~30th Nov 2007~
~终于~
最近常上网,写写博客,看看新闻,youtube等。。
知道不应该,毕竟离考试也只剩1个星期了。。
越接近考试时期,想写的博客也越来越多,
是我发觉我有的一个坏习惯。。
是因为有多余的时间?
可能吧。。
不用忙忙碌碌地赶报告,实验等。。
只是猛“吭”书。。
可是,这次很糟糕,
失去了奋斗的心情。。
通常到了这段期间,
说真的会开始担心,害怕,
而开始拼搏。。
现在,
刚花了2个小时看超级星光大道比赛,
进入7强了。。
看到一位大男人因被淘汰而掉泪。。
我,终于也掉泪了。。
为何“终于”?
说真的,我,很难哭。。
原因很多很多。。
不甘示弱是其中之一。
知道哭,不代表弱。。
可要我改掉从小被灌输说哭,就是弱的愚笨想法。。
需要时间。。
有时想,哭,比压抑自己的痛苦可能会来得痛快,
有时也很奇妙的羡慕能自然哭的人,
可是,我想我也不需强迫自己哭吧?
最近,听了,看了,感受到了很多很多。。
也另我想了很多很多。。
觉得很庆幸自己不用像那些中国留学生一样半工半读,
发现原来自己的拥抱也能给别人一种温馨,安慰。。
体会到冷天带来的伤害(尤其是断骨的部分),
发现原来政治,经济都于我们息息相关。。
不该只活在自己的圈子里了。。
自己能做的,原来,不少。。
2008,我要过得更充实。。
~Dream~
If possible,I wish I could take a 9month leave and travel around the world like her..I want to,at the age of 28..When I finish my University degree,before I decide to further my studies or work or go back to Malaysia..Realising that with globalisation and the maturity of age,nowadays,nothing is impossible especially when it comes to travelling abroad.Guts of course is issential.Overcome it,I guess its not that hard after all..
I surely hope I can achieve this dream..Anyone interested to be my travel partner?=)
~美濃焼の里で地域交流と陶芸体験~
Last Saturday,I attended a trip for Tokai foreign students..These are some of the pics..After that,before going back,walked around Nagoya to have a look at the Christmas light-up.Enjoy the pics..虎渓山永保寺
Labels: Nagoya
~Long long week~
I have the urge to list down my schedule for the past one week,the coming week,and the following week and beyond...up to 7th of December..The deadlines for reports,small tests,meetings,homeworks,major exam in December...Endless...
Everynight,its the same routine.Getting homework done,study for small tests and finishing reports..Tired?Maybe..I'm not exaggerating when I say I hardly have time to think.Which,might be a good thing as weird as it might sound.As you guys might have realised by now,I tend to think too much given the time.More often than not,I worry too much.Nowadays,thinking equals to sad memories recallation and future-worrying..So,getting myself busy,or correctly put,the situation gave me no choice but to finish things on time=busy,might be a good way for me to stay alert and be comfortable with myself after all.
In other words,I'm not against having a busy lifestyle.
It made me realised how much things I can do and learn.
It made me realised how important life is and that I should stop wallowing.
It made me realised that in between the 'busy-ness',the short quick breaks are so treasurable.
It made me realised that I should not mind too much about things I have no control upon,but instead work hard on what I can do and have confidence in.Be it human relationships or studies.
Today for example,is the busiest day of this week.I have one term paper because the teacher is going to America during exam period,the paper is brought forward to today.Studied til 12midnight yesterday,woke up at 6am to do more studying.After that exam,another small test for Inorganic Chemistry plus a 2page report.Next up is a small meeting with a sensei from TIT(Tokyo Institute of Technology) and listened to him intro-ed about Tokoudai,while I figured hard to ask question.Figured hard meaning,to ask the proper questions while using the 'right' Japanese language.Spectrums explanation on the homework I have done throughout the week was next,struggling with my Japanese again.
Last was a foreign student's event with the graduated foreign students.The graduated seniors came back to give some talks about life after kosen.Be it in University or working life in Japan.Those information were pretty important but one thing that really mattered to me was the grasp of Japanese language.Again,the seniors said watching TV is the fastest way to learn.If only I have the time..Today might be the last event my tutor could attend as my 'tutor'.We were pretty moody after the event ended.
2years passed by just like that..Time really does flies.I was happy she said she wished she could be tutor for another year.She didn't precisely said being MY tutor,but I guess it was understood.Read her journal in Mixi,a Japanese blog-like community,I guess we did share a bond that goes beyond the friendship bond I have with my classmates.She was the person I could turn to when I talked about my relationships,my homesickness,my Japanese language problems..Though younger than me,she was much wiser beyond her peers.I'm really glad it was her that I can rely on through for my 2 years here.Next year,she might not be obliged to teach me since 5th year students don't need tutors anymore,but I don't think our relationship would change much,I surely hope not..
She would definetly be one of the person I might miss most when I leave Suzuka..
Gosh,gotta wake up at 6am tomorrow.Nights
Ps:Good luck sis on your STPM,and bro for your SPM...
~Memories of musics~
While I was doing some revisions,a familiar song was being played by my neighbour,the Monggol junior.Instead of getting pissed off with her playing the music so loud,I got up and knocked her door....
And asked her to let me copy the lists songs she has..hehe..
I've forgotten that I used to like English songs too..Certain songs just brings back some nostalgic memories.The time I used to listen music on my cheap radio,in my room alone,while doing my homework when I was in primary and secondary school..The songs that accompanied me when I was tired of my first part-time job.The songs I listened to after a quarrel with friends in secondary school..
Westlife,M2M,Britney Spears,98 Degress etc..
Old songs does brings back memories...
Of struggle,of growing up,of friends,of practices..I used to sing-along with these songs every night.Getting very emo along with every verse of the songs..Hard to explain..
In short,music does have a soothing emotional effect on me...
A connection of my past,I managed to regain...
~Race Against Time~
I'm sorry I couldn't come up with any better post nowadays..
Life has been busy.I hardly have time to do things I like,what more online and blog?
My life nowadays.School,back for dinner,study for the next day's small test/revision,sleep.
Today,I was in my teacher's office,doing research..from 3pm til 9pm..
Hmm..
When I came back,the weather was cold and it was drizzling.
Normally I would have felt lonely and tired..
Today,I found myself smiling on the way back..
The cold and rain was a welcome today...
Funny how when you are feeling good,even the cold and rain doesn't seem as bitter and miserable..
Funny how within one night,when I was worry sick and tired about what is going to happen today and was the verge of crying because I was too tired with my life so far...
All changed within one night.
Even if I have not gotten a good sleep.
Even if the lessons was a bore today.
Even if my worries were merely temporaries..
I just feel good because I stayed so late in school because I was achieving something.
To study something..
Though I'm still not good at it,but I'm glad I was given the chance to learn.I'm not an idiot after all..
~Her Story Part3~
She had Appendicitis,she lost a lot of money in the share market,and he..lost his job.Life was a roller coaster for the following years.Life is like a wave,there's up,there's down.But in their life,after the downward trend,it was hard to go up again.
She was a strong and stubborn women,even before she was admittted to the hospital,she had tried to suppressed the pain while having her lunch with her friend.Until the pain hurts so much that she toppled to the ground,shocking her friend.They sent her to the hospital through the ambulance.When she was admitted to the hospital,he and his eldest daughter took turns to look after the family.The daughter even noticed that sometimes,he would suddenly stare into space,and his eyes would start to get watery.They had the father-daughter talk,that what if,she's suddenly gone.What,would happen to the family etc.The daughter realised that although they often quarrel,his father does loves her mum dearly.
It was because of this operation,that he had to start borrowing money because he had lost his job after getting fed up with his previous employer.Besides that,he had to pay her debt which she lost in the share market as well as his own.Life,was all about borrowing money from relatives and friends then,to pay up debts.Finally,she was cured,and went back to work,providing the only source of income for the family for a few years,hoping that he would buck up and find a new job.
But because he always wanted a good-paid job,of managerial positions and because he always feels that he was better than his superiors,the 5 or 6 jobs he got throughout the years never lasted long.One could say,that when a man climbs too high,his ego does not allow him to get a lower paid job.And so,in the end,they had no choice but to sell off the house the owned since the birth of their first son.The debts were paid,but life still have to go on.And money is nontheless,essential..Thus, quarrels ensued and their children were the ones getting hurt,emotionally.As of all parents quarrel,usually its the children who feels the pain and sadness..
Money issues could really wreck a marriage no matter how two person used to love each other.A divorce was almost made as the quarreling continues..But somehow,they managed to stayed on through thick and thin together like the marriage vows they had made.She still stayed on with him,even though he might never earn a penny more for the family.Whether its love that still binds them together,the promised they made to each other,or for their children's sake,their story is for them to tell.
There's actually no ending to this story...For like history,her-story is also a part of daily life I delibrately made up.How real is it,its up to you to ponder...But only those who knows me well enough knows the real meaning behind this story I made up.The end.
~Her story Part 2~
The first few years of their marriage were a bliss.Their first baby was a daughter.His family members were disappointed because only a boy could carry on their family name and honor the family.They had hope that her first baby would be a boy due to the feng shui master's prediction.Despite this,both of them had a blissful marriage,and with a steady income,he managed to support the family when she was on leave caring for their first child.
They managed to rent a house finally and she no longer have to share an apartment with her sister.With the birth of her first child,her father came to take care of her daughter and her because his family members were not willing to accept this niece of theirs..This,was the first strain in her relationship with his family.Her father,on the other hand,although doesn't really like him so much,came down to the city anyhow,to take care of his daughter and his new granddaughter..
They lived on without intervern from his family.Giving birth to their second beautiful daughter.They loved their daughters dearly,taking them to company trips occasionally and taking lots of pictures of them together.She likes arranging the pictures in albums,writing down each and every name and date of the places they had visited.A trade which passes down to her eldest daughter,along with her letter writing habits..
Her daughter soon turned 4.An unbelievably quick girl,this girl sometimes would massage her stomach when she was pregnant,sometimes talking to the baby inside.Her daughter loved to talk to the neighbours too when she walked hand in her with her grandfather,and sometimes her daughter would chat with her students who came to the house for tuition.She remembered how her daughters cared so much about her,that when she leaves to teach every morning before preganant with her third child,they would tearfully bid her goodbye at the window sill of the bedroom.Many times she wondered why they had cried like there's no tomorrow,as if something serious had happened.And she would turn back occasionally to console them,put them back to sleep before rushing off to work.The crying went on until she was preganant and stayed at home for a period of time,though they had already known she was just only going for work..She don't know whether to laugh or cry at her daughters behavior,but she was touched,that they care so much about her..Sweet little angels..
When she finally gave birth to her first son,they had managed to save enough to get a little house by the slope of a hill.Things were looking up financially and so they hired a maid to look after their first son.For she was getting busier with her teachings,now a permanent teacher at a prestigeous school,her diligence and credibility was recognised and soon her status in school was rising slowly.Work,also increased slowly.He worked on his part,getting a managerial position and occasionally travelling overseas.He loved to bring back silk handkerchiefs from China,necklaces and a lot of goodies from the places he travelled to work for his dear daughters.He loved to see the glow on his daughters faces when he showed them the goodies he had carefully chosen.
The birth of his son changed the attitude of his siblings towards his wife.But still,no help was offered to take care of his son because his nephews needed care too,they said.So he had no choice but to hire a maid to take care of his wife and his newborn son.Besides,his ego does not allow him to quarrel with them..He loved both side of his family,his life with her,and his life with his siblings.But being the youngest of his siblings,he does not have the right to argue with his siblings decisions.
So when she made the decision to send their children to a Chinese oriented school,his family was furious with her decision.On her part,being English educated,she realised the importance of Mandarin and felt that it's an advantage for her children.She and her husband were both English educated given no choice because when the British conquered Malaya,the Chinese oriented schools were limited.Though her parents and his parents both came from China,they were illiterate and therefore being able to go to school was already one of the luxuries she and he had been given.
The silent treatment from his family to her was long and hard to stand,but she made up her mind and decided what she thinks was best for her children.After all,its his and her children,not his family's.Again,this strong willed stubborn lady made another wise decision despite his family objections.On her part,she felt a little angry that they looked down on her daughters,that they would not excel compared to his nephews..Thank goodness,her daughters did not disappoint her.At the age of 5 and 3,both of her daughters entered English Speech and Drama classes she signed them up to and by the age of 7 and 5,both are able to speak and read English more than their peers.She was proud of them and continued to groom them.
He helped by pushing them to attend piano lessons,teaching them the advantage of reading.Especially his eldest daughter,he never fail to make sure that she read an English book every week as required by the Speech and Drama classes.He wants to groom her,like how he groomed his nephews who by now got scholarships to study overseas.He,was the stern educator,often spanking the girls when they quarrel or misbehave while she stood by and watch,consoling the girls after they realised their mistakes.The spanking stopped though,after he make sure they are old enough to differentiate between what is right and wrong,and when they learned to repent.
The girls hated him for the spankings but realised that without him,they wouldn't have developed such competitive sprits to work hard and understood the results of each and every action they made.They also disliked the part that their mother always stopped their father from spanking their brother,and cried for injustice everytime.But deep inside,they too care for their brother really much,and they know how the spanking hurts.So although,many years later,when their brother failed to get anything successful done,they still have a soft spot for him,like their mother,for he has such a pure heart.Spoilt in some ways,but ever the mild mannered and would never get into siblings quarrels.
She was glad she had gave birth to 3 beautiful and intelligent babies of his.This was much more than what she had hope for.Life was tough at first,and even when they were financially stabled,his family objections were quite a strain to her.But still she fought on,knowing that in order to maintain harmony,a give-and-take is a must...And for 14years of marriage,they lead a quite peaceful life..Until year 15 came..When all hell broke lose....Life,became a roller coaster...
ps:Part 3 is last..bear with me
~Her Story Part 1~
She was the eldest daughter of 8 siblings..Her eldest brother and her 3rd brother were rubber tappers,waking up early every morning at 3,and cycled to the nearby plantations in the cold,where people were still deep in slumber,tapping trees to earn an income barely enough to feed the the family.Her second brother,a gangster,yet a young and handsome one,never brought problems back home with his ways.Though a gangster,he was a filial son and takes care of his siblings well..Soon after their mothers death,she found herself in a situation where she have to care for the other four younger ones when the brothers went to earn a living..
She loved reading,and before her mother's death,she was brought up as a Catholic and was exposed to many reading materials..In the family where lessons,books and writings were never heard off,she soon start writing her own stories,and though the family was poor,she start supporting herself to school with her brothers help.Realising that only with education,could she change her family's fate.Her two sisters,who gave up studies finding no interest in them,both young and pretty,married early to young decent suitors,who by now still take care of them well..
And so she studied hard,despite her father's objections,that like her younger sisters,she should marry and start a family..Education for girls were not the norm in those days,etiquette and social status were not important,to be able to feed,clothe and have a roof on top of their head was more crucial...And so,when of age,this stubborn yet strong-willed girl,moved to the big city with her sister,to lessen her father's burden having to feed 8 children and to pursue her dream of being a teacher..
She started working at factories in order to pay for the rent in the small apartment she shared with her sister,while pursuing her studies..She soon found a job as a part-time teacher in a secondary school.The happiness the engulfed her was beyond words.This,was after all what she had dream of day and night at the zinc-roof wooden house in her hometown.She had a vision,that education is the key to a different life,so she brought her youngest brother to the town too,and to gave him a chance to get education in the school she teaches..She was only 18 then...This young girl was matured beyond her age,and an attractive one too...Her suitors soon tried to win her heart with all ways and even if the other suitors were rich and attractive ones..she only had eyes on him..
He was full of confidence and always seem to be in control.Young and handsome,he could make any girl fall for him.Like any other girl,she was attracted to his flirtious ways and his ego..He was the friend of her sister's husband..His frequent visit to her house with her sister's husband was something she looked forward to..And soon the letter writing began..She thought she had seen hope,of getting the guy of her dreams..
But things wasn't easy because the guy was not prepared to be tied down..He lived on with his flirtious ways,breaking her heart each and everytime.But she understood that patience is needed to win him over..She was one special girl,who broke the norm of getting education where girls tend to marry at the ago of 20,and now..waiting and going after a guy she loves..
Unknown to her...This guy have deep feelings for her too..Every letter she wrote to him was well kept in a box until years later when their children discovered it..He realised that his flirtious ways were breaking her heart,but he cannot stop himself.He had doubt if he could give her the best,no...He WANTED to give her the best..But he wasn't prepared though he knew she was his ONE and only..And so,he worked hard and saved enough before finally asking her hand for marriage..
She had cried with bliss,she recalled in her later years..She was really happy then..
But things were different now...