~Update~

Guess people have been tired of stopping by without seeing any updates.
I seriously don't have the time to blog anymore.
Recent events..
Nothing much.
Life has never been so monotone before.
Until I got jealous one day,and found out something which made me sleepless that night.

I got over it.

Nowadays,nothing and I seriously mean NOTHING could make me "feel" anymore.
After a phonecall with a fellow PPKTJ,I got panicked about my Uni entrance test.
But it, again,lasted only for one day.
It must be because of a friend I talked to.
A friend who made me realised that seriously,
No matter what,
Things you have to face you have to face.
Sooner or later.

No matter how much I study,
I'll always think it's not enough.
For better or worse,
I could only prepare what I can,
And give my best shot.
As long as I have no fear of getting into any Uni,
There's actually no pressure nor worries anymore.

Everyday,people struggle to survive.
To lead a life.
Even the most optimistic guy have worries.
Or have their own problems.
The optimistic side they potray to others,
Might just be a disguise.
Or something they want to believe they can do.
If it is for their own good,
And also brings a positive vibe to people around them.
I don't see why not.

Thing is,
This friend made me "see through" things.
Meaning,to keep an open mind for things to come.

I realised...
Its time I give my best shot.
Whatever the outcome,
I'll still have to face it.
I might be depressed after these 2months.
And might need another 2months to get back on my feet.
But I believe time could heal any wounds.
I seriously believe it could.
It will also brings lots of new things for me to discover.
I could be happy and elated after these 2months.
Who knows..
We'll see..

For the time being.
I'm going to do what I can.
Then I can say I did my best with no regrets.
Cheers=)

~Nagano~

Went to Nagano for the annual foreign-students-trip-along-with-their-tutors.Had fun but for the first time..All I could think of was my studies..This is getting really freaky.When I had karaoke with them,I really enjoyed myself and had a feel-good time.But back to the hotel..Sigh..Thinking and worrying again.Can't wait til it all ends in one and half month more..

Matsumotojyo

Everyone makan..Nice glass workshop we visited..

Guess no more trips until after exam lo..Little bit more to go..Gambarou!!

~I can't~

It has been a long time I really put my heart into writting a blog.In fact,recently I have no idea why,but my train of thoughts have all been jumbled up.It could be that I have too many languages in my brain and without proper practise,all the vocabs and verses have been all mixed up.Not only that,I lost the focus I had when I first came to Japan.When I first came,my aim was only to learn to adapt as soon as possible.And so I was busy learning and focused only on learning.Studies wise,to make friends,to live in Japan.

However,now I'm reaching my 3rd year in Japan.I've reached my goal of making friends,learning to adapt etc.But along with it I lost something as well.I lost myself and my focus.
3years here,ironically my Japanese got worse.1st of May's presentation was a disaster.I was so involved in preparing the slide shows that I didn't really prepare my speech and gave the job to my lousy-partner.On that day,I just read what he wrote and the feedback I got from my friends was that I sounded weird.It's not because the script he wrote was lousy(maybe part of it)its because it was written by him that I couldn't really comprehend well what was written and read it in a very weird intonation,pausing at the wrong places.My tutor told me and I asked other friends as well.It was quite obvious that the level of my Jap has gone down.I cried like shit in my room.

Sometimes,I just what's the point of insisting that I get to a top University.My mum never pressured me to get into one.I just want to do it myself.But I have no idea why.I think I'm the most ironic person in the world I have every known.

I can't find the focus I used to have.I think I need to do so else I'll just die of self-pity.High expectations for myself,but I somehow can't work out the right way to coope with it right now.