing how true my horoscopes was stated today.You see,I suddenly got an email yesterday night,a friend telling me my lecturer wants me to sum up my research in power point and show him on Tuesday.I was so freaking stressed out yesterday because it was already 10pm when I got the email which means I have only..about 3 days to sum up my 9 months of research.

Knowing that I don't have a choice,I started to work on it feverishly today.Hoping that I could accomplish something before attending the potluck party we are having tonight..I was having a rest when I went to see my horoscope for today..Imagine my amazement as to how precise it was and how close it is relating to my life now..

Sometimes,if you notice closely..
The message and omens are there..
The peace and calmness it brings is amazing sometimes..
It being,the feeling that someone is there for you,
Watching after you,care about you..
Somehow today..
I 'found' and 'felt' ..
The presence of peace.

~7/10/10~

2010-10-07T10:59:00.003+09:00

My horoscope for today from The Star..

If you don't have to work today,find a way to release the stress of the past few weeks. A road trip might be just the thing; a small town an hour or two away may hold all the adventure you need. Take a friend along for the ride and enjoy being spontaneous. You need to find little ways to keep losing your mind this month, and a spur of the moment adventure should be just about right.

Lol..Anyone up for a spontaneous trip?

*note from 8/10/10: I actually did something spontaneously with a friend and enjoyed it =P
I think I'm actually a nutcase who let my horoscope tell me what to do..lol

~集中講義~

2010-10-06T21:45:00.003+09:00

Today's 集中講義(crash course) took 5hours..
And while I was paying notice in and out of the lesson..
I was thinking about other stuff for...at least 4hours..lol

4hours of pure thinking really helped me relaxed..
I have been too stressed out lately.
I guess because things have been crashing down out of the blue.
Really made me panicked..

But within that 5hours of lessons(yes,yes,I know I was suppose to concentrate in class)
I started analyzing slowly.
The jumbled up thoughts were put into line,one by one..
The stress was lighten,a little by little.
I say lighten,because the stress is still there,though not as serious as giving me headache anymore
(yes,I actually have muscle strain at my neck when I'm stressed which later turns into a major headache)

I start to think about happier times.
Like the recent spontaneous trip to Taiwan.
*Poked..The tummy I gained during the food excursion is getting smaller
*Rub..The sun-burned skin is finally peeling..
*Press..The crescent-looking bruised I gained during the baseball batting is gone,but still hurts when pressed..

And I thought about my Christmas.
1st one is the one with the broken finger..
2nd one is the one I spent in Cardiff..
3rd one is the one with fun-loving juniors in Korea.
4th one is the one I spent at the cake shop,lonely, when other people enjoys the cake with their love ones..

This year I was wondering..
Where should I celebrate my Christmas,no,actually count down the new year with?
With whom will I be counting down with?
What will I be doing then?

I look forward to it,yet..
There is always another side of the coin..
I might end up alone again here..
We'll see..

So many thoughts within that 5hours..
I seriously need more time for myself to work things out..

~Quote~

2010-10-04T20:46:00.001+09:00

~Never forget that once upon a time,in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend~
by Elizabeth Glibert from Eat.Pray.Love

~Nothingness~

2010-10-01T15:08:00.001+09:00

No longings
No desires
No ambition
No dreams
No fulfillment
No aim
No goal
No cravings
No requirements..

Nothing.

~Rest & Relax~

2010-09-29T17:28:00.002+09:00

It was about 2pm..
I got sick of my research.
Having doing it since 9am,
And with the machine not working.
And with the lack of sleep.
I just got fed up.

So after doing what I had to do for the day.
I took my bag and walked.
Took a really slow walk to my car,
Drove home,did my laundry,send postcards.
I came home.
To gave myself a rest.

I need to stop 'moving'.
No research,no house chores.
No ticking my things-to-do list.
I took a nap and started reading.
Eat,Pray,Love.

I wonder if its a sign.
Cuz I feel connected with the author.
Somehow..

So yea,
Today is the day I relax at home.
Cook myself a warm homey dinner..
And not doing anything but what I want to do.

Peace=)

~Taiwan Round 2~

2010-09-26T18:29:00.005+09:00

Yes,I went to Taiwan again..
Usually,I don't go visiting the same place with the same person..
But Ley is a fun girl to hang out with,and now with CY,TY and Chan in the gang,
It was just the perfect group to go revisiting Taiwan with.
There's no particular reasons for the revisiting.
But if you really want me to give you some..
I could say..
1.I need a break from my research
2.Taiwan is near to Japan and an affordable destination.
3.The food there is worth going for the 2nd time =P

So we went to Taipei.
Went up to the Taipei 101 for the splendid night view.
Went to Lin Jiang night market,Shi Lin Night market.
Went to 中正纪念堂,市政府 etc.

Out of Taipei,we went to Jiufen next.
For its famous Yam balls.
And it's old street and scenic views.Then off to Hualian.
For its' marble caves,for its' rivers,for its' sea.
People in Hualian are really nice.
Very warm and genuine.
Very eager to show us the best place to snap pictures,
Ever willing to help us tourist..I like x100

*Mental note:I can't believe we actually played basketball-shooting for 3 nights in a row=P
The weather was superb there as well.
Bright and sunny,perfect weather for sight-seeing and photo snapping..
But the sun-burn really hurts..T.T
I can't believe I have a swollen roasted-red bump on my neck because of the weather..sigh..
Back to Taipei after 3 fantastic days in Hualian..
Met up with TY's friends who brought us to Danshui.
Besides for the great food,we managed to catch the sun setting..
It was soooooo romantic and emotional at the same time.
Watching it sinking slowly,makes me feel calm and sad at the same time..
Sad to think that it's the perfect ending to my last evening at Taiwan..

Managed to catch a movie,Wall Street before heading back.
Saw an artist, Chai Guay Jie before the movie..
I know she is just another normal artist,a normal human..
But I got excited all the same=P
.
.
.
.
.
.
So yea..
I got back from Taiwan like 4hours ago.
I can't help feeling emo.
Although this Taiwan trip was packed and I had very little sleep,
But the laughter I managed to get,
The feeling of togetherness with the other 4;
The joy of trying new food with them 4;
The jeering,teasing and jokes shared among us.
Is worth every minute of it.
.
.
.
I miss being there with them already T.T

~24~

2010-09-24T08:17:00.002+09:00

Today is 24th of September..
2 days after the Mid-Autumn festival,
2 days before I head back to Japan..
Times flies...
No,scratch that,time flies when you are having a good time..

Things we noticed..
Taiwan people BBQ during the Mid-Autumn festival..
As in,it's their norm to BBQ and admire the moon on this day..
When the rubbish truck comes,each shop along the street will have someone throwing their gathered trash into the truck
Instead of the garbage collector doing the collecting..
And they don't usually sell drinks with their food in a restaurant..
We are guessing it could be because there are so much drinks-selling stalls outside..

Going to end abruptly here..
Cuz it's time for my favorite meal of the day..
Breakfast!!!!^.^

~Taiwan~

2010-09-21T09:03:00.004+09:00

So yea..im currently in Taipei,Taiwan.
The weather is hot and humid..
Had a great evening scouting for food at Lin Jiang night market..
Great,cool group to find good food with =p
Then we went to the observatory deck at Taipei 101..
Went to the 89 floor..
The night view was splendid..
Occasional showers didn't help cool us down though..
Came back after Taipei 101..
Nice and clean youth hostel we staying at..
I like!!=p

now,for day 2

~Flu~

2010-09-18T08:05:00.002+09:00

Darn,it's just one lousy week.
One lousy work where I work crazily on my research.
Well,compare to other people's lab,what I do might still not be enough..
But then again,compare to a lot of people,
I might have done more..
Hell,what am I crapping about..

It's not just the research part.
It's about meeting deadlines for other things as well.
Presentation on 28th this month
Presentation in November,December,February and March.
It's nothing,yea,really nothing..
Only an average of 1 presentation one month only..*sarcastic

Doing one simple presentation for that short 10 to 15minutes
Actually requires months of preparations and experiments..
To get certain presentable data,
We have to work on lots of Trail and Error..

I know I know...
I have been complaining too much.
But I just couldn't understand why I have to go the conference in March
While the other degree holders in my lab just sit there and chit chat..
True,I get to learn more...
But I do wonder if it's worth the stress the conference is putting me into..
It also means that my March holidays aka my spring hols is gone..
Sigh..

Just one week.
I got to know about my life in the next half a year.
Just one week.
The sudden change of weather and workload..
Made me down with flu and fever.

I need a break.

~Love~

2010-09-12T12:12:00.002+09:00

Love Hebe and Lala's new songs..
So emo,the lyrics suits my mood perfectly..
Relaxed~

~What~

2010-09-10T22:48:00.003+09:00

Leave at the sight of being seen.
Impossible to withdraw the finding.
Mess made with so-called knowing.

Hidden in the story.
Of tears and deep sighing.
Of life,of love ,of angst..
Never stop pretending.
Gone are the days where we less worry..

Need the pain to feel
Endless words are no longer amused..
Imagination beyond words..
Hesitations are without doubt,there for a reason
Chances are..you will never gain

~Educational~

2010-09-04T23:34:00.002+09:00

I just spent 2 hours plus on a movie..
It's not a typical feel good comedy,
Or cheesy love story type..
Or filled with actions and bombs..

It was a real life story..
Called 'Desert Flower'..
Like my housemate,I too saw it somewhere before..
Years ago,its was some best selling book if I'm not mistaken..
So then only now I watched it..

It's about Waris Dirie..
The brief summary of the contents were as below..
From the Somali desert to the world’s catwalks. When Waris Dirie’s DESERT FLOWER appeared in 1998, the world was shocked. The former supermodel tells her breathtaking life story, describing her incredible journey from a nomadic life in the deserts of Somalia to the world’s most famous catwalks. This was a dream and a nightmare at the same time. In New York, at the peak of her career, she tells in an interview of the practice of female genital mutilation that she had to suffer when she was three. Waris Dirie decides to end her life as a model and dedicate her life to fighting this archaic ritual.

I'm sorry for being too shallow..
For I have no words to describe how I feel after watching this movie..
Aghast that things like these happens around the world..
Amazed how at the most dire conditions people can survive..
How ignorant we human beings are most of the time..
Angry,that we weren't taking enough actions against unlawful practices..
Disappointed,in myself for being not grateful enough..

This is another wake-up calls happening in my life..

~Word to self~

2010-09-01T19:17:00.003+09:00

Today is 1st of September..Up til yesterday I was still in a semi-holiday mood,as in doing my research half a day,go to work the other 4 more hours then spent the rest of the night chatting with friends.But that was yesterday..

Today onwards,I have to sum up my work,discuss with my lecturer on what to do next,translate the long-awaited English thesis into Japanese,make slide shows etc.It sounds pretty easy,but I wonder why it takes me such a long time to do it.Nah,I think I have the answer.It's because I lacked the passion to do it.Simple as that.

People say when you know the root of your so-called problems,you can solve them.

But..what happens if,subconsciously you are trying to avoid dealing with it?

Simple answer again..Things won't get done.
Yea,things won't get done unless I start doing it vigorously.I have to stop procrastinating and start to work my ass off..If I want to have my pre-planned vacation that is..

I do,I really do wanna go..

But hell,guilt is so killing me and giving me a headache..I need to work harder then..
I think too much but not working hard enough
Being me is sooo not easy..lol..

~今天的静~

2010-08-28T17:25:00.005+09:00

心，
终于静下来了。。
今天的我，
很平静。。

不知道是不是因为今天比较凉快
心情变得很平静。。
开始觉得自己一个人，也不是那么的不好。。
打完工，看戏休息。。
听听王力宏的新歌
折着刚洗完，还带有芳香的衣服。。

今天的打工，
不觉得厌倦，不觉得疲累。。
反而是一种解脱。。
把我不必要的精神，过多的焦虑，
统统消耗掉。

终于平衡了。。

想一想，
好久没有静静的坐下来了。
今天的我不回忆过去，不担心未来
只想着，当下快乐就好。。

微风又吹起了，
今天的天气。。
真好！^.^

~Quiet~

2010-08-26T21:49:00.002+09:00

Today I spent my time watching a Taiwan talk show I used to watch daily,until I went back to Malaysia and didn't have time for it. Surprisingly,after all the laughter from the show,I felt down again.And I started to write post cards,4 post cards I got from Krabi which I planned to sent earlier.As I was writing,I wondered if the person who got it can feel what kind of mood I was in while writing it..

I don't know what is wrong with me nowadays.After coming back from Malaysia,emotions have been controlling me.I guess it's because it's all too quiet around me right now.All I can hear are my own thoughts,of doubts,of uncertainties..

Visiting friends in Malaysia,almost all envied me for being here,in Japan.I guess I would too,if I were to be in their shoes.But in real life,not all grass are greener here.Work life is never easy,as to study life.Even after 4 years here,I still couldn't speak like a native or know much enough to be one.In fact,I don't fancy being one.

True,Japan have the technology and the infrastructure,and yes,I do complain when I'm back in Malaysia because of the lack of efficiency etc.But it's still where I was born,like family,you could never leave family.Coming back here,I became really homesick.

Yes,me,homesick.

Talking with many friends especially ones in Malaysia,I give the impression to others that I am strong,independent.Well,I could be.But that doesn't mean I don't get lonely.I was almost dead-like when I just got back.Yes,I did what I had to do,cleaning,unpacking,buying groceries.But while walking at the stores,hearing nothing but non-stop Japanese..

I start to hate it here.

What happened to the familiar Cantonese,BM,English,Mandarin,the -lahs,the -lo,the really-ar?
What happens to tau-pau food whenever I'm hungry?
Where is the air-con available everywhere in Malaysia?

I hate the weather here.Super freaking hot.Sweat while I'm asleep,sweat when I'm awake,sweat even after I bathe.Wth..

I miss my bro.
I miss kacau-ing him in the car.
I miss sharing his pc and songs.
I miss KM,SY,KY they all..
I don't mind listening to their stories about their bfs..
I just want to be with them..

Doggone it.
I hate being alone right now..

~Unpack~

2010-08-24T14:21:00.002+09:00

I woke up at 10.20am,for a sudden,I was at lost at where I was.
The walls were white,not purplish-pink.
There was no clock on the wall,nor pictures of my sister.
And I was sweating when I woke up.
It took me 5 seconds to remember.
I was back in Japan.

And so I did what I had to do.
I did my laundry first.
And then I started unpacking.
Then laundry round number 2.
And more unpacking.
Then room cleaning,
Then house cleaning.
Rest for a instant noodle lunch.
Then laundry round number 3.
I finally settled down after 4 hours.

Now I'm in dilemma.
Unpacking is supposed to be therapeutic.
Or so I assume.
But why is it that when I change my curtains,
I suddenly thought of my mum picking up the curtains design with me,for me?
Why is it that when I scrub the kitchen,
I suddenly remember how spotless-clean my kitchen in KL was?
Why is it that when I was eating my instant noodles lunch alone,facing the not working internet,
I suddenly remembered the air-condition restaurants in KL I visited with friends while surfing the net using Wi-Fi available everywhere?

And why the hell is my house,my neighbourhood so quiet all of a sudden???
I think I should get out of my house..
Cuz emo has just set in.
I need human contact.

~Out~

2010-08-23T01:20:00.002+09:00

Going back to Japan in 9 hours time.
Things on mind right now..
What a great trip to SP,Penang and Ipoh.
What a mamak I just had with the usual gang.
It's not unusual,in fact it was all too usual.
I guess I'll only savour it when I'm back there.
Alone.

I'm going to be alone for one week.
I guess I'll get used to it.
I can never sit still anyway.
I know I'm that kinda girl.
Always on the move,
Trying to make myself busy.
It's the night that kills me.
When I always make myself 'enjoy' slow music.
And start thinking "what ifs.."

Flight is at 9.25am,
Reaching Nagoya at 21.05 though..
By the time I reach my apartment,
It'll probably be 22.30..
I know myself too well..
I'll probably be thinking.
"No one cares what time I reach"
"No one cares if I contact them or not when I got home"
Well,
Probably my mum..
Oh well,
Time to sleep..

I hate going back to Japan.
Oh well,
At least for now..

~Krabi~

2010-08-16T17:52:00.004+09:00

Went to karaoke at Times Square with SY and CY last Wednesday.
Sang til 4pm,then went for SALT.
It wasn't lousy,but typical action packed movie.
Where the main actress never dies.
But then again,it's a movie.
It IS suppose to be surreal.
If it's real,why don't we look at our own lives then?
Why pay money to see a life so close to ours right?

Thursday,
Made bro fetch me to PF's house.
Met YC for the first time.
Funny fella.
Went to JY's house to wait for the cab to KLIA.
Arrived 45minutes later.Sigh,Malaysian time..
Went to LCCT,KLIA.
My first time there.
Checked in for Krabi.
Air Asia plane not bad..
Didn't know have to pay for all beverages and food though.
Didn't know can simply change seats ourselves too..
Arrived at Krabi International Airport.
Time zone different by one hour.
Almost forgot it's suppose to go vertically,not horizontally.
Means,Krabi time is 13.30 while Kl is 14.30.
Picked up by our guide,went sight seeing.
Tiger Cave was first,but was filled with monks and they were doing a ritual that day so couldn't go inside.
Went to see some crystal clear ponds after that.
And an Aquarium..
Dinner was next.
Food was really spicy,couldn't bother remembering the names.
Back to hotel after that.
Skipped Thai message but went out for a stroll with PF and YC at the nearby shops.
Came back to find JY,my roommate sick.
Fever after the Thai message.

JY skipped island hopping with us on Friday.
We went to 4 Islands.
Except for the last one,
Where there is rock climbing and smoother beach.
The rest was a disappointment.
Food was so-so as well.
Felt that my money was cheated.
Lucky the hotel was pretty decent.
After island hopping,back to hotel for a swim.
Then we found a great dinner for ourselves.
Played MAFIA in my room later that night.

Head back to KL on Sat.
Lunch at the airport.
Got a shock that I weigh only 41.25kg on the weighing scale for luggages.
Most be 44.25kgs,the digital number a bit wrong I suppose.
Back to KL at 4pm.
Bid Eunice and KW goodbye.
First time sat on Exora.
Had dinner at Sri Petaling.
Scared by a dog til almost cried.
WTH..
I didn't know I was that afraid.
But I couldn't control it.

Sunday,
Kena FFK by friends.
Ended up shopping with mum and bro.
Mum went her own way,
I went to G2000, Esprit, GAP etc with bro to get him a birthday gift.
Spent quite a bit on 2 shirts for him.
Well,glad he approve of my fashion sense though.
Spent dinner with Aunt and cousins..
Got dogs at their place again..gahhhhhh
Went for Thai food..
Gosh,I just came back from Thailand ler..
But food was great,met with cousin sisters and their bfs..
Drinks at Little Tree with Alex and YC at 11pm =p
Soda+Ginger+lemon+honey..a very bad combination for a drink..
Won't order that again..

~Late~

2010-08-10T18:41:00.005+09:00

Watched The Last Airbender with Zac at MV..
I found it alright but some people say it's lousy..
Had experience driving at night in KL..
Finally speed a little...lol
Driving in Japan made me a tortoise=p

Was at home the whole day on Sunday
Did a bit of work again..
Then went to buy cloth with mum
Went to Aunt's furniture shop..
Then head to Em's sister birthday party..
Mamak again after that..
Alex,you are crazy..
Can't believe you took only 3hours to drive back from Penang..
Mamak til 1.30am..
So tired..

Went to Kai Mei's convo yesterday..
Her flowers from TR were really pretty..
So sweet=p
Kajang satay after that..
It was pretty good..
Had fun hanging out with you both..
Though I didn't say it out loud..
I'm sure gonna miss you guys when I go back

Today,
Spent the whole afternoon shopping alone in Times Square.
Got about 9 tops,3 tights and a skirt.
Was super happy..
All those cost around RM100 only..
Can't believe it right..
Girls stuff are cheap.
Starbucks after that before heading to find mum at Sg.Wang
Got back,had Bak Kut Teh dinner.
Then head to Papparich at Kuchai to find the girls..

As usual people were late,
But had fun chatting with KM and KY..
In the end,
We had 8 people!!
Yay!!
PF bumped into us when she finished teacher her piano class.
Such a small town..lol
Had fun meeting the girls=)
Great day..

~Catching up~

2010-08-07T20:21:00.002+09:00

Mamak til 1.30am yesterday..
This was the latest since I got back.
Usually I'll be back home by 11pm.
I still remember de time I mamak til 4am..
Amazing,so much to talk..
And someone was having his SPM then..
Ahem ahem..
But yst was good,met WS n PF at Ajimal's
KL is still a small place.

Got up at 8am today
When I slept at 2.30am@.@
Pass Victor MT's gift from Japan.
And bringing stuff from him to her.
Lunch with Zac,KY and VY.
Pretty decent Italian restaurant near my house
A little pricey though.
Then picked KM up for a drink.
Chatted for another few more hours..
It was nice catching up again..
Out with my favorite people is always fun.
Back for dinner.
But nothing to do at home..
Found someone to go movie with me later!!
Yay to that!!!
FINALLY!!!^.^

~Talk~

2010-08-06T21:07:00.003+09:00

Had brunch with Eugene yesterday at Little Vietnam,Mid Valley.
Long long talk for about 3hours before we bid each other goodbye.
Nice catching up.
About his stories of New Zealand.
About us growing up to who we are today.
Nice chat..
Walked around with bro a little after that.
Got a new modem with router and wi-fi.
Bought mix rice and coffee bean and shared with bro.
Then dessert with KM
Yogurt Boyz at Sri Petaling.
Had another 2 hours of heart to heart.
How much I miss having someone so dear to me sharing her stories and listening to mine.
I'm so gonna go out with her again. (TR u cannot stop me=p)

Today was brunch with PF.
Love hearing her stories as well.
I love hearing stories than telling mine.
Their life seems so much more interesting than mine anyway.
Really respect PF for what she has managed to do and own so far.
Went to MV with mum again.
Finally managed to get 2 pairs of hand-drawn shoes.
Really cool.Was happy as a kid.
Got back early again cuz mum wasn't feeling well again.
She's getting really easily tired nowadays..
Chatted with Xin online for about an hour.
Nice catching up with her as well.
Then short trip to pasar malam.
Mamak later on tonight.

I wonder if I'll be able to get use to my boring life when I get back..=(

~Plan~

2010-08-04T21:25:00.003+09:00

Got back on Saturday,had steamboat dinner.

Sunday morning had Chee Cheong Fun and Leng Chee Kang.
Lunch one hour later..@.@
Home cooked food with 4 meat and 1 vege.
Mid Valley after that,had gelato ice cream.
Came back with headache.
Vomitted all of my lunch.
Took Panadol,felt better.
Had Ipoh Hor Fun.
Thank goodness for 'tau pau' in Malaysia.

Lunch with SY dearest at Paparich on Monday.
Had Nasi Lemak and Mocha with ice cream.
Diarrhoe after lunch.
Recuperate for one hour then went MV with mum again.
Search for parking for 1 hour.
Came back cuz mum wasn't feeling well.
Mamak at night with Alex,Em,CL and YC.
Went earlier with Em and chatted quite some bit before the rest joined us.
Talked about movies,and watched "So you think you can Dance" with the rest.
Tried Tosei, Garlic Naan,Maggi goreng,Satay and wow..Barli Limau at mamak.
Barli Limau was good.

Did work which I brought back from Japan on Tuesday.
Then sent mum to the bus station at Jalan Duta.
Bought tickets to SP.
Had LOTS of thought while carrying mum's bag when she got on her bus.
Self note self note.
Got more work done.
Then head to buy KFC with bro.
Hot and Spicy was simply Finger lickin' good.
Then went out for a drink with KM and TR.
Nice place,better if there wasn't anyone smoking.
Round two at Yusof's.
So ngam Em ajak-ed to go Yusof.
Too bad was too tired.
Back at 11.30pm.

Up for karaoke today.
Went with junior(SY)
Had lunch at BBQ Plaza went to Neway after that.
4hours of pure bliss singing songs which couldn't be found at karaokes in Japan.
Had Krispy Kreme which doesn't requires two hours of queing like in Shinjuku.
Felt glee cuz the guy at the train station charged me RM1 for a RM1.60 ticket to KL Sentral.
Haha.Benefits of dressing a bit better =p
Home alone now.
Bro went out for dinner with friends so that I could use his pc.
So sweet =p

Tomorrow.
Out with Eugene.
Maybe dinner with KM and SY.

Friday,
Lunch with PF and maybe pasar malam??

Saturday,
Date with KY and Zac.
Damn I miss those two a lot..

Sunday,
Family day or go Sing K with KM better??
Dilemma..

I need to plan properly and work on more with my translation.
Damn..
I hate my work in Japan.

~Shopping~

2010-08-01T22:36:00.003+09:00

Today I went to Mid Valley
Saw the couples,families,friends shopping.
No offense, but sometimes I think
Thank God I'm in Japan.
And not being dragged into the "branded stuff" flow I see here..

Yes,I was born in KL.
The supposingly 'city' girl.
But because I was born in KL,
I know where and how to get cheaper stuff
And not necessarily branded..
I don't see the need of them.

I have no idea why.
It's not that I cannot afford them
I just don't see the need to get 10 Gucci or Coach stuff
Or get 20pairs of Jimmy Choo's.
If I live in KL,
I might felt embarrassed not owning any of those.
Or go out with friends loaded with branded stuff.

But I believe in bringing out the best in you,
With proper attire and taste.
But again,taste does not really relate to branded..
RM49.90 for a T-shirt or a blouse which need to be picked from a pile..
Its not what I call a good use of money.
So that's why I came back empty-handed today.

Seriously,
No offense to those who likes to dress themselves in brands..
I just don't need them.
And again,
Contrary to popular belief,
Not all KL people are so stuck up or likes shopping for expensive stuff.
Nor all of them are so cold-blooded.
Or likes clubbing.
You just have to get to know the right people.

A day of window shopping.
Got me sick because of the sea of people swarming.
Headache and vomiting..
Sorry KM,for canceling dinner plans with you
I'll get you the next time you are free.
Thanks to Alex and CL for accompanying me for the shopping.

~等待与期待~

2010-07-26T22:14:00.003+09:00

每一天醒来，想的第一件事会是什么呢？
今天是星期几？今天该做些什么？

期待的又会是什么呢？

我每一天醒来，
除了会想一想
“今天是星期几？今天该做些什么？”
就是会想。。
“我到底在等待的是什么？期待的又会是什么？”

我知道，
我不愁吃，不愁穿。。
照理来说，我应该过得很无忧无虑才对。。
可是内心深处。。
总是有种还没有“安”下来的感觉。。
挥之不散。。

是期待另外一个人的出现？
还是在等待另外一个人的出现？
或者是期待一个人的肯定？
还是等待一个人的肯定？
是期待自己能变得更优秀？
还是等待自己能变得更强？
是等待更好的机会？
还是期待会有更好的未来？

我曾经告诉别人，
我没有梦。。
也听说过很多次，
没有梦的人很可怜。。
不是我不想拥有梦。。
而是醒来后。。
你会发现，
现实生活永远不会比梦好。。

期待着梦会变成现实
等待着梦会变成现实
只会伤了自己而已。。
我怕面对“伤害”与“失败”
所以我宁可没有梦。。

很傻，对吧？

~Rush~

2010-07-25T22:14:00.002+09:00

The "rush rush rush" status on my fb was not about some silly Gucci rush.First of all,I'm not into Gucci or Prada or Burberry or LV.I find them a waste of money.It was about how rush my week will be..Let's just say..It'll be hell of a week,til I don't think I have time to pack until..a few hours before I fly?=P

~Inception~

2010-07-24T01:56:00.002+09:00

Yea,so I went to watch Inception..
I find it..pretty good actually..
Some might find it hard to understand,
But surprisingly I find it alright.
I kinda enjoyed it..
Popping salty popcorns at the exciting parts..
Now I know why popcorns are so..'suitable' with movies..
They are simply so convenient to pop into our mouths=P

So,not intend to spoil any fun..
I'll just say..
I have always been amazed with what the brain can do..
So when it comes to these brain-dream thing..
It really captured my attention all way through..
Oh well,I just wanna say again..
I enjoyed the movie=P

And oh,
I'm going back soon!!
Yay to that..
Yea well,you all must be thinking,
Why am I so excited,
When I won't be sticking my butt at home anyhow..

Oh well..
I'm just tired of my research-work routine.
I need to recharge..
Well,at least..
This week I need to work triple hard first=P

~Suddenly~

2010-07-14T19:41:00.002+09:00

I once told a friend that we should take sometime out,put everything down on our hands and stop to breathe in the fresh air,take notice of the weather,and just be at the moment.The friend told me,that he didn't have the time to do so,and there is no need to do so..At that moment,I was shocked at how people can be so busy that they have no time to take note of what surrounds us..But today,when I finally have the time to actually sit down and watch my drama and actually think about what to blog..I suddenly realized that it has been quite a long time since I've actually sit down and just let the sound of the rain outside calm me down..

I suddenly realized that I've been pretty occupied myself.Aside from doing my research in the day,my part time job in the evening,even at night,when I thought I have the time..I sometimes ended up working overtime at my part time job place or spending time on Facebook before heading to bed early in preparation to wake up early for another round of research the next morning.

At times like these,before I sleep I even think about what kind of life I'm leading,where I am heading,what is the purpose of this all.I suddenly lacked motivation to move on.I wonder why..I have some doubts recently and sometimes I even doubt if I should share it,even if I do,to whom I should share it to.For fear of bringing them unnecessary inconvenience,which they are too polite to say no..

Oh,in another turn of suddenness..TS,HC,CW..you guys might not be reading this (well,maybe YY and TS does=P)In two more days,it'll be the one year anniversary since I met you guys in Sydney. How fast a year has passed eh?How I wish we could all go find great food again,sight-see and enjoy each others company..Only one year,yet so many things have changed..Oh well, Happy One Year anniversary to our friendship in advance.Thanks YY,for introducing these guys to me=P

Sudden abruptness again..I have the urge to watch drama again.Bye

~Friday~

2010-07-09T09:16:00.004+09:00

Today is Friday.
A day I always love,because its near the weekend.
Even if it's the same that I have to wake up as early as 6am to do my experiment,doing it on a Friday feels different..
It feels...bearable..
Because,its near the weekend..
Yea,simple as that..

On this July 9th Friday,
It was cloudy,
And occasionally drizzling..
I was up awaken by the sound of my alarm at 6am,
But dreamt of an email which was not replied until 6.20am.
I have weird dreams sometimes.
And I read somewhere that they are actually a way of solving your daily life problems..
You just have to acknowledge that you are having that problem.

Reached uni at 7.45am..
Started experiment at 8am..
And its already 9.15am..
A short 15minutes break for me to blog,
Before I get on for another 2hours long process..
I'm all alone in my lab.
I just want to note that down..
Because sometimes reading back my blog entries,
I get nostalgic..
How I felt at that moment,
How naive I was sometimes,
How crazy I was all the time etc.

It's a great cloudy day.
I love cloudy days..
It gives me a sense of calmness..
I wonder why..

~555~

2010-06-30T21:21:00.002+09:00

My blog entries reached 555.
What a long way it has come.
This 555th entry has nothing special to it.
As my life has nothing interesting going on.
All I have is a good rest day today.
After doing experiments for 11hours on Monday and 2hours of work after.
6hours of work yesterday after another 5 hours of experiment.
Yea,life is busy for me these days.

Back to work and experiments again tomorrow.
Feel as if someone is tightening my 'screw' everyday.
Feel like I'm some stack of clothes no longer fit for the suitcase but someone still slowly cramming the suitcase shut.
Feel like a balloon with air,wearing thin,but still being pumped with more gas.

Maybe it's still too early to say like this.
Because its still June.
Wait,it's the last day of June already.
Deadlines are closing by.
Can I still enjoy my summer hols if I couldn't finish my work here?

Haiz,the pressure is sinking,creeping,seeping in.
Slowly at first..
But gaining speed by the day.
It's there...

I can feel it.

~Fun~

2010-06-27T22:58:00.002+09:00

Had fun at the beach..
A BBQ not easily earned..
I really prayed hard it wouldn't rain..
Thank goodness it was all cloudy and not hot at all..
But the small drizzle made us pack to go back.
At least it was 5pm already,5hours of pure fun.
Enjoyed..
Pics are available on FB..
Non of them from my camera though..
Didn't bring mine..
Back to reality tomorrow.
Oh well,
That's what makes the events more fun and memorable right?
Fighting!!!!

~Wave~

2010-06-19T20:48:00.003+09:00

Apparently,we learn new things everyday.
And apparently the things we learn comes in all shapes and sizes.
Well,the one of the things I learned recently is the art of talking.

Some people are just good at talking their way out of a sticky situation.
But they can really bring sense to others what they are talking about and somehow smooths the uptight situation.
Some people are just good at making others feel comfortable with their words.
And minimizes the loses for all.

And another lesson learned,
Emotions are things not easily controlled.
Just because your everyday life was dull as hell,
Doesn't mean you are in-control of your emotions.
Anger,sadness,guilt and loneliness are often well-detected
Because your daily life is affected by them.
And when they do,
They comes in waves.
You don't know when the next one will hit you.
When they do..
You sure need a hell lot of a self-control.

And oh,
Pretending is always a part of you.
And needed most everyday.
Some may beg to differ.
But somehow,
I kind of believe its true.
No one tells me that,
It's just a crazy thought of mine.

Last note,
Sometimes,
Rather than having concern or worry about others inside,
Telling them that is rather important too,no?
And when people comes to you..
They might have summoned a lot of courage to do so,
So don't shrug them off unless you have to..

~Spend~

2010-06-13T22:26:00.002+09:00

Aduh,spend again..
Spend on my air ticket back..
Today spend a bit on shopping as well..
Baru earn a bit,dah spend banyak..
Tsk tsk tsk..
I need self-control weh...

~想太多~

2010-06-08T23:13:00.002+09:00

又想太多。。
真的是败给自己。。
无时无刻想那些有的没的。。
疑神疑鬼。。
觉得自己很像白痴。。
以为把自己弄的很忙就不会去想。。
嗨。。。。。

是不是有点过头了呢？
整天叫自己收敛收敛。。
拜托，讲到要做到嘛。。
无聊，白痴，猪头。。

只好告诉自己。。
看着办吧你。。

~Decisions~

2010-06-06T22:55:00.002+09:00

More decisions to be made..
Have to start planning how to use my holidays already..
Provided my research goes on smoothly..
Darn..
Not that it's not..
It's just..I don't know where it is heading..
And wonder if I can manage to finish it before my internship.

And why is everyone going back in August?
The whole of September is so free..
I sooo don't wanna spend it on research only..
Funny,I used to don't mind spending time on my research.
I'm getting lazy already.
Or should I say,tired of being a student?
Nah..
Considering the fact I have 2 more years of research,
Probably that's why I want to enjoy more while I still can.
Geesh,what an excuse.

Hey,I managed to talk to mum on phone for an hour!
Wow,a breakthrough..
Haha..Well,just so happen I'm sick of studying the whole day.
And her hols starts tomorrow..
And yea,nobody is chatting with me on MSN or Skype.
I'm such a loner..T.T

Tomorrow exam lu..
See how it goes..

~Turn~

2010-06-03T22:36:00.002+09:00

At some point,you just realized you have learned a new chapter.
It might come at any moment.
And every time it comes you know you've grown a little older and wiser.
It does not have to be a very sad incident that remind you that you have learned something
Sometimes trying to stay happy is a lesson as well.

At some point,
Just a simple conversation can bring back the most painful memories,
Or the ones that makes you smile fondly,
Or the ones that makes you reminisce how naive you were back then.
Just at some point,
You realized that although so young,
You have experienced so much as well.
Experienced things that not many could understand,
Nor accept,nor care,nor agree.

But still it was meant to be your experience,
And yours only.
So embrace what you have experienced,
And learn from them.
Learn to be a better person.=)

~Emo~

2010-06-02T23:22:00.002+09:00

I finally got my emo back..
No thanks to research
And a mistake I made today.
Sorryyy..
Time to emo about my life..
At a dark corner in my room..

~Nah~

2010-05-31T13:14:00.007+09:00

So many things happened in this two weeks..
Not bad things though...
Just things..

First thing that came to mind was Yun Ooi's departure.
Although she just came here for two weeks,
But somehow when we walked her back to her lab and to her hostel last Friday,
I can't help she feels a bit sad to leave here.
It might be just me,being emo and all..
But I think departures are sad..
I don't like them..

After sending of Yun Ooi,
CY,SL and I walked Mun Teng back to her hostel.
And we chatted til pretty late.
Well,before midnight anyway..
Cuz 'Cinderella' got a birthday to celebrate,
We didn't want to keep him while he has some important calls to attend to..
Or so we all 勝手に assume =P

MT's room is pretty nice,
I like her balcony..
Espcially since its on the 5th floor.
So quiet and nice at night.
So near the moon some more..
Romantic,peaceful and quiet.
I like.

Then there's my first attempt on making Wanton.

It's just that I have leftover にらor 韭菜
I just wanted to try something with it.
So lunch was my wanton.
YL was really good at wrapping them.
I sucked,until I got used to it :p
Anyhow,CY was somehow 'forced' to come over to try them=P
Said it tasted like Yong Tau Foo@.@""
Anyhow,the 3 of us chatted til 5pm..
That's about 2 hours,while finishing my chocolate,my ice cream..hehe
Nice to have ppl to chat with and share my goodies:p

Amy picked YL and me for dinner at Akakara for SL's birthday
I was lucky that everything went smoothly.
Cuz the table they gave us (which I booked) was a 10 and 6 person one..
Service was good that day too..lucky!
I went there 5 times and this time they gave the best service..

Really wanna thank Saito-san for making the best fruit tart..

It was really pretty♡

A bit abrupt,but..
That's all for the week.

~Money~

2010-05-24T23:19:00.002+09:00

It was just a small talk while we ate the leftover cakes.
"Ti,you are a rich girl aren't you?"
I was taken aback,and asked my boss back.
"Why do you say so?"
And the conversation leads to another foreign student who was working at the same cake shop as me..

Like me,
He is a foreign student at my university.
And like me,
He has to do research during the day
And goes to the cake shop after our respective research ends.
But unlike me,
He intends to work after 10pm til 2am from now onwards.
To make more money.
To support his life in Japan.

It's not easy living in Japan,
Where the cost of living is so high.
Most of the foreign students here have to work hard to support themselves.
Unlike the lucky ones like me,
Who,not only don't have to pay for our education,
But still have a huge amount of cash coming in to support our daily life.

This small talk actually reminded me how lucky I am(and also a MSN chat with a long lost friend)
And that there are a lot of people out there who also deserves to be here..(including this MSN friend)
And also reminded me that I shouldn't spend money like the way I spend here.
And also reminds me that I shouldn't brag about my new car or new laptop..
When others could barely support their motorcycle..

I'm really lucky to be able to be here..
I'm going to make full use of it..
Because I was given the chance..

~闷~

2010-05-20T23:14:00.004+09:00

不喜欢这种闷闷的感觉。。
有朋友说；“反正很多人也不知道自己要什么，能做什么，也能快快乐乐的过日子。何必己人忧天呢？”
话说是没错，换做是我，我想我也会这样劝他人。。
可是还是无时无刻在想，一些自己也没有办法解决得无聊问题。。
多次说“算了吧”可是还真得不能就这样就算了。。

今晚，和朋友在聊天。。
不知怎么搞得，弄得心情很差。。
我知道自己不该咄咄逼人。
可是很少人，被我问了那么久，还不要告诉我我想知道的东西。。
又不是什么大秘密嘛。。
其实，我也不知道干嘛自己那么在意。。

睡一觉应该会好吧？=P

~Mess~

2010-05-14T23:13:00.002+09:00

My life is in such a mess..I have a rough idea of what my research is about,but I'm not sure if I'm learning fast enough.I have a test on Monday and I'm still online..

And yea,I'm still single.
So what?

Today I had a shocked when I went into my lab today.
A few of my classmates who were there suddenly asked me if I were single.
So I said,Yea I am.
They went on:Do you have a boyfriend in Malaysia?
Me:No.Why?
Them;Nah.Just wanted to know.Why you don't have a boyfriend?
Me:Cuz I don't need one?><
Them:Don't you plan to marry?
Me:(sensing something fishy already)Yea,but NOT to a JAPANESE
Them:Oh..*silence..Then,that guy no hope d lar..
Me:What guy??!
Them:Oh,he told us not to tell.
Me:Oh ok..

After awhile...
Me:So who is it?=P
Them:Erm,we not sure if we can tell.
Me:Actually I ALREADY know who..
Them:*shocked faces..So who do you think it is?
Me:Erm..He is in XX lab one right?
Them:Wow,how come you already know?
Me:Duh,cuz he kept on messaging me though I didn't reply lo..

And the conversation drags on..

You would expect them to support their friend.Who would have thought they help me shoot him?Japanese are such good back-stabbers.Yea well,in the end,the conclusion was,tell the guy to give up hoping lar..I'm not interested in Japanese guys.Weird fella,I didn't even talk to him more than 5 times in class and already he likes me.Weird..And when I didn't reply his email he gets down..Haiz..I mean,I cannot control people liking me,but doesn't mean I have to give him hope right?

Already I have to find time to rest,
To earn more money,
To study and to do research.
And I have to handle unexpected crushes?(No offence,but I'm SO not enjoying this)
Sigh..
MY life is a mess..

~Dust~

2010-05-09T11:06:00.002+09:00

The dust is finally settling down.
The murky water is finally getting clearer.
But to what extent will it be transparently clear,
Before another shake will cause it to stir,
What was thought to be the final settlement?

Is there a need to be crystal clear?
Could it be that what was thought to be right sometimes could be so terribly wrong?
Maybe it should be let free
Without the consequences to bear..
And enjoy the ride while we are there.

A variety of thoughts
Does not define a person
It's interesting to ponder though
The differences.